Hi, I need to vent and talk a second. My father I deal with and posted paraplegic and my my mom is healthy but bipolar they are divorced. I'm a 40 year old grown up that still has issues dealing with things. I've posted on how my father is. Has to be his way. His landlord has given him a year to move out, but my dad wants a home with land so he can keep everything. My concerns are with his health and jmheko. I moved and did caregiving for 5 years learned thru burn out I can't do it when he won't give an inch. My mom is having her yearly bout of depression, works for schools so has a break coming up. My brothers are in prison or alcohol program. She gets so down this time of year. No matter what I've done over the years its the same. I'm getting so tired of it. She wants to throw all my brothers pictures away. I've said I will keep them, but no. She says I'm her only friend and she doesn't want to hurt me so wants to move away and end contact with me. My dad tells me he found someone to buy his "antique" furniture, then says well for a pickup. WTF. I can't deal. I'm very busy with work and my family. I love my parents, try so hard and yet it's like they are kids. It wears me down.
I think at this point your parents are just not going to change. . . Just brainstorming here but can you still love them and NOT try so hard? Is there anyway to detach from the day to day craziness?
You may have to let Mom and Dad hit bottom. If Dad is competent, then he can make his own decisions. If he won't leave, then he will be evicted which doesn't take overnight. It sounds to me like Dad has some problems. Has he been evaluated for Dementia? It sounds like he is in his own little world and needs a reality check.
So sorry you have to deal with this but by law ur parents can make their own decisions and you are going to have to let them. Your family is ur priority. They come first. Just going to have to let parents do what they do.
Do you have a relationship with a therapist now? If not, please consider finding one.
Mom’s year-end drama affects your holidays, too. It’s time to short-circuit that.
Mom would love for your every thought and every action to be all about her. Well tough sh*t. She’s a grown-azz woman and her mindset is wildly inappropriate. Dad is a handful, too.
Your primary commitment is to your husband and your immediate household. The goal is for you to be fully-present for him (them?) and with him (them?).
That is very different than you venting to him (them?) at home - and him (them?) trying like heck to be supportive without absorbing your pain.
I don’t know what it will take for you to pump the brakes with Mom & Dad, but a good therapist can help you get there. Re-defining how much of YOU your parents can have is the best gift you can give to yourself and your husband (and kids - if you have kids).
Your Mom and your Dad are incapable of being happy. Incapable of giving. Incapable of being supportive.
They’ll talk in circles and raise holy h*ll with or without you.
Nothing you do - or will do - or can do for your parents will be enough. Don’t chase it; embrace it.
A good therapist can help you find the freedom in this.
Re-setting your boundaries will require work and it will feel awkward. And it will be the best gift you can give to yourself. Do it!
(((big hugs)))