I truly believe caring for a loved one is a gift, not everyone can do it. But, for those of us that had to suddenly take on the responsibility, we find ourselves in a new role and often times juggling a job, family, and all the ups and downs that goes right along with it.
I have to constantly remind myself of the following; if my mom can take care of seven kids by herself, then why can't the remaining six take care of one. It boggles my mom how some will step up to the plate and others will fear it will take away from the enjoyment of life.
I can't for the life of me figure out why it is so difficult for some members of the family to give back to the one that God placed on this earth to help rear them; not only that, most grandparent's are rearing their grandchildren and some members find it "upsetting" if you even mention the word "care". What has this world come to when we stop caring for our senior citizens (parents and grandparents).
When my mom was told by one sibling, "I have to live my own life", and left my mom alone without adequate heating and did not give any thought to what food was left in the cupboards, it put my mom in a state of depression. She still dawns on it right today and often cries about it.
I worked part-time and on my days off, I visited my mom three sometimes four days a week to make sure she had heat and food. I thank God for giving me strength to look after her - even before she requested me to be her caregiver.
I am not above anything or anyone and I treat each day as if it were my last; meaning, I enjoy everyday (good or bad). Not only that, I always remind myself that someone, somewhere has it a lot worse...and I thank God I am here on this earth to help take care of my mom. I was not fortunate enough to know my day...he died when I was very young. My mom was both my dad and mom.
She was married twice...my other siblings have a living, breathing dad....I don't. At times I feel bitter about not having a dad in my life, but I have my Heavenly Father Who has always been there for me and still is.....He will neither leave me nor forsake me....I truly believe that with all my heart.
So yes, our parents may give us a hard time, but just remember the hard times we gave them while we were growing up. Were we obedient? Did we always do what they requested? Did we honor our parents when we were young? Were we mouthy and rebellious? Were your parents patient with you and loved you regardless of your faults?
I know it's a hassle sometimes and you feel as if you can't make it another day. Just remember....they stuck it out with us, now it's our turn to stick it out with them.
Love, Live, and Leave the rest to God....(cast your cares).
I could do with a few less sweeping generalizations myself. We have more people caring for parents and grandparents today than ever in the history of our nation. Most of the people on this site are personally caring for a loved one or looking for the best solution for their loved one when they cannot personally do the active caregiving.
Also, please realize that many parents were NOT patient and did not show love.
That your mother was nurturing and that you now have the honor of caring for her, celebrate. Just don't judge others whose situation you know nothing about, please.
A common story heard on the site is the one of a single mother with children who has (or needs) a full-time job and is trying to care for parents. To me this person is stretched to the max. I think of how wonderful it would be if we could all live in a community together, where some could work and others could do the care. Help with parents cost more than many can afford. Wouldn't it be cool if we little folks could pool our human resource pool and come up with our own solutions? The only problem would be trying to get our parents out of their comfort zones.
Pardon me -- I really got off the subject. Anyway... it would be great if all families were like the Waltons. Unfortunately, it isn't the case most of the time, so we just do the best we can. I know we will be glad we were there.
It is not really fair, you know, to judge everything from the perspective of your particular situation.
Even the parents who were patient and loving never had to deal with losing us bit by bit, memory by memory. They could expect our behavior to get better, not worse (in the long run) and the active effort required of them got less as we aged. They guided us and looked forward to our growth and improvement. That is not remotely what caring for a loved one with dementia (or most chronic or terminal conditions) is like.
I think you meant this post to be encouraging to those of us who are caring for our parents. Thank you for that. But the judgmental tone spoils it for me.
" I am not above anything or anyone "
i took it she was giving encouragement to those suffering the carer burden currently .
personally im a living joke . only my flexible work schedule and low personal debt to income ratio permitted me to stick by my mom and now aunt so closely .
i have a sis and her family who do nothing but party with their church friends . they never gave a thought to moms QOL in the last few years so there are those out there who are just thoughtless and self centered too . in between are an entire generation of people caught between a hard economy , child rearing , and aging parents .
The parent(s) gets to live a full life, but their grown child doesn't. What is wrong with this picture?
Whenever I read an obituary where someone passes in their 50's or 60's, which in my book is still pretty young, I look to see if one or both of the parents are still alive. Depending on the cause of death, I wonder if Caregiving was a strong marker.
I do complain on here a lot, of the hours with Grandpa not because I dont care but because I have kids and need a job, plus a dying father at home ( separate homes cannot all live together) and like JessieBelle said, I am one of those parents! I will raise my hand. As mentioned, family's were bigger and closer back in the day, situations have changed now sadly. My family is dysfunctional in many ways, mainly drug/alcohol issues, mental issues and pure prejudice and greed.
I will feel guilty of all my complaining when my loved ones pass , as I feel guilty now. Heck, I know they complain about me! I love them beyond any thing, every last one of them, but, some people, like yourself can handle it better then I and you are very lucky and I would like some of your strength for myself. I think your strong and sweet. But, we all can only handle so much before we break ourselves. And what we can all handle or the amount we can handle is different. Sometimes I like the saying " God only gives you what you can handle" and other times, not so much. Even if one is not religious the saying can still apply by "whatever power or reason one believes we are here we are given what we can handle"
Hugs and hope everything continues well for you.