This morning while getting ready for work I was thinking about my Mom (of course) when the thought came whether it be a God thought or just my brain. I struggle so hard to make my mom's life in the nursing home the best it can be and my best requirements are very different from theirs. My mom did not take care of me as a child she left me with whomever at the time they had to keep me. She left me in the care of people I should have never been left with people that she knew had problems and should not have me. She and my dad worked all the time. They owned their own business that was open 24/7 I spent one Christmas with my parents in 1979 I was 22. I asked her once wear I was all those Christmas's she said she didn't remember and I don't remember a lot. Enough of that, I was in counseling for that and it helped. Today I realized in an instance that I act crazy about her because I do not want to be her. I put her in the nursing home because I could no longer care for her, but unlike her I want to make sure she is safe and cared for. The fact I put her there haunts me because it reminds me of her leaving me and I have to make sure I am not her that I do the right thing by her....so I have become the hamster in the wheel. I am meeting this morning at 11:00 with the Hospice Social Worker at her request to talk to me and meet my mom. Just wanted to share my thoughts again....this site has become my journal because I know that no one understands better than you do.
I'll remind you that many, many parents have to find at least part time care for their children. Most of them are pretty diligent in trying to ensure it is good care. It can be a healthy part of growing up for the children. Unfortunately it didn't work that way in your case.
Many, many adult children have to find care environments for their parents. Some of the same reasons apply, and in addition it can be physically more demanding to care for a helpless 150 pound person than an 18 pound person. With appropriate oversight and advocating, a care center can be a good or often the best choice for the parent.
You are not neglectful, as your parents were. You are still looking after her best interests. I think you can justifiably totally let go of the fear that you are or will display the undesirable traits of your parents. Get out of that hamster wheel. You can care for her without going "crazy" about it.
Do you have children?
In most cases the hospice staff are a wonderful support not only for the dying person but also for the loved ones. You deserve all the support available!
im getting old enough to slow down and look back a little bit . the person i have became is made up of bits and pieces of the worthwhile characteristics of everyone i have ever met , minus the flaws and annoying traits of everyone ive ever met .
its like digital data -- grab the useful bits and delete the trash ..
on a similar note i understand why its risky legal territory to discipline a child . if you ultimately light up your kids ass because they wont listen and make repairs the judge is on your side . if you slap a kid senseless because youre an idiot who never taught them anything you could find yourself in handcuffs -- as imo , it should be ..
And you're not like your mother. What sets us apart is one simple drop of compassion that we managed to dredge up from somewhere. And that's all it took. In caring instead of abusing, we're already different and one step ahead and thank God for it.