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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Sounds to me like some sort of shared time schedule needs to be instututed. If a sibling thinks it is so easy let them try it for awhile. They should be sharing in the care anyway, and not just with money. Time is money too.
I read your entire story and it seems like you have two choices. 1) Ignore them and tell them it's none of their damn business as long as you are doing total care for Mom. 2) (a bluff tactic) Tell them you will be happy to bring Mom over immediately and they can have access to all of her money while they look after her 24/7
Magmarconis - I read your story too. Randall is right: call their bluff. $1,800 a month is reasonable, in fact a bargain, for a place to live, food, utilities, care and rides to the doctor. Do not feel guilty about taking that especially since it was your mom who said she wanted to pay you even more! If the siblings feel that you are taking advantage, they need to take her for a few months.
Unfortunately, I am kind of in a bind right now, when my Mom moved in I told her she did not have to give me that much money, but insisted to give me her social security check. A year after she moved in my husband lost his job of 20 years, so now the problem is I do need it to maintain the utilities and food for the house. It is not her only income she also receives a monthly pension and my sisters recently sold her house. A savings account has been set up for a monthly amount from an annunity from the proceeds from the sale of her house going into a savings with all of our names on it, with my Mom as POA. It addition she also has another annunity of about $200,000. that they will benefit from. I guess my delemia is not that I want her money, but unfortunately right now I need to to survive in the house. I work in underwriting residential mortgages so am very aware of the market for selling real estate and unfortunately would lose about $70,000. if I sold the home I bought three years ago today. I 'm sure they are aware of my financial issues, but were "up in arms" when they found out she was paying for expenses, they said it was too much. My Mom's accountant in a discreet way mentioned how much it would cost for her care elsewhere to try to make them understand because, he took care of his mother and knows what it is like. The other issue is, I try to get my Mom to go for a ride for the day to see my sister that lives 45 minutes away when we were visiting his sister who lived close to her, but she does not want to go. The only place she will go with me is to my son's house (I guess she feels comfortable there) she goes in and lay's on his couch, just like at my house. And she will go with me to get a pedicurre and manicure, but that is it. I could certainly use a break. Everytime she talks to me from work she asks me what time I will be home, so I try to spend as much time as possible with her so she won't be lonely. My realtionship with two of my three sisters has become very distant after one of them attached me about accepting the money from my Mom. She said she would not have accepted it. Any other suggestions anyone has is much appreciated. Thanks
Honey, the sister who said she wouldn't accept money is clueless or a liar. Get a quote or two from assisted living facilities and send them to her so she gets a touch of reality. Finally, since your Mom is happiest with you and obviously has enough income that she is not hurting by giving some to you, tell Sis to shut her trap. I'm sure your Mom realizes that especially now, the money she contributes to the household is important. It is no ones business but yours and your Mom's. It seems like a relationship with you and your sister is not that important and not worth your grief.
Magmarconis, You already know the cost is more than anything you receive, so don't sell yourself short. Your mother wants you to have the money.....allow her to pay you. Good of you to care for her. Your mother wants your care and not your sibling's for a reason. Your mother knows their character or lack thereof. Her judgement is obviously quite sound. I would suggest you draw up a written agreement with your mother and HAVE IT NOTARIZED!!!!! It will be a legal document and your siblings will have nothing to say about it. Send them copies if they give you a hard time. I'm sorry you have been placed in the position of having to protect your mother from them, but she is counting on you. GOD's divine protection to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1) Ignore them and tell them it's none of their damn business as long as you are doing total care for Mom.
2) (a bluff tactic) Tell them you will be happy to bring Mom over immediately and they can have access to all of her money while they look after her 24/7
You already know the cost is more than anything you receive, so don't sell yourself short. Your mother wants you to have the money.....allow her to pay you. Good of you to care for her. Your mother wants your care and not your sibling's for a reason. Your mother knows their character or lack thereof. Her judgement is obviously quite sound.
I would suggest you draw up a written agreement with your mother and HAVE IT NOTARIZED!!!!! It will be a legal document and your siblings will have nothing to say about it. Send them copies if they give you a hard time.
I'm sorry you have been placed in the position of having to protect your mother from them, but she is counting on you.
GOD's divine protection to you.