Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was feeling depressed all day. I told my mother I was feeling depressed and she came up with all kinds of things I was doing wrong that made me that way. I listened, but knew she was missing it. Last night I told her I was depressed because I listened to her talk about how sick she was and how she wanted to die 24/7/365 for the last four years. She teared up and said that she did want to die and go be with Daddy. I said, "There you go. That's why I'm depressed." I can't bring my father back and I can't cure what's wrong with her. What I said registered with her. Life has been pleasant since we had the talk. No more talk of death and disease. I have a new self defense -- the truth. I did not speak unkindly to her, just truthfully. It was something I needed to do. I hope things continue to be better.
I've written so many times that when I was caring for my dad my brother never offered to help me. I spoke to him frequently and he never offered his assistance. I never thought to ask him for help. I assumed he should know that I needed help. He assumed that if I needed help I would ask for it. I finally asked for his help in the midst of a meltdown on my part and he dropped what he was doing to help me and he stayed involved until the day our dad died.
We have to ask for what we need and not assume that people should know what we need (not that I'm saying you did that). Your mom probably had no clue that her daily complaints and sorrow were having such a negative effect on you. What you needed from her was reasonable, you expressed it to her, and she was willing to change her behavior. I think that's wonderful!!
I'm so glad you shared this, JessieBelle!
I hope it continues to work for you and your mum.
Nice thing about the truth is that it can be revisited when needed. For now, the Sunday afternoon sleepies are creeping in. I think I'll take a nap while she watches her preachers on TV. She likes going to church, out to eat, then watching the preachers. Sunday is like a nice vacation.