Any stories about your very sweet parent?

Sorry none here. Just found out my mother has been telling my brother I was after her money for years. Telling the biggest, windy lies you ever heard. Trying to pit us against each other. None of it true. And this after my father verbally and emotionally abused me. Well, I guess that says it all. I do hope someone has something good to say. Just not me, not today.....

Well now! Off to a good start, lol....

My dad lived with me for 5 years and he was the sweetest, most caring, intelligent and devoted father I could have asked for. And during the bad caregiving times I got angrier with myself than I did at my dad. I got angry at myself because it was very burdensome being a full-time caregiver but not because my dad was a mean, nasty, manipulative person but because it was such a difficult job.

When my dad had a bout of incontinence of stool while we were in the car I pulled over at a gas station and ran in to get some towels and my poor dad, standing by the side of the car with the most pained look on his face as stool poured down his leg into his shoe. How humiliating that had to have been for him and it was just one of many heartbreaks I would suffer as his caregiver.

I wanted him to feel needed so I would go to him and ask his advice about something concerning my teenage daughter and he was always so supportive and considerate. He loved my daughter so much and enjoyed watching her grow and blossom into a lovely young lady.

He was very active and social for a while, enjoying groups that were for senior citizens. Bingo, bridge and other events sponsored by this senior club he joined. He was a social person by nature and he was loved wherever he went. When he was still able to do the grocery shopping he went to the same store that he had been going to for years and they all knew him there and loved him so that when he was unable to drive anymore I still took him to that store and people would come up to me and tell me how much they loved him. He was a former college professor and several times he ran into former students and they told him how much they learned from him and what a great professor he was and my dad absolutely beamed!

Even towards the end, with the brain swelling and subsequent dementia and his liver failing he trusted me and loved me and told me all the time how grateful he was for my help and my love. On his last conscious day he was so tormented, so scared, so sick that it felt natural to stand up next to his wheelchair where he sat and pull his head to my chest and stroke his hair like I used to do with my daughter when she was little. And like my daughter used to do, my dad leaned in and allowed me to soothe him.

My dad is the best man I ever knew. He was a devoted husband of 40 years and an active father to us both. He'd work hard all day and come home to us screaming and grabbing him and begging him to wrestle with us and he'd go and change clothes and get down on the floor with us and wrestle.

He didn't like being in a nursing home but he accepted it. He didn't take it out on me or my brother in any way. He was always gracious and thankful and the staff loved him. He was in a wheelchair without pedals and his fat little legs would propel him around the NH and until he got to the end of his life he spent much of his time in the NH in their 'library' reading books.

One last thing: He had 2 'tablemates' at the NH. 2 men he ate with. One was a younger guy with MS and the other an elderly man like my dad and they both told me independently how much they liked my father. As I said, he was loved wherever he went and I lived my entire life hearing about how much people loved my dad. My friends, neighbors, local merchants......To this day I still hear from people who adored him and when he died several people from his past long before he met my mom contacted me and told me stories of things my dad did that impressed them, told me wickedly funny things my dad did that are still talked about and remembered to this day.

I can't imagine having to care for someone who is difficult or mentally ill or who has severe personality disorders. We read about that all the time here. Caregiving was difficult enough but with my dad's sweet temperament I think it was easy as it could have been.

I had my dad much longer than I had my mom and because I cared for him we grew even closer than we had been. I love my mom, I miss my mom but the loss of my dad makes my heart actually ache.

Everishlass, I'm blown away by your story of such an amazing man. You told it so well that I could envision him coming home from work. He must have been the professor that was difficult to get unless you signed up on the first day. Thank you so much for sharing it.

I'm sorry palmtrees, I had an aunt who did that. Fortunately, my cousins and I figured it out by the time we were teens.