Just wondering...Why are so many people argumentative all of the time? It’s built into their characters, almost like it's a hobby for them.
Some people seem compelled to argue a point even if you are agreeing with them. These are people that I realized that it is easier to either ignore them completely or just nod and say yes.
You can say that the sky is blue and they will tell you that it’s green or purple, some ridiculous response.
I am grateful to people who are able to see more than one viewpoint without harsh judgment of others.
I see this all of the time all over, as great as this forum is and it’s very helpful to all of us. I am grateful for an outlet such as AgingCare forum but it happens here too.
Why can’t there be more harmony, respect and compassion in this world?
One theory that I have is insecurity in these people who do this. They feel as if they have to knock others down to build themselves up.
It’s a shame. I feel satisfaction if I can support someone and meet them where they are. Solutions don’t happen instantly. We should be patient with others and allow them to grow at their own pace instead of cramming views down their throats. This behavior only intimidates and drives already hurting people away from a group that has the potential to be of help to them.
Any thoughts on this?
I put this under relationships thinking (general relationships regarding interactions among people). I didn’t see a suitable category.
14 Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- How do I fend off moochers who have not helped me care for Grandma?
- My husband of 45 years was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year. His attitude has become very negative and angry towards me. Advice?
- Dad wants to “go home”. What do I say?
- Father resistant to suggestions that my sister and I make. It's as if he'd rather just complain. Any advice?
As my current scabs heal, I’ll repeat a joke I posted a while ago to the Jokes site about 'walking a mile in their shoes'. The best part of it is that if they have another go at you, you’re a mile away, and what’s more you’ve got their shoes.
The bickering or offensive comments get tiresome. I do wonder why it happens so much.
You know, sometimes we have to look at it as ‘free entertainment’ as our family did with my husband’s grandmother! She was the most argumentative person that I ever knew and it she always presented the dumbest arguments ever.
I suppose that it takes ‘all kinds’ to make the world go round, huh?
I always feel the people who are the most argumentative are people who feel powerless in their own lives.
I have found also that people who enjoy being mean are extremely unhappy and frustrated in their own lives.
Of course, it is easy, as well, to inadvertently, not knowing someone well, just tromp on a sensitive toe. I know certain things on forum just make me see RED. When that happens I am off like the fastest nag at the starting gate. It is like the flag before a bull when I see or hear of siblings at war over a helpless elder.
I become easily frustrated with those who claim themselves "guilty" when they are out there virtually killing themselves to do all they can, and am frustrated that they don't see what they feel is GRIEF pure and simple. I just want to shake them and say "YOU AREN'T a FELON!!!! How CAN you judge yourself so harshly when you are doing all you can to be good".
So I would say we get kind of easily reactive on social media. It is also difficult because we don't really KNOW people or their lives. We read a lot in that isn't there perhaps. We cannot see facial expression. We have just words.
We also each have our own "style". One of the things I find precious on Forum is that I recognize people. I come to know them and their style, and can appreciate their individuality.
Only a few annoy me. It annoys me when politics enters the fray because I believe we live in such divisive times, yet I believe we are a great and compassionate people who would each individually help one another. We can't change anyones' vote, and can only anger them and make them dislike us in trying, so I am always relieved that Forum stops that stuff in its tracks.
Then, NeedsHelp, there are just those days when we are "having a bad day" I guess.
I hear you! My husband has the same habit or repeating back so I asked him why he kept doing that. It is sort of annoying at times.
Anyway, his response to me was, “I’m just making sure, honey.”
Okay, but it’s slightly annoying and I asked him to stop repeating as much. He doesn’t have a hearing issue. Eh, he stopped for awhile and started it again. It’s a habit!
Is your husband an engineer like mine? They tend to see things in ‘black and white.’ I see all of the gray areas. Most times we balance each other.
I have a B I L who is like this. It's gotten to the point where noone talks to him anymore so now he hates us all and refuses to come over to get togethers now. Hey, that works for me...................:)
I like your ‘earlier speech class’ comment. I have to tell you something funny that happened in my high school speech class.
This guy, Steve did his ‘informative’ speech on ‘How to embalm a body.’ Oh my gosh, some of the class were grossing out! Students were hollering for him to shut up.
Anyway, the teacher had control of the class. I loved that teacher! She stood up, stepped away from her desk and walked in front of the class. We knew that we better pay attention to what she said if she did that.
The teacher told us to be quiet and that Steve showed respect to us by listening to our speeches and she expected us to return that respect to him.
Steve’s uncle owned a funeral home. He had been working with him and he planned on going to work as an undertaker after graduating.
Our teacher loved his speech and said it was a unique topic and that he explained it very well.
I will never forget that speech and learned things that I really did not want to know as a teenager! LOL
Haha. That is fascinating! I went to Catholic school too. I had some of the same nuns that taught my mom and aunt.
I asked mom, how old the nuns were since she they taught her in school too. She said, oh they were quite young when they taught her.
My mom stayed in touch with the nuns who taught her. She would go visit them occasionally. After she had my brother she went to see the sisters.
My brother was about two years old. The little nun with her french accent hugged my mom, then said to my brother, “Come kiss grandma!”
There was a painter up on a ladder painting the convent walls. My mom said that he nearly fell off of his ladder trying to figure out how this celibate nun was a grandmother!
I loved when she told me that story. It’s so cute. There are some things that we never forget.
If there were no bad people, there'd be no good people.
If there were no short people, there'd be no tall people.
If there were no fighting, then we wouldn't appreciate or know what peace is.
If there were no arguments, then we wouldn't appreciate harmony.
So, there must be opposites. How else can we know the existence of anything?
That's my philosophical mumbo jumbo for the day. 😜
Meditating....Ohm.......
She was the polar opposite of her mom. She chose to break the cycle instead of copying her behavior.
There was absolutely no pleasing her mom. She was going to argue every point, no matter what.
I like your perspective. It’s a matter of accepting what can’t be changed and changing what we can. We all have to learn coping skills or we will let everything drive us nuts and live with high blood pressure.
Okay, may I tell you a secret fantasy that I have had for decades?
I have always wanted to do a stand up comedy routine about my family! I have tons of material. Seriously, I do. My husband’s family too! Oh my gosh, free entertainment! Plus a couple of select friends that are out of the box crazy! 😂
It requires more than material though, I have plenty of that. I need the delivery, the timing.
I adore humor! Plus when I think about all of the comics that started off with stand up, got a sitcom, starred in movies, etc...
Geeez, I think to myself that I wish I had had the guts to follow through with my fantasy! LOL.
I mean, as I said I have material and I have shared it with a couple of close friends and they have died laughing but I never had the guts to tell it publicly.
There were funny stories with the nuns. In elementary school I always brought my lunch. I wanted peanut butter and jelly every day. My mom was out of bread one day and told me that I had to buy the school lunch. I didn’t want to eat it.
Sister told me to eat it or no recess. I was young (first grade) and foolish enough to call her bluff. I thought to myself, she’s so nice, she wouldn’t make me miss recess. I learned never to bluff a nun again! Hahaha 😂. I missed recess with my friends that day for not eating.
Another time in high school a nun’s hair went flying across the room! Do you remember when the nuns wore the long dresses and full habits when we were younger? Then in my high school they shortened the hemlines and only half habits. Some outside of school wore street clothes! Times were changing.
We had very interesting nuns at my school. Sr. Helen Prejean was at my elementary school. She taught my older brother. She is the nun from the movie, Dead Man Walking who is extremely opposed to the death penalty.
Back to the flying hair! LOL Sister got really mad at a student about talking in class. She was shaking her fist at her, yelling at her to be quiet in class. She was shaking violently while pointing her finger at this girl and her hair went flying across the room!
The entire class became hysterical! There was a loud roar of laughter. Sister grabbed her hair and ran to the bathroom to reattach it.
We didn’t know if she was going through chemo or had alopecia or what but it was so crazy that it struck us as funny!
We had no idea she had a hairpiece on and to see it flying across the room shocked us!
Oh gosh, the memories of Catholic school, huh? It was a good education though. There were wonderful nuns and some mean ones too.
Wow! Interesting...
Yeah, we all have to keep our sense of humor in tact! It certainly helps.
Indeed nuns are caregivers and I am sure their patience and faith is tested many times over!
Anyone can lose their temper from time to time. We are human. With some it’s a bad day, stress, personality trait, or flaws in their character. Patterns show what the facts are. We have to look at the overall view of individuals to get an accurate description of what is going on.
I am glad that you haven’t lost your sense of humor. Humor can serve us well!
We don’t all have to agree with each other but we can be kind and respectful to one another.