I have done a lot of counseling to take care of myself. I want her to be as content and safe as possible. She’s in a great care giving facility. I don’t want her to become so combative that they ask me to move her. If she can’t get me to engage, I’m worried she’ll start belittling the staff.
I suspect the staff has dealt with many before of similar temperament.
She is probably saving her anger and resentment for you if she is like most in her condition.
The best course of action for you is to remember that you are doing the best you can, treat the staff as your partners in this journey and try to have empathy for your mom even though it’s doubtful she has any for you. You are her hero but she is 91, wheelchair bound, has COPD, Dementia, Angry and most likely scared. Probably a little unrealistic to expect her to be a ray of sunshine.
Whatever happens you will deal with it. You have and you will. Let the ALF help and do get her tested for a UTI just in case.
Go to the Director of Nursing or even the Administration and share your concerns. If Mom is combative, she can strike out at a staff member or another resident and then you have big problems. My mom did both and clawed me once as well. I’m sure the staff is familiar with elders who are verbally less than happy with their situation but if Mom becomes truly physically combative that’s a different problem. Soon after her last physical outburst against her roommate , my mom was placed in Memory Care. Your fears need to be addressed. Mom needs to be re-evaluated.