What is it with elderly ladies and their walkers??
My mother, (89) has been using a walker for 3 years now, after hip replacement surgery. It WAS sad that she didn't rehab better than she did, she was barely needing a cane and now she is FT walker and looking down the road to the wheelchair (which she has already bought!).
I was AT HER HOME when the PT guys worked with her on walking properly with the walker. Holding it in close to her body, standing straight as possible and using the walker as a support, just gently resting her hands on it--must have practiced a thousand times how to walk with it....
Fast forward 2 weeks after PT is over and she is slumping over the walker, essentially "chasing" it, rather than using it for "support" it is now her 3rd leg. SLAMMING into doors to open them--my poor brother has to touch up the paint monthly anywhere she goes.
AND she has so much garbage piled on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Purses, bags, little "organizers" another bag for shopping...what have you. I went to take her to the store a few months ago and after she let go of the walker it fell over, it was SO LOADED with junk. I was not expecting that--so I was a little miffed--I had to pick up basically 4 containers worth of junk in a snowy parking lot.
Her purse must weigh 10 lbs. Add all the other bags she can't live without and she's pushing 20-25 lbs of junk around.
EVERY bag has: tissues, wet and dry, MANY pads of paper, anywhere from 5-15 pens and pencils, the usual checkbook, wallet, combs and brushes and chapstick, little containers with pills and crumbs of pills and gum and chewed gum wrapped in MORE tissues and more tissues and oh my gosh....
The ONE thing I try to get her to take on board is hand sanitizer, but, nope, no room for that.
I MADE her clean the bags out last time I saw her, she had lost something and I knew it was probably in one of the bag bottoms. It was.
So gross to me: damp nose tissues in every corner of each bag. She never cleans these out, just finds another "cute" tote to carry.
She looks like a well fed bag lady.
I have NEVER seen an elderly man use a walker in this manner. I am a woman too and I carry some kind of bag/tote with me, but it gets cleaned out everyday.
She does have a "seated" walker, which I personally find preferable to having all your garbage hanging off the handles--there's a seat with storage space. Oh, and I didn't mention that she hangs her catheter bag off the walker too? I mean---oh gosh. I am so glad I am not the go-to for shopping with her. Sometimes she'll strap the bag to her leg like she's supposed, but too often it's just hanging out there....
I don't suppose there really is an answer to this. I am really just venting. I wish I could design and create a much more streamlined way for her to carry her junk around in ONE bag---but she'd just fill it up and want another. Upon reflection, her bags look a LOT like her kitchen table--hoarded to the point she can only have space for one dish to eat on.
The slumping is something I have given up on.
Really--just a vent. I am having a family get together in a couple weeks b/c my daughter and her family are coming to town. Her kids don't see great granny more than once a year, if that and the last time they did, my 6 yo granddaughter thought she was witch and began crying when mother "burst" into the room. We stayed for 5 minutes.
I don't want a repeat of that.
At this point is there even any point in trying to get her to at least cover the cath bag? Toss about half of her garbage? Or do I just let the chips fall.
(I'm putting this in Burnout as I am burned out by this--but mostly b/c that topic gets the most views and support!)
You have my full support.
o m g . Can you take a picture and show her?
Or would that be cruel, even if that would not be your intention?
You can try getting a smaller walker. That helped with grandma. A shorter walker will naturally force them to stand closer since even stand in it, there hands are pretty far down. Many adult sized walkers are too big for shorter people.
https://www.amazon.com/cup-holder-walkers/s?k=cup+holder+for+walkers
She has seen a couple of pics of herself. Always shocks her. But not enough to continue her PT and making the effort to work at being upright. I do not want to make her feel bad, not at all. I actually really want to help her to live a much cleaner, better life. Failing on all counts.
Taking her out to eat is a sight. Poor thing, her chin is resting practically on the table. I can get her to cover the cath bag when we go out in public, pretty much. I am not her primary chauffeur anyway, so that's good. Weirdly, she seems proud of the fact she's got that permanent catheter. Not that you can't smell it from 30 feet away--maybe she wants people to have sympathy or something. I don't know.
Maybe I will work on some kind of one piece wraparound "holder" that could incorporate all the stuff she "needs" and in an organized fashion. AND it MUST be washable.
I'm pretty craft--wonder what I could create? Someday I'll be on Shark Tank trying to sell my amazing catheter carrier :) Gotta smile, b/c being upset is not helping.
Again--WHY DO I SEE ZERO MEN HAULING THEIR WHOLE LIVES AROUND WITH THEM IN A WALKER? Maybe their wives are doing it. I am baffled.
At least I don't hoard garbage in mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men have not been in the habit of spending years carrying a purse. Therefore the stash of useless paraphernalia is not programmed in them.
My mother too has the mentioned lots of Kleenex in various forms but never in a pack. My theory is that a Kleenex is often needed and there isn't the memory of all that exist in the purse or walker. And that piece of gum might want to be re chewed!!
I think of the Walker as an aged, over sized security blanket. Their mini home away from home. Sort of a large lovey with lots of pockets. My mother has it down after I've seen her. Anything that fits in the seated compartment goes in there. A large package of incontinent briefs go on top. Clean laundry, magazines etc. Are hung in a bag on the side. Why would this efficient mode of transporting items want to be given up. On those occasions the support it provides is secondary.
Regarding the posture I make sure it is set at the right height and have her test it out. My mother had been a dancer many years ago (though it's hard to imagine that now from her appearance) so she has a memory still to a degree of it.
Sadly my mother was doing well using a cane before a fall last summer. Now the Walker is always present. And of course there is no place with a cane for endless tissues!
prior to that, many a earring got tossed out in that wadded up piece of Kleenex in her purse and forgetting to check her pockets for tissue before washing was always a fun mess to clean up after the spin cycle
I like the concept that she might feel like she's carrying her "comfort zone" around with her. She's a bit of a hoarder, so that mentality is there in full force.
My biggest "ick" issue is the cath bag. She smells very strongly of old urine..despite the best that can be done with her laundry (she still does her own and has ruined my SIL's washer/dryer a couple of times simply due to the smell--) I know she's not using appropriate soap and rinses..and she also doesn't take the bathroom trash out but once a week--so the sopping wet pads and depends get pretty rank. The actual cath bag--she isn't capable of cleaning that properly, so she has almost constant UTI's. WHY she walks around with that thing either dragging on the floor behind her or hanging off her walker is beyond me.
I wish she'd use the rollator more, but she says that's for "laundry". It's a LOT more stable than the aluminum one, for sure.
She lives in an apt. in my brother's home. He chose to keep her there and along with that he feels that he is her guardian, so he doesn't even like people to visit her. I go when I KNOW he's at work. I am not really "allowed" to do anything for her, he gets so angry.
I'm really thinking of creating a wraparound type of bag that would have small pockets for specific things, like her phone (joke is, she cannot use it) ONE place for new tissues and ONE place for used. A plastic lined pocket for the inevitable doggy bag from the restaurant, a small purse she can just lift off....my mind's whirling.
Why does stuff like that BOTHER me so? Probably b/c I see myself in 30 years being exactly the same and my kids hassling me about the same things.
I think to some extent you you need to let the chips fall—as you said. Kids are often scared of older people, I found. I know when we’d go to visit my great aunt in assisted living, everyone kept trying to touch my little girl’s curly hair. Your mom’s bags and catheter bag is not a reflection of the care she’s getting or of you. That being said, I’ll bet there are some cute printed catheter bag covers on Etsy.
Take me a breath. Good luck. (:
All I have to say is, DITTO here with the walker and my mom! So funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Hang in there! My mom is the same age - this generation who were so young in the depression years seem programmed to hang on to every little thing. Those of us raised with relative abundance (or overabundance in some ways) seem more inclined to avoid accumulation. But it is HARD to watch it, especially when a catheter bag is involved OMG!
Jane
I am fully aware this is not a problem I can solve, nor even help with. I think for me, it's the decline in mother and her crazy desire for constant attention that gets to me. Walking along with her cath bag "on display" is gross to anyone. B/C, wow, does it get the sympathy vote. It's embarassing when in a restaurant and other diners ask to be seated elsewhere b/c, really? they shouldn't have to sit 5 feet from a half filled stinky catheter bag. She's never noticed that this happens, thank goodness.
She's chronically messy, just a little hoarder--always has been, she just needs to carry her whole world everywhere she goes.
7again-I did not mean to offend anyone. I KNOW how much mother hurts and how hard it is for her to get through a day, and I am not hard hearted about this. It's just so messy looking and NOT organized--that's my bugaboo. She'll carry several totes that are almost carbon copies of each other. If she would let me clean just a little--it wouldn't smell so awful and she wouldn't be complaining of how hard it is to get the walker moving. She's dragging 30 lbs of junk everywhere she goes.
My daughter can make the decision if she wants to take the kids to see mother. Mother hasn't seen her baby yet, but quite honestly, she doesn't even know the names of all the great grands....K could skip a visit and mom wouldn't even care.
Walkers are poorly designed. They are designed to make one bend over. I have seen one on TV recently, you know those ad that come on on the "odd" channel, or late at night. Anyway this was for an upright walker. The handles were more forward, the handles were up higher. Looks like it would be better posture and being able to focus on what is in front of you rather than what is almost under your feet.
Look for Up Right walker or Walker with Forearm support I am sure you will find what I am talking about. Makes more sense to me to be in a good standing position.
About the "stuff" in the basket or pockets...isn't that one of the reasons women carry purses? I do not carry one, if it will not fit in a wallet I don't need it! But I see some of the stuff friends pull out of theirs and it boggles my mind. Not to mention how heavy a purse is.
A hint for you about the touching up of doors, walls...I gave up on that figured it was a lost cause. What I did do is got Pool Noodles and I also picked up some Pipe Insulation. I used pool noodles on the back support bars on the wheelchair so my Husband would not feel the bar across his back. I used a pool noodle on the under edge of the table so he would not bump his legs into the skirt on the table. I used pipe insulation on the legs of the walker so if he bumped into anything it would be cushioned a bit, I could have used the pool noodle there as well but the pipe insulation was black so it did not stand out. I also used pool noodles on the edge of the over the bed table so he could easily grasp it but it would also prevent him from pulling things off the table easily, I could grab what he was pulling in case of spillage.
And yes, she uses it to hold multiple items in the seat bag, plus a tote bag hanging from the handle, and anything else let aced onto the seat! I have to empty the seat bag to fold the walker up which is a hassle plus every thing falls out of the hanging tote.
She had 3 pack of tissues in there yesterday and still fussed about having a Kleenex! Plus 3 pens, 2 pencils, and 4 pad so notepaper.
But at least it's safer than her trying to carry things and manouver a traditional walker.
have you tried extending the length of the walker legs to force her more erect?
That is a part of it, for sure. The cane just made her look kind of "dapper" but the walker says "I'M OLD". I can't see how wrapping the handles, etc with garish pool noodles would be helpful---it's such an eyesore now....but that might work for others.
I am not really a part of her care team. I try to do what I can, but my brother blows his top b/c he thinks we are all trying to undermine him. (There's not enough therapy nor time in the world to figure out his relationship with mother).
I just see her, how bent over she is, how she has to twist her head in the most ungainly and painful way to be able to see anything above about 5' high. She's shrinking, due to osteporosis and bad, ill advised back surgeries...I hate that she looks so bad. She has always been very conscious about perfect hair and makeup and now she is pretty much bald and her makeup is a haphazard mess. So sad.
You could use a few attached velcro tabs to secure the bottom... And, try out things to attach the hose cover to - maybe the leg strap? btw, the hose cover part can be baggy & very loose-fitting for quick on and offs.
Now, about the odor - use fabric softener sheets inside the bag. Strong pleasant aroma. Does Gain make them?
And Gain to launder the cover up. And her clothes and bed linens. She may not use enough detergent - measure the proper amount of detergent into zip lock baggies and hide the box.
Poorly washed laundry cannot ruin a washer (or dryer). The fashionable front loaders Will always grow huge colonies of foul smelling bacteria that need to have certain products to keep their growth under control. Even using a 'final rinse cycle' with a cup of bleach will do the same.
It's your brother's responsibility to clean her bathroom. She is unlikely to be aware of the rankness. If he's gives it no more attention than some do to their cat's litter pans, then count it as a sigh and bear it situation.
I'm so happy that you sneak in for visits. She is as much (or more) your own much loved mother. You are wonderful.
U812 .
She was angry b/c she NEEDS everything in her rolling 'home away from home' which is what I am thinking of designing. I told her over and over it WAS NOT FOR HER...but she thinks I try to 'run her life' (tried, can't, brother is in charge)--and I may come across as angry, but the "anger" is entirely sadness and a "giving up" on her. She want one or two people in her life and I'm not one.
I looked at the rollater as it is so much less institutional looking, but she says it's unbearably heavy and clumsy. I weighed it. 2.8 lbs. Less than her purse. SMH.
I'm not making these for her, I am just thinking through a possible idea to fill a need.
I got some good ideas and cleaned out her walker pouches. I hadn't realized how grimy they were. Didn't take them off to wash, she is very sensitive to the lack of cleanliness on her part in her house, etc. Brother will NOT allow outside help and while I deep cleaned 2 years ago--well, that was 2 years ago and I threw out a rubber frog that she had to retrieve from the trash, I'm not even allowed to take the newspapers to recycle. Whatever.
And mother says that they "taught her" to walk with the walker way our front-that this was most stable. Um, I doubt it, but didn't argue.
Mary Kathleen--I am sorry for your physical ailments, truly, I am. I am NOT making fun of mother. She's had MULTIPLE rounds of PT and as soon as they are gone, she becomes a slumper. And complains mightily about it--when the answer for her is simply 'you must do your PT daily' to maintain any posture. She simply chose not to.
I don't need respite care from her. I am not her CG. She barely can stand having me as a daughter. My 2 sisters are the golden girls and they NEVER call or visit. Sad, really.