When you are the sole caregiver, there are not many joys life can deliver.
You slump & slink into depression, you put your life on hold and enter into a recession.
It’s the right thing to do, of course that’s what you think, only to learn that keeping their head above water causes you to sink.
You can feel your own sanity starting to slip it becomes a daily struggle to not totally lose your grip.
As their demands increase, there’s a decline in your compassion, you try to resolve things in ways your brain cannot ration.
Then one day in your deepest despair, you come across something called AgingCare.
As you read postings on this website, you feel a twinge of hope & catch a flicker of light.
Everyday you visit to do more reading, you soon realize you’ve found a safe place to help with your healing.
Although you’re still caring for your loved one, you improve your perspective to the best it can be thanks to the love & support of your AgingCare family!
susan xoxoxo
I found this site by accident as I was desperately googling, trying to find reason in why my mother - a strong, brilliantly intelligent woman had suddenly begun to have bowel incontinence and worse - seemed unable to take her brief off without covering the bathroom and herself in poo.
You have no idea how lost and depressed I was, cause this was just the latest in my five year - soon to be six - struggle in looking after her and watching her slip into becoming someone I no longer recognized.
But wait! Maybe you do have an idea of how I felt. As it turned out - there were lots of people who knew exactly how I felt... because it was happening to them too.
Here on AC I asked for advice, I received it and I followed it. It didn’t take long for things to get... better?... maybe to strong a word but things became tolerable, at least. Not because my mom improved - but because I did. With the help of the folks here!
A special shout-out to BarbBrooklyn and CarlaB. My personal guardian angles. They may not even know that - how they impacted my life. But they did - along with so many others.
I will be grateful until my last breath. Or until dementia robs me of my memory. Whichever comes first. Hopefully, death.
i found the site by googling ' dementia ' . i then proceeded to read nearly every back article that AC had published on the subject -- even before joining the forum .
dementia caregiving still twisted my brain into knots but by 6 months into it i was sharing information and observations with ( some ) hospice workers who probably got their certification out of a cracker jack box .
' others ' were brilliant and dedicated professionals .
This is a valuable little community!
I got totally slammed here by a couple of long time posters...and they were right. It wasn't my place to make decisions for her. I was fortunate that I stuck around so that when my mom started to decline, I had folks to ask questions of. I wouldn't have made it through my mom's death were it not for frequent flyer, V, gardenartist, countrymouse, jeannegibbs and many, many others who talked me through years, months and minutes until her last breath. This place is invaluable.
This site has been a buoy in a very stormy sea. Aged/elderly don't get better and if its an aged/elderly thats stubborn and refusal to see reason and logic as to all the deep increasing, ever increasing never ceasing need, then YOU have to be the one that changes what/how you participate... or don't.
AC's many many folks that have paved that path before you, immeasurably supportive in how to find that path for yourself and save your own sanity.
This site should have a profile on 60 Minutes or some other popular venue..to inform those out there adrift in elderly care
.. there is help. Lots of it .. in those who've lived it.
Yes this site should be featured on 60 Minutes, 20/20 etc.
This forum has helped me a great deal during the most difficult period of my life, and for that reason, I hang around and try to support others going through the same issues, even though my caregiving journey ended over a year ago.
Best wishes to you. I'm glad you're finding the help and support here that I did.
I feel like y'all have been better friends to me than the people in my life I call "family" and "friends". I have had better advice and more prayers offered up in my behalf from essential strangers than I have from my family.
And I hope I have given some advice and support too.
Super shout out to Frazzledmama, Midkid58, Rainmom, Buzzybee, OldSailor, Dorker & so many others who are no longer posting here anymore. Y'all have made a difference in my journey as I follow along with your journeys. Thank you for being here 24/7/365
I still keep learning from everyone here, and I hope I can help someone else who may be going through some of the things I have experienced. I'm so grateful for you guys and this community.
Longears- I just saw your comment and I appreciate you too! Hugs, your encouragement and support has meant so much.
I feel it is a safe place to come and vent and for the most part a no judgement zone too. Good people.
However, the way things have turned out for me I am so pleased to have people who understand what I am going through because they have dealt with the same problems.
I really appreciate this site & all the wisdom & care people show to one another.
Sometimes I wish we could all meet in a big room somewhere to get to know each other better--associate faces with names, etc.
A Blessed Thanksgiving & Holiday Season to all Earthly Angels!😇❤️
love and Blessings to all.....
Liz
Much love and light to all.
Pearl