I went through h3ll taking care of my parents alone. My siblings gave me virtual pats on the back but never visited or helped.
I ended up having severe mental breakdowns..
My so called boyfriend is doing the same thing and I am being eaten up
inside with anger.
His sister lives very far away and cares for her extremely ill mother and elderly father. Her entire life has been dedicated to her parents care.
The care laws are different there in that they wont help pay for help because she lives with them and has full time job.
That's beside the point.
My situation is that I am sickened by his lack of response. He has no job or family here but will not go and help her- she is losing her mind like I did and I am so disgusted with him.
He saw what this exact situation did to me!
Granted that he might be overwhelmed or one of those kind of people who just can't jump in and help, but there are things he could do other than the hands-on caregiving.
However, you can't make him conform to your standards, right or wrong.
Stop allowing the anger to control you. Discuss it with him, and at least give him a chance to share his position. If he's adamant that he's not going to help, your choices are basically accept that this is his character and don't expect more than he already is, or find someone who does meet your standards.
You are finding some things out about this man. You can base future decisions on that knowledge.
I told her don't think so little of yourself, you know the deal here. When I got married 20 years ago he told my hub, hey you have your blanking buddies and then you have your wife (me)! Hub's jaw dropped and said OMG can't believe he has such disrespect for you. I said par for the course as far as women period. I won't even tell you the friends I've had that are what I call single married women. They're married but the spouse is absent for whatever the reasons. No support, little love and concern, just don't care. To me it's better to be single than to live in that situation.
May not be that bad on your end, but I've seen it up close enough to know it's just not worth the trouble and grief after all you've been through. You deserve better and I hope you believe that enough to let him go and start over.
When I was caring for my mother 24x7 and weak I allowed him to come stay with me to help "till spring", that was a year ago.
Now he says he doesnt want to leave me because he doesnt want to 'abandon' me- I have told him I do not feel that way.
It was easier to break up with my last bf who was abusive than this "kind nice, helpful guy" - Yes, this is making you stronger women nuts to read this... I havent even touched him this whole year. what the heck is wrong with me?!
what the heck is wrong with him?!
Anyways... I am going to read comments again to gain strength-
maybe i shouldnt expect him to go to the other side of the earth just because of how I feel...... but this living situation has got to go.
1. There's the no help issue.
2. He doesn't have a job.
3. By your own admission, he's been staying with you apparently from last year to this spring. "Now he says he doesnt want to leave me because he doesnt want to 'abandon' me...." "I allowed him to come stay with me to help "till spring", that was a year ago.
4. I have told him I do not feel that way.
5. "Abandon" ? He doesn't have a job; does he even have his own apartment or home? Is he getting unemployment? Helping you, or are you supporting him? What is he providing that would constitute abandonment if he left?
6. "It was easier to break up with my last bf who was abusive than this "kind nice, helpful guy" " - "Kind, nice, helpful guy..." I hope you're being facetious b/c frankly what I'm seeing a sponge, an irresponsible sponge.
It's obviously your choice to continue with what I'm beginning to see as a freeloader, and a different kind of abuser than the last BF.
I have been emailing her as a person who has dealt with this, giving her someone to talk to and cry with...