Who'd have thought?
For a quick refresher--Mother is 85, had hip surgery last April (?) did 8 weeks in a rehab facility then came "home" to her apt at my brother's house. She refused initially to use her walker and was falling a lot. Like, everyday. We're not terribly cohesive as a family, 3 of 5 living sibs are all within 15 miles of her, but she "uses" my brother and me. We got her a "fall pendant"--which was going off all the time. Every time she "fell" every one of us kids got a phone call, although by the time they'd call us,(middle of the night) my brother had dealt with her. It was terrible. Finally I asked him to take my name off the call list completely. He called the co and set it up so they call him and his family (his 5 kids all still live at home) and then it calls 911. As soon as he set the calls up that way, mother's falls stopped. Period. She has not fallen once since then. Ah HA! Just as I thought! Every time she'd "fall" and we all got called, I would go see her, my sisters and brother would call her and she was belle of the ball. Now we're wondering if in fact she EVER truly fell, except for the time she was trying to get by with a cane and fell horribly. Too big a coincidence for me to think it's anything other than mother being manipulative, as always. 'sigh' what we went through to figure that out.
She is 102 and still playing games. It is her MO (Modus operandi - way of doing things). I don't think she knows how to live any other way. I have had to learn to deal with it and her, and the manipulation and narcissism which drives her to get attention at any cost. Yes, what we go through! Look after yourself.
I guess!!!
However, despite that and some pretty severe paranoia, a few psychotic episodes and being suicidal they still consider her competent. Go figure!
You are fortunate to have one sib that is helpful. My sis (only sib) has accused me of having a vested interest in mother's demise.(her words). Oh, yeah. That is why I travel back and forth, have moved her 4 times in 5 years, and do what has to be done etc.at my own expense, while sis does nothing but cause trouble. Oh well, you do what you have to do, and let the rest fall where it may. I am POA, financial and health and executor. My mother knew better than to appoint my sis who has $ signs in her eyes. When mother dies, if I am still alive, I will hire a professional to look after her will etc. to keep my sis off my back. There is a story there too, but another time. Mother loves her independence, but has outlived it unfortunately. If she had gone at 95, life would have been a lot easier on all of us. Since she turned 100, she talks about assisted suicide - not available here. Even if it was you know she would go right to the last minute getting as many people involved as possible, then, with seconds to spare, change her mind, as the whole thing would simply be more attention getting. :P
This has gone on all her life, and it is not likely to stop. Don't abandon your poor brother, but do try for a little more distance from Mom.
I'm going to see my own therapist ASAP and work some of this out with her. She's been helpful in the past, guiding me through a lot of issues, and I think it's time for a tune-up. I will not leave my brother in the lurch. But I also will keep my eyes wide open for any more shenanigans. She thinks we're are lined up for her huge "inheritance" but my brother who has POA says we have enough to bury her and that's about it. She's pulled that "You're going to be out of my will" thing on all of us, and we don't fall for it. Personally, if there IS anything to inherit, it should all go to brother with whom she lives. I'M VERY aware she isn't going to change. She could go on for years and years. One thing I know: I will NOT do this to my kids. I will put myself in an assisted living facility and stay out of their lives unless they want me around. My grandmothers both lived alone until they died and were never like this. They were joyful and fun to be with to the end. Hopefully, I will take after them!