Placed my 83 yr mom 6 weeks ago in a nice ARCH, so she's still "in transition" as they say. CG and I agreed that phone chats were only adding to mom's agitation/frustration, so it has been suspended for awhile. Since mom is ambulatory, & alert, CG takes mom out along on outings, including dinners, movies & trips to the mall (pedicures, haircuts)! I'm not charged for these additional expenses, and offers to reimburse are kindly refused. In addition, CG sends texts/videos of their outings which makes me so appreciative of her. All of mom's entire income goes to the CG for her care, and CG is aware of the small budget. She said if mom wants something, she'll cover the cost (and she has previously) if it's not too expensive, and prefer mom not have a debit card. (I had to cancel her card b/c my brother had been abusing the funds anyway.) Recently, mom got upset in a high-end department store cause her card was being denied, and wanted an expensive blouse & for the CG to leave her by herself. She told CG "My daughter would leave me to shop by myself" (Not True, of course). CG calls telling me about the situation, sounding exasperated. She told mom that she couldn't leave her alone. I suggested they go to mom's favorite inexpensive store at the other end of the mall. Mom didn't want to. I could hear mom in the background, still arguing, before CG had to hang up. I really like the CG, who goes above & beyond for mom to help her adjust. My husband say's I'm micro-managing, I don't want to, but how do I address this problem?
What should you do? Well, making the suggestion about a less expensive store sounds sensible to me. If you had any other ideas you could share them with the CG. Would talking on the phone to Mom have helped, do you think?
How experienced is the Caregiver with clients who have dementia? If she was highly experienced, she would know exactly what to do and not have the need to call you.
And what happened to Mom's credit card that it was denied?
Early on I sent mom and her caregiver out to lunch via uber - I gave caregiver cash to cover their meals and told her what to order for mom
mom got fussy and told wait staff a woman was following her
Caregiver called me and I spoke to mom enough for her to calm down so they could uber back home
Phone calls are discouraged?
I'm not understanding this situation at all. Is this person your mother's guardian?
I hope your mother's income and expenses are being properly accounted for. "Oh I'm happy to cover that" is all very well. But it's not the same thing as records.
In the beginning, CG would call me to talk to mom thinking it would help calm her-it didn't. No matter how much I tried to keep things positive, she kept wanting to leave, go live with my (homless) brother and would get angry and start shouting. So it seems my talking to her was "a trigger" to her anger, so after talking with Kaiser Social Worker & Geriatrician nurse, they agreed we should suspend conversations for awhile. CG is in contact with nurse to discuss medication adjustment.
Basically, Yes, I expected the CG to know how to deal with dementia person. Problem: I don't know WHY she calls me to complain? I gave suggestions I've used when mom was here, even calling the nurse right away to ask about medication adjustment or help with a situation to help the CG manage mom's agitation. I don't know what else to do..everytime my phone rings I get anxious "what now?".
Thank you for all your wonderful help.
And if she only gets upset when going out in public, then, I'd take that as a signal that she's not up to it. Perhaps activities need to come to her instead.