I really just need to vent. My mom had to move in with me ( and my husband and children 1300 miles from her home state ) after my dad died last year, mostly because of money.
( because NO ONE ELSE stepped up to help I have 4 more sisters ) My parents were alcoholics and VERY neglectful and abusive. I moved out at 16 and built myself a wonderful life. I didn't realize until last year that there was a word for her personality. Narcissist. I blamed my dead dad for EVERYTHING until he passed and THEN my eyes were opened. I lost a brother 30 years ago also. My mom is such a miserable negative person its making me physically ILL to be surrounded by her DRAMA and misery EVERY DANG DAY. I have to relive my brothers death almost every day because of her. Between her drs visits ( shes went full blown hypochondriac since shes moved here ) and the death of my dad and brother that's ALL she talks about. Nobody talks to her on the phone because of it but Im STUCK with it everyday. Her GOOD memories are my childhood NIGHTMARES and she makes me relive them almost daily as shes walking down memory lane. when she moved here it was agreed that she would spend time at all my sisters houses so I can have a break. Well that's not going to happen she so miserable NOBODY can be around her and shes MEAN and says NASTY things out loud to all her daughters and comes up with excuses not to go visit anybody. Shes on a waiting list for a place in her home state ( where she has 2 daughters and multiple grandkids ). One of my sisters told me last year that mom is my responsibility now ( HUH ?? ) that was the day I marched upstairs to tell my mom this wasnt working out and she needs to move back to her home state where she has more relatives and old friends . I had been wanting to say that to my mom after her living with us for just 1 month but didnt have the guts UNTILL that 1 sister told me she was MY responsibility now .I pray to god EVERY DAY to make this happen sooner than later( her getting her own place ). I am being drowned by her misery. I did not deserve this. Im not sure what our relationship is going to be like when she leaves to be honest if I never had to see her again I could live with that.....guilt free....I tried and I am TIRED and I just want my life back..........DONT MOVE YOUR ELDERLY NARCISSIST MOTHER IN WITH YOU.
I would seriously contact other relatives about sharing her care until she gets into the apartment. Good luck!
You say you can't afford therapy, but there are sources that use sliding scales, are subsidized, etc. Please look into that -- you deserve all the help you can get.