And have never been in the situation are ignorant.
But your parent can.t be alone most of the time because she falls and thats only part of the problem, she has two bad knees and a bad rotary cup, but at 80 surgery is a risk. how do I care for her if I have to work two jobs just so I can have a car and a home of my own? If there was some sort of income for this situation, I could at least drop my part time job and be with her more. I spend a lot of time with her when I can but I worry about her falling and laying on the floor for 6 hours like the last time she fell because she didnt want to bother me at work! I need some sort of resource for what it is I can do in order to take proper care of my mother, I feel guilty because I am a caregiver at my job and here I am taking care of others more than I am for my own mother! any ideas?
You don't say if she can afford to pay a salary for inhome care. I'm not familiar with how that works, but I've read here that seniors, assuming they are competent, can enter into contracts to pay for certain services they need. You'll need to have an attorney prepare it. Maybe others here who know more about that can chime in.
If she doesn't have the funds to pay for in-home care, then I would see what she does qualify for. Can her doctor order more care for her?
So instead, the States and Federal Government offer Medicaid to help in situations like this, where Medicaid will pay for nursing home care which is less expensive then paying for 3 shifts of caregivers at home. Some States Medicaid offer programs to give a caregiver a small minimum wage salary for a few hours of work.... as we all know caring for an elder means eventually working 168 hours a week.
Please note that a vast majority of grown children who take care of their parent do so without any pay.... unless the parent can pay that grown child.
Below I have literally cur and pasted info on medicaid which I am sure you know about.
To answer your question though - You don't give up your jobs you stay in work and, hard as it is, you recognise that the time has come for her to move into a more secure environment and your doctor needs to support and recommend that. You cannot do more than you do - you too would become sick. It is NOT financially or physically viable for you to continue the care FOR her but it is viable for you to CARE for her sufficiently to do best by the situation as it presents. I hope I have made the distinction clear there.
Life has bitter pills for us to swallow all along the way. Those who say you shouldn't be paid aren't ignorant, far from it. They just have a different viewpoint (one that I don't share incidentally) - for them the care is more important and they will waive everything else to do it - they may also have partners and siblings who help. By the way if you do have siblings what is their input?
This is not going to be easy for you and my heart goes out to you in making tis difficult decision
Services covered under Medicaid
Each state runs its own Medicaid programs and determines which services are included. However, all states are required to provide certain mandatory benefits. These mandatory benefits include:
Inpatient and outpatient hospital services
Screening, treatment, and diagnostic services
Nursing facility services
Home health care
Doctor's services
Rural health clinic services
X-ray and laboratory services
Family Nurse Practitioner services
(Ive missed out the ones that relate to children)
In addition to the above list of mandatory benefits, states can also choose to provide Medicaid coverage for optional benefits like occupational or physical therapy services; speech and hearing services; or respiratory care services.
If she has Medicare and Medicaid then
Dual eligible: qualifying for Medicare and Medicaid
Beneficiaries who qualify for both Medicaid and Medicare Part A and/or Part B are known as "dual eligible."
If you are dual eligible, you may qualify for benefits through state-run Medicare Savings Programs (MSPs), which provide coverage for certain Medicare premiums, deductibles, and copayments. While the type of benefits available depends on the dual eligible individual's income level and the specific MSP, it is possible for Medicaid to cover all out-of-pocket expenses. Individuals who qualify for full Medicare coverage are considered Full Benefit Dual Eligible (FBDE).
In addition, those who qualify for an MSP automatically qualify for Medicare Extra Help (a program that helps low-income individuals with prescription drug costs). For more information on each state's Medicare Savings Program eligibility requirements and enrollment, please visit this list of state MSP websites.
Now I don't know about the USA so I could be stepping on toes - if so just ignore me
In the UK to be a caregiver you have to be trained (unless you are employed privately) That actually means you know what you're doing whereas most of us hope we are doing the right thing and learn as we go along. There are some on here who have so much knowledge I am in awe ...some not so much and we are here to learn.
If I was to be really political about it and this is only my opinion and I know I will or could be cried down by others who feel very differently then:
The government should ensure you have adequate training to do the job professionally and with skills that will keep your stress levels to a minimum and should provide respite in a way that works for you not for the person you look after
They should pay a basic level of pay (they being the government or the person depending on means testing) to the carer for their time BUT this should be offset if accommodation and food etc is provided.
This of course will escalate taxation to a seriously high level and therefore will never occur.
From the flip side of the coin there is an argument that your parents brought you into this world and cared for you and nurtured you without pay for so doing (I do not subscribe to this - it isn't true in many cases - the nurture bit not the pay bit) and while they CHOSE to have me that was not in a pay forward way - Oh I will have kids and they can look after me later - that wasn't why I had children.
You don't HAVE to look after your parents though; so if you don't like the system the way it is, you have two options suck it up or don't do it.....I suck it up with appallingly bad grace
Most children aren't in that position though hence my comments. If I didn't care for my mum she would sell her home to pay for her care. That would be her choice too. She can't afford to pay me a proper wage and stay at home. It's not possible so the state does what it can and we want it to do more financially boy oh boy are our taxes going to go through the roof. Whatever country we live in.