My mother has just passed away in Hospice after a long battle with Dementia. She had been living in a nursing home after moving from Asst Si. Many years ago my brother in law cursed and threw my mother out of their home and the relationship was almost non existent since. My sister of late had been "visiting" my mom occasionally (she had moved to my State 3 years ago at my request) after being almost totally alone for many many years. My sister is very money oriented and has hinted many times about "splitting whatever money is left" I recently read her will in which she stated that EVERYTHING she had was to go to me and and specified that nothing was to go to her Grandson (my sisters son) who did not invite her to his wedding and has seen hardly ever seen her. There is very little money left as I was preparing to apply for Medicaid in the next few months. I called my sister to tell her that she was in Hospice and dying--she told me she had the flu and didn't want to infect anyone. Then she proceed to go on vacation for a week because "she couldn't afford to loose the money. To top that off--Her son (adult who works))(whom I give a lot of credit to for coming) his wife (whom my mother never met) and their son age 7 -whom my mother had never met. are coming for the funeral......She paid for all their flights and has be "hinting that I should repay her with mom's money.
Here is the question: My husband and I have decided to not repay her for the flights as our adult children(who both work) are paying their own way and are a refusing to take any money from us (they spent a lot of time with Grandma. And------We decided that whatever monies are left should go evenly divided only to the 3 grandchildren (including her son--as he was a child when this argument happened).. I know that she will be "pissed off" which is not the intention.....Opinions would be appreciated
I think I understand that you and your husband are trying to put an end to the family strife in hopes that relationships can move forward. Money is a tricky subject. Your plan could work, unless your sister has a problem with the math- does that work out to 2/3 to your children and 1/3 to her son?
Do what makes you feel will be easiest for you to live with going forward. If sister is determined to be unhappy, she will be unhappy. Maybe she will be like you and will help establish peace between everyone in the family.
Personally, I like to keep my hands and conscience clean. I would do what makes me feel right with the situation.
Does your sister realize that she is isn't asking you for "mom's money" -- she is asking for you to pay for the flights?
I sure hope my family honors my will or why did I even write it?
Your mother left it to you; it is your gift. If you choose, at some later date to share that gift with your sister or your nephew that is your choice.
Are you OK with never seeing your sister again?
The poster who said "wait a year" probably had the best advice.
I would tell Angry Sister simply that it will be many months for the will to go through probate; delay her pissed-off-ness with that. Keep the money for a year as any leftover financial predicaments get resolved, then decide on a nice summer's day in 2014, when this is not so raw, what you want to do. It's a gift to you. If I gave you a gift, I wouldn't want you to hand it to someone else before savoring the love that was behind it.