I guess I'm not alone with this problem. I'm the one with all the responsibility for the well being of my parents. I too feel like an only child. I have a brother and sister-but their backs are turned and here I am. My husband has had to hear my venting - sooo I think I have found the perfect place !!! My Mom has MS and my Dad has some dementia going on. I recently was able to get them into an Assisted Living. (Had to do this alone-very hard on me). I am mad at my brother and sister for leaving this up to me. My sister lives far - but doesn't work. She came recently for a few days and left. She is like in the Bible: Has already recieved her reward. She makes sure to toot her horn always. My brother is worried about what he is going to get, rather than helping out. I don't want anything to do with them - never thought I would feel this way. I have become bitter. What hurts the most - my mom favors my sister over me.
Yours is the only behavior you can control. Take satisfaction that you are doing the right thing.
Basically some people are just not caregivers and some kids can't get past Mom being their Mommy and step up to do what needs to be done for their elderly Mother. If they are hateful and smart mouthed towards you it is because they feel guilty that you are doing it all. They know they should be helping but for whatever reason it just isn't going to happen. It is easier to take out their frustrations with themselves on the caregiver.
Perhaps you can get them to contribute money for daytime help once or twice a week so you can get out of the house. Good luck with that...we were told if I couldn't deal with Mom 24/7 then it was my problem not theirs. We are fortunate to be able to afford any and everything needed for Mom and for my sanity.
I know when the time comes they will be loudly crying and putting on quite the show. I have the satisfaction of knowing my husband and I gave Mom the very best of care for 2 years. No regrets or resentment here.
Good luck and God bless!
I am in the same situation. I am the only daughter and the oldest and I have two younger brothers who expect me to take care of our mother. And to make it worse, she is not upset with them and expects me to be there. But, I cannot help how my brothers do nothing for our mother. I love them but I do not feel it is up to me to blame them and cause animosity in our family. They will have to answer for bit being good sons but, I will do all I can to help my mother not feel bad either. I will do the best I can for her and try to protect her from feeling my brothers don't care. I am not sure why they don't do more but I think they feel I am the girl and it is my responsibility.
I am disappointed with them. They could help our 90 year old mother in so many ways. I am disabled so I am not able to physically care for her but I do make sure she has a nice place to live and is comfortable. I have always helped mother financially while they took from her. But they are financially secure now and very seldom do they give her anything. But, I do not let them make me angry. I have too much to worry about to be in a family feud with them. I just pray if she really needs them and I cannot be there for her, they will be there for her. I would love for them to just.call het and check on her and visit occasionally since I am unable to do as much as I use to. She lives alone and has no friends, so she is lonely but I cannot help help her make friends or be a friend. She is very critical of others. So, I just do the best I can and am so blessed to still have so healthy and taking care of herself. I tried talking my mother into going in a nice Assisted Living" close to me but she does not want to go. When, I no longer have my husband to take me where I need to go and to help me, I hope I can move in there. I think it would serve my needs perfectly. Maybe mother will change her mind since she will not be able to drive or live alone much. Longer. I have seen her really slow down this year.
But, I hope you will heal yourself and let go of your hurt, anger and disappointments that your siblings will not help your parents. It is their loss and I am sure God will richly bless you for you love and faithfulness. To Honor Our Parents is so important to God. It is the only one of the Ten Commandments, where He promises us a special blessing of a long life if we will take care of our parents. You are not only a wonderful daughter, you are honoring and obeying God and you can expect to live longer by taking your responsibility of looking after your parents and being there, even if none of your other sibling will help. They will miss out on the blessings and not obeying God, will not give them the peace that God will give to you. So, we mush pray for all of our family members, especially those who do not treat us right. And when something happens to your parents, they will cry the loudest and may feel very guilty in the end.
You are a lovely lady with a beautiful spirit and I know your parents are very proud of all you have done for them. But, it seems people are not willing to sacrifice for others and how sad we do not have more love and respect for our own family. God bless and may God give you the peace that passes all understanding in the middle of your broken heart.
Sunny
T