Sometimes I wish this would end. Then I hate myself for that.
Before being my grandmothers caregiver I didn't have a decent job. I could not afford college, so finding employment was hard in a declining area where I lived. When the market was saturated with others laid off that had more experience or education, minimum wage jobs were fought over. That sounds like an excuse. Maybe it was. After being laid off from a job that I could only get part time minimum wage, I did the math. I was making more money doing odd jobs here and there and selling stuff on eBay. So I stuck to it. I finally saved enough to get a cheap apartment and go to a trade school. Then grandma fell.
Now it's been years. The thousands of dollars I painstakingly saved are gone. I have nothing. No income, no marketable job experience, education, 63 dollars in the bank and a chronic back/spinal issue that has gotten worse after having to transfer grandma.
I've burned out twice. Once 2 or 3 years ago. Time blurs. Last Christmas l burned out again. But it was a different type. More like depression. It still hasn't ended. I stay awake at night usually getting about 2 hours sleep. All I do is worry where do I go and what do I do after. I just Google and Google and read jobs I'm not qualified for. I can't even sell stuff on eBay anymore. It's too hard to find someone to sit and watch grandma to even run to the post office. And now that her dementia worsened, I'm to emotionally stressed to do it even if I could. So now I'm broke and been broke since Christmas. The money I saved for my future was spent on groceries and depends. All the Christmas money people gave me (because they saw me struggling) went to pay the overdrawn bank account.
Sometimes I wish this would end. Then I hate myself for that. Then I think I need this to continue because now I have nowhere to go. I don't even have a friend to stay with anymore. When you haven't met up with your friends in years and always decline invitations to dinner/weddings/BBQ/movies/bars/basically any and all social interaction, they stop calling. Even phone calls were awkward. They talk about their child or going to the game or wife etc. I talk about having to clean up urine from the hospital bed at 2am or how I had to make 2 breakfasts because grandma forgot she asked for a waffle and refuses to eat said waffle because she said she wanted a English muffin and I was wrong.
I fear the future. I crave escape. I just want someplace warm to live, low stress and a job where the pain doesn't kill me.
My mother tries to get him to do things but he won't when I had to go to the dr mom made him come over for a few hours but all that time he made a huge deal he had to leave at 5 because he's going out to dinner with friends. Then a few months later I wanted to volunteer at a church homeless program to cook but he said he's done his time for the year of watching grandma. And refused. It's not that my mother doesn't get after him. It's that he doesn't care. From what I observe I don't think he realizes how he is. It's like how you see strange people at 2am in Walmart. They don't know they're the strange ones. He's been that way all his life. Hence, I don't even bother asking anything from him. I don't consider him at all.
Oh most definitely. I like to be able to physically talk with someone who doesn't argue back. Just hope it doesn't kill my back or joints. Am am moderately concerned about pain management. Norco really wreaks havoc on my digestive system. I rather not take it. Maybe I'll look into medical marijuana, specifically CBD that way I'll get the pain reliving properties without narcotic effect.
If I don't get fired with my first paycheck, what is more important? Replacing falling apart clothes, worn out shoes or a phone with a battery that substitutes as a hand warmer / potential emergency road flare? Hell, most likely I'll spend it on food and cigarettes. -_- *survival mode*
Your mother has got to stop being afraid of him and challenge him about your grandmother's care costs. You don't happen to live in a state with those filial responsibility laws do you? - it'd be nice to think of some people one would be glad to see caught by them.
You're going to feel so much better once you have regular money of your own, and - fingers crossed - co-workers you like and... well, just some normality! Doesn't matter that it's a basic job,it's still a start. Hope you can get it organised really soon.
I doubt I will get more respit as we cannot afford to private pay anyone and the aging agency that provides the current 3 hours a week is struggling budget wise. They cut everyone's hours across the board. Apparently, they didn't get a grant and lost private funding.
My interests and dreams huh... I'm not sure what is attainable to be honest. I like to read which I am able to do (with interruption). I also like to cook but have to wait until I put grandma to bed. If I boil water she panicks because she sees the steam and thinks it'll boil over. Frying up an onion or chicken breast makes her cough so I wait until she's asleep and close the bedroom door.
My dreams are simple. Some not so attainable as others. I'd like to go on one of those Indian hallucinogenic spirit walks in the desert. I saw a tv special on it. Apparently, it's constitutally protected and legal. Think it might be good for me. Bring me clarity of purpose. I'd like to work in a different country but immigration for unskilled labor is hard. Finally, after all that I'd like to die on a warm beach.
You are an amazing young woman. Not everyone would be willing or able to care for their grandmother. Its hard work. And its not easy I know.
I hope you can find more respite care. Or with the help of a social worker access more community resources. I know its not easy giving up all your time to be a caregiver. Its always hard to find the right balance. But I hope you will also take time to pursue your own interests and dreams. Time gets away from all us. I wouldn't want you to have regrets.
Recently my mother said she'll watch over grandma in the evening so I could try to get a part time job at a restaurant. That "work" will be my "vacation" ;)
Doubtful. Only helps when my mother yells at him. Not financial wise. He had grandma pay him back for the 2 99cent yogurts he bought form the store for her.
I applaud your philosophical attitude, and yes you're right, and one doesn't even have to go as far as a war zone to count one's blessings. Only yesterday lunchtime a woman not that far away from me, out in town minding her own business, got hit in the head by falling debris and killed. 29 years old, same age as my daughter; I dread to think what state her family is in this morning. It does concentrate the mind, the sheer randomness of fortune.
But there is nothing random about your family's situation. I'll keep my uncharitable thoughts about your uncle to myself (if you can manage to be restrained then what excuse have I got?); but the fact remains that the caregiving burden is currently falling on the person least able to shoulder it, and that is Not Fair.
I'm sure your mother is doing all she can, but she has rather thrown you to the wolves. One more thing she can do is rethink all this.
Has anyone written all the figures down on a spreadsheet and presented it to your uncle? "This is what it costs, in terms of money and time. This is who is currently paying those prices. This is what you're chipping in. Got anything to say for yourself?"
To be honest, I let my mother handle all that. I get too stressed handling both the bills and grandma.
The prescription isn't the problem but they keep raising the insurance fees every year.
Energy assistance is non existent here. Alot of the money goes to heating the house to blast furnace forging steel hot levels.
Grandma has chewing / swallowing issues and is incredibly picky eater so we can only buy certain things but we do get some food help.
Grandma is $40 over income every month for extra government assistance. Nothing we can do about it.
I have no income. Grandma can't afford to pay me anything. I'm 30 grandma is 90.
It could be worse. I hate to come across as whiny. I could be a Syrian refugee living on the streets of Greece or hit by a bus and disabled. I shouldn't complain.
How old are you? Your Grandma?
My uncle.... He would call grandma on the phone about once a week from his winter home to brag about a new purchase of something (phone, car, etc) then I have to hear grandma boast about him to visiting doctors or guests. Then when I say he should maybe buy her some depends or boost instead of me or mom paying for it. She gets defensive and keeps saying all he did. But most of the stuff he helped with was 10, 15, 20 years ago.
I don't understand why so many grandchildren are having to take care of their grandparents? This does not sound fair at all to me.
I actually was able to volunteer cooking for the homeless at a church last week and it felt good. Really good. Finding someone to watch grandma for 5 hours while I cooked was challenging, to say the least. It took about 4 days to find someone to stay with grandma.
These years beat us up. As the hug image says, it is okay not to be okay.