I don't feel good tonight. there is a big problem going on in my family I can't handle it i'm too tired to write about what going on. gist is there is a big family party coming up at my sisters and she didn't tell me about it beforehand and I am supposed to go but I can't because I feel too threatened by her husband and kid who are all against me. there is more to it... I am just oo tired to go into it more now. I want to give up. she organized this party behind my back knowing that it would be h*ll for me to attend. if I don't though whole extended family will think I am an a**hole because they don't know what is going on behind the scenes in my family. I have to decide in the next 24 hours if I am going to go. she got me real good on this one. so devious. I hate her. my brother will also be there and I haven't seen him in 20 years and last time I saw him he physically assaulted me which she also knows. I probably won't go and then everyone will think I am an a**hole and a coward but they don't know what is going on and it's not appropriate to tell them. this is all too much for me. I can't handle my mom bringing by b*tch sister back into my life. and my mom doesn't give sh*t about how awful my sister is. sorry for the cussing. my therapist isn't available in time to talk to about this. arrrhhggg.
I agree with the advice you have been given above. Why put yourself in an uncomfortable situation? Your Mom will be out of the house for awhile if she goes to the party. Yaaay! You can relax and enjoy your day!
It really is too bad that your brother will be there and that it's you who has to feel uncomfortable. It is healthy that you don't want to be there though - not selfish or rude, just smart.
So your uncle is coming to town. Lovely! Send him an email or even better call him and say you and your mother would love to see him if he has time to drop in. Make or buy a cake. It'll be fun.
Have you even been invited to your sister's ghastly bun-fight yet? Or is it still just an ugly rumour?
Either way, you do not have to be there. And seeing how distressed you are by the mere thought of it I should think it strongly advisable for you not to go. Make your mind up to that: not going. You should find it quite a relief.
So, supposing "people" ask why you're not there. Well, your sister and brother no doubt will make snide remarks. But remember this and take it to heart: they can say what they like, it doesn't mean they will be believed. Why are you so certain that the extended family will disapprove of your choice? How do you know they won't hear your siblings' poisonous comments and privately be thinking "well I'm not surprised she didn't want to come"?
Next, suppose that your mother is invited separately and rushes off to get her hair done for it. Well, just as it's your reasonable choice not to go, it can be her choice to accept and enjoy it. You still don't have to go. If she would like to, that's fine. She needs to tell your sister that she will need to be collected; or if it's not too far to go you can arrange a cab for her. You could even consider putting on a chauffeur's cap and driving her there yourself, as long as you're confident you can turn right round and come straight home again - but I think that might require firmer boundaries than you've got set up just yet, no?
Lean heavily on the old Civil Service mantra "never apologise, never explain." You receive an invitation. You decline it, because not replying at all would be bad manners and you are not rude. But you do not have to apologise, you owe nobody any explanation, and there is no reason on earth for your out-of-town relatives to take it as a slight.
Finally, get a bit of proportion about what your sister's done, here. You're not on speaking terms, so you can't really be surprised that she didn't ring you to chat through her plans. She's organised a party at her house, in honour of her uncle's visit. Is that really so villainous? Clearly, you are virtually allergic to anything that has a whiff of your sister about it; and my goodness I can relate to that (I went no-contact over a year ago); but do not start thinking that attacking you is her only possible motive for anything she does because that a) is a bit crazy and b) will only make you feel more threatened. QED.
Your sister is not more powerful than you. Your sister cannot hurt you. Take deep breaths, feel better, and hugs to you.
Is there somewhere you can go that day? Ice cream parlor? Movie theater? Local public garden?
Do not extend that invite to sister or brother.
You need to stay away from toxic people .. for your own health!
"Sorry, I have plans" is all the information you need give.
Hope you've arranged for someone to pick up mom to take her to this event!
I think you are worth it!
Worth having a good life, starting now, not even waiting
for things to clear up.
Put each hand on your opposite shoulder, now pat, pat, pat, squeeze.
Say: " I am worth it"
That is the only way I know to give you a hug from here.
In the future, you can say:
"I have had thoughts of suicide in the past, but would never act upon it."
That way, everytime you have a thought, you will not be making a suicide threat, but instead just describing how desperate you have felt, then putting those thoughts aside,
you can talk about the hurt and anger without putting your therapist on high alert-wasting a lot of therapy time designed to help you.
Of course, if you had thoughts of actually hurting yourself or others, then you must say so to your therapist or other health professional in real-time, not on this forum, which is in cyber-space.
There is something I heard once that is so true. It goes something like this.
-When we are in our twenties we worry about what people are thinking about us.
-When we are in our thirties and forties, we don't care what people think about us.
-In our fifties and beyond, we realize no one was thinking about us at all.
Also, when we think someone is giving us a dirty look, they are probably just constipated. :)
The information you have presented here is enough to be able to tell that you would be putting yourself in harms way. Your R.S.V.P. could look like this:
"Absolutely cannot attend, have made other plans."
NFD: means no further details.
No, you will not be going. If you see your therapist before going, ask him/her to lock you up on a 5150 hold to prevent you from making this mistake.
OR, You can proudly go in and report that you did not go, thereby taking the huge step towards getting well on your own! With a little help from your secret forum friends.
Ok Annabelle?
2) Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Do what is best for you.
3) What is happening in your efforts to get Mom out of your house? That is your most important mission right now.
4) When is the next time you see your counselor? Make notes about these stress episodes to discuss then.
Hang in there.