My brother told us he has cancer, and my other brothers don't even care.

As we know that Cancer comes under the slab of most dangerous disease that may cause threat to your life and may disturb the peace of your whole family. Even our close one starts making distance at such time. So it’s better to take assistance from cancer help line to move in proper direction rather than looking for some help from our relatives.

Pam, I remember when I first found this site, I was absolutely fascinated with MsDiva's family's dysfunction. I thought mine was bad. It wasn't - compared to hers. If I recall, the family fallout was over their father's house/money - yet none of them were there to help out when their father (and MsDiva when she took over) needed help. It went as far as her siblings taking her to court.

MsDiva, Janieh has given some great perspectives. One would think that finding out that a sibling has cancer would be a wake-up call. Obviously, your siblings know how to hold grudges and refuses to give it up. I think it's best to accept it for what it is - and move forward with being there for your oldest brother. It's going to be very difficult for him -knowing that his own family doesn't care that he has cancer - to be there for him. Just surround yourselves with supportive friends and also supportive acquaintances who are spiritually loving (not the damnation kinds...)

msdiva, obviously they are very angry about something this #1 son did either to them or your parents. Maybe they tried to get him to change his ways. Maybe they bailed him out more than once. Maybe they got punched more than once just for being his brother. Maybe it affected their jobs, their families. So they learned to turn off the hurt, and feel Nothing. Nothing simply protects them from more pain. Women seldom react this way, but men can and will just turn everything off.

I hope your brother is ok. I was just diagnose 3 weeks ago with an aggressive breast cancer and believe me noon who has not been through it understands the h*** it is.

In fact, I was not seeing my siblings due to all the things they did to hurt me for several decades and finally decided not to see them. When I had cancer 19 years ago none of my 5 siblings called me and it hurt me very much,

One brother even refused to speak to me 7 months while I was undergoing radiation etc because I had a $50 check I could not cash as had no bank account, I had a family and living way below poverty line. He said oh no problem I am right be the bank swing over here and I can get it cashed. the second they counted out the $50 he help out his hand and said I owed him $10 for cashing the check something he never mentioned till they handed me the money. since h had a good income and we were always starving I thought this was terrible and said I did not think that was right.,.he got really defensive and angry and refused to speak to me even when I happened to be at my mom's and he was there for several months. He recently said a very mean things to me

I did not want to tell my family or even have them come to my funeral which might be in a few years as they always hurt me but, I decided this was wrong but wanted to see them in person so I could see if their expression showed any caring so I emailed one sister asking her to speak also to other sister who works there.

she replied my one sister is stressed out from moving and she is very busy at work so they could not get together till sometime in april ..I might have to go through chemo or surgery or something alone in that long length of time when they feel they have time for me..I think it is awful..I never requested this in my life form them and I just assume not even tell them now as this hurt me

I had stressed several times in my email that it was very important and imperative I speak to them, that I had been trying to deal with it on my own but need my family's support right now and that I would be very hurt if they refused this request along with mentioning I would not have requested this unless it was crucial

I feel very hurt..I decided not to reply and I made a mistake thinking they would care or in any way be supportive so I in my anger Googled " my family does not care I have cancer" and saw your post

It is very mean I can see being mad at a sibling or even in extreme cases stopping contact but when they contract a serious disease like that it is time to change one's ways and come together in love and support,

I feel this happened also to us when my mom died too she was the glue that held our dysfunctional family together.

I feel I have noted in life karma does get us or if not in the next life we will give an account to God. I have found often God makes me walk in the shoes of someone I criticized so I can know how it feels..

I have found one person cannot necessarily change things but sometimes they can as the change in them can ripple out.

You need to be an extra support to your brother right now and make him feel you care very much to help with the sting of the other brothers not caring.

we cannot generally change others and often not even ourselves and I have found despite passing of years, all of my siblings have stayed true o who they have always been showing little growth or change with age.

often crappy relatives stay crappy, stingy ones stay stingy, apathetic ones stay apathetic and even something like cancer does not change their core personality or beliefs. They will never see themselves as someone else does.

Keep striving to do the right thing..maybe you could ply as game we used to do with my kids in doing things like write down what you respect about X, what are x's best gifts, what is one of my favorite memories with x, it was so funny when x did x, x's best physical traits are x and x etc and this seems to build love and good feelings

maybe one and one only heart to heart talk or some story that will get them to see the error of their way n a way that is not preachy and resonates. If it fails, have to accept this is how it is.

thank you tbaily..i just dnt know about them brothers of mine i love them all but i just dnt know what to do....but imma leave it in the lords hands

MSDIVA That is sooo sad. I wouldnt want to see a enemy suffer from cancer how sad. Siblings can be so Cruel I wonder if deep down they don't feel some kind of hurt for your brother.. I Hope and I will Pray for you I hope something changes for you and your ill brother. You sound like me when it comes to gatherings Im the same way with hubbys family I might as well sit at kiddy table because I pretty much hang with kiddies whole time... yep they think all the adults are crazy.....lol Keep us updated.... Praying for you all....