Mom with dementia asked me last night, "who's paying you to give me my pills?"She's been fairly agreeable lately, so I wasn't sure where the question came from....the beginnings of paranoia? I responded, "what? I can't be doing it out of the kindness of my heart?" And then hubby chimed in, "your daughter is evil" and then we all had a good laugh. However, sometimes I wonder, what in the world is going on in her mind... I haven't had butterflies or panic in two weeks, but woke up this morning with butterflies, so I guess her comment bothered me more then I realized. What triggers your anxiety when dealing with caring for your parent? Apparently, anything other then agreeableness sets me off, I think it's because of the "old" mother-daughter relationship and being a people pleaser.
When I got to that point I started taking action to get them in home help as a start and did it sneakily since they refused any help except from me which was impossible. I stair stepped it from there, taking over more of the bills and coordination, which did reduce my stress, because I knew unpaid bills weren't lying around forever.
I recall I told them once, I have reached my limitations to what I can reasonably do for you guys. Here's what I will do and not do and here's what's going to happen for the not do items. I went through a really bad panic/anxiety spell back in 2010-11 that I never want to experience again. I had no idea then that was preparation for what I'd be facing in future years, so I can see it did serve a purpose. Many jittery nights praying, tearing, reading scripture and calling out to the Lord saved me for sure. My mom passed away on Easter Monday this year, my dad is in memory care now, but do you know I still put the phone out of my line of sight when I go to bed even now, just can't help it. Know you're in good company, not that you want to be, but it does help to know others understand.
I haven't had a good night sleep in over 6 years, dealing with very stubborn parents who were in their 90's and refused to downsize into something elder safe. No way, no how. I feel like I have lost control of the situation. My Mom has since passed and Dad is now in Assisted Living.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop !!