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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Welcome..you haven't included much information in the post, but if you are looking for the connection between unhealthy living and depression, I would have to say that there is a connection.
LOL...nice observation. i run errands for my mother in-law and I'm not sure if it's losing her mind or depression or both. I just hate the way she is living. She is now infested with roaches AGAIN..after we have cleaned and worked so hard to paint her house. She can't keep it up and dishes are stacked up to high heaven to roaches in the fridge and her bottle of Vodka by the bed that she never seems to get out of. She starts about 5 different conversations and can't finish them and takes an hour to write a list for just cat food and cottage cheese. I'm calling SRS tomarrow. I can't take it anymore. Thanks for reaching out so I could air. It's just so difficult to watch.
It is very difficult to watch. I can hardly stand going to my parents house anymore. My parents used to have a lovely home, my mother was the one of the cleanest mothers around. Now they both smoke like chimneys and they don't air out the house. The walls windows, carpet, furniture, and everything in that house is covered in smoke. My mom says she has given up! My dad has had two strokes. The house smells like urine. I don't know what to do I cannot stand the cigarette smoke and my younger children cannot either and I don't take them their anymore. That means that I don't go either. My father needs to go into a nursing home and my mother doesn't want to lose the money in the house and wants us kids to have something left for us. I don't even care at this point. She doesn't want to come live with me either. She is totally competent so I don't know what else I can do. She makes me feel so depressed to see her live like this. So, I can know what you mean to see your loved ones live in unhealthy conditions. I don't know what to do about it though. I hope someone can shed some light for us both and others dealing with this depression of our loved ones and ourselves. Thank you.
Get some help from your aging services groups in your area. It is not easy to watch a loved one live in conditions that are substandard. Sometimes getting a third party involved may help.
It sounds like your mother does not want to be championed and since she is currently a competent adult, as you say, there is not much you can do. It is not easy to watch anyone self-destruct by their own choices and worse when it is parents. However, while I'm not a therapist, I do suggest that you get one who is at least L.C.S.W, Licensed Clinical Social Worker to help you with your emotions. You did not make your mother and dad this way. You can't control them. Nor can you fix them. Do you have Durable and Medical POA for when they are needed and you can really use them.
My parents are as bad or worse than what you are describing. Just yesterday my father emailed my brother saying he is going to kill my mother but what really is going on is my father has been battered for over 50 years and now my mother who is in bad health is acting completely crazy verbally abusing him to no end. The sad thing is our hands are tied because my father will undermine anything we try to do to rectify the situation. He is so emotionally abused (battered person symptom) he believes he deserves whatever my mother dishes out. He cries out to us for help, but when we offer it he will do things like deny my mother hit him etc.. We are trying to contact the primary doctor but because of HIPPA we are afraid he will not give us any info. Should we call the police to report the abuse?? Should we call social services?? They live in SC and we are in MA....long distance but we need to do something or do we??? I am trying to keep from falling into the FOG again ..................
my mom lives with me 79 alz/dementia- she smokes i dont- but now she cant remember that she just put a cig out. so its not enjoyable unless shes chain smoking- so i called the doc and she gave me the ok to start her on the nicotine patch. its been 2 days and she hasnt asked for one yet! my mom was always in pjs at her house with my 48 yr old brother who never left home- she smelt like urine and wandereed around alot. was alone when he went to work- shes doing much better- she goes to the store, bilbe study, and my friends homes- she is doing so much better- but i had to wait for her to want to- she wanted to die in her home, one day she started folding her underwear and said here put this in your car , in a whisper -she did not want brother to hear- we moved her in the next day- hopefully she will come around- i prayed and it happened 2 yrs later- perfect timing as my son has a daughter which makes it her great grand daughter- seeing her and watching americas funniest video and i boutght her a shitzu poodle mix to also cheer her up!!!
so sorry -i could tell my mom was scared of my brother but would not admit it- she spoiled him and now hes a monster, my sister came to ca. from idaho to visit when mom fell and broke her arm, i live 90 miles away and came over for couple of days, well 3 days later she said come get her cuz brother was treating my sister like crap - verbal abuse- my daughter is staying there for last couple of months and she calls me crying too- my mom today said dont want to see him- he was supposed to come to my home to visit- i said why mom- was he mean- did he yell at you? she said yes- did he hit you- she said no- i knew it back then but could do nothing about it cuz she would not admit it- so sorry for your pain- and yes if theres physical abuse- you can see bruises- verbal abuse u cant c as easily- but ya make that call- my moms house payment was $600 now its $1500 cuz of all the refies and borrowing he did- now worth nothing- house is in both of their names and i am her poa
Your dad sounds like my father in law. The really scarry thought is that as your mother declines more, he just might get in touch with that anger and that is when many domestic murders take place. While it probably does not look that way to you, but to me your dad's e-mail makes him sound like he is a danger to others or at least potentially so.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Was this your intention?
It sounds like your mother does not want to be championed and since she is currently a competent adult, as you say, there is not much you can do. It is not easy to watch anyone self-destruct by their own choices and worse when it is parents. However, while I'm not a therapist, I do suggest that you get one who is at least L.C.S.W, Licensed Clinical Social Worker to help you with your emotions. You did not make your mother and dad this way. You can't control them. Nor can you fix them. Do you have Durable and Medical POA for when they are needed and you can really use them.
my mom was always in pjs at her house with my 48 yr old brother who never left home- she smelt like urine and wandereed around alot. was alone when he went to work- shes doing much better- she goes to the store, bilbe study, and my friends homes- she is doing so much better- but i had to wait for her to want to- she wanted to die in her home, one day she started folding her underwear and said here put this in your car , in a whisper -she did not want brother to hear- we moved her in the next day- hopefully she will come around- i prayed and it happened 2 yrs later- perfect timing as my son has a daughter which makes it her great grand daughter- seeing her and watching americas funniest video and i boutght her a shitzu poodle mix to also cheer her up!!!
Your dad sounds like my father in law. The really scarry thought is that as your mother declines more, he just might get in touch with that anger and that is when many domestic murders take place. While it probably does not look that way to you, but to me your dad's e-mail makes him sound like he is a danger to others or at least potentially so.