She suffers from crippling anxiety and depression. I've literally been taking care of all of the bills since I was 18 years old and I'm barely managing. Her problem is legitimate and she can't seem to get any professional help.I'm really drained and stressed. We don't get along at all and I am all she has. It's been driving me to depression I think. I don't know what to do anymore.
I suffered from depression & anxiety as your mom did and put my daughter through hell because I was terrified. Eventually I had to learn to be accountable and responsible for my own mental health and not at the expense of anyone else. My daughter and I have a very healthy and happy relationship now. I say this to let you know there is hope and to hang on to this while seeking support
This is going to sound harsh. But one reason your mother can't access help for her difficulties is that she has you. Look at it from the authorities' and the providers' point of view: "this lady lives with her able-bodied, responsible, adult son who takes care of everything. She is therefore not at risk, so we don't have to do anything for her."
What's going on in the rest of your life? Do you have a job? Are you still in education? Do you not have any other family at all?
While you may see your mother's problems as elder care most of us on this forum are caring for the very old and aren't well versed in mental health issues or their solutions.
I do feel that you deserve to have a life of your own without the burden of caring for your mother and I'm sure that if she were well she would want that for you also. She is clinging to you as her only lifeline, you need to find her new lifelines, you might start with her case worker or social services in your area.
You may also find some more helpful suggestions and support if you search for "forums for family of those with mental illness". ((hugs))
Sorry to hear what is happening with your mom and how you are feeling. I know you love your mom a lot and want to help her. I know there is a lot on you right now. I would try to access some community resources. Maybe speak with a social worker. There has to be some program or doctor that can treat your mom. I know you don't want to upset your mom further, but you have to try and get more help. Consider counselling or joining a support group even.
Is your father in this picture at all?