I need advice and support. Please no sarcasm or harsh judgements as I’ve lost everything I cared about. I’ll soon be homeless. I can’t sleep or eat, I cry every day. I have no one to talk to as my mother bought off everyone I know except my brother. My mother has been extremely angry, vicious, and violent her entire life. When she was in college, she locked her dormitory mom in her bedroom, splashed gasoline under the door, lit a match and fire leaving the poor woman screaming. She was only expelled cause her parents were millionaires. She married abusive alcoholics who beat us kids and shot and poisoned our dogs in front of us. She had abusive boyfriends. She lies about everything all of the time. She doesn’t like to socialize because she says it’s exhausting to “put on a front.” She’s been sickly her entire life (or pretended to be sick for attention(?), 99% of the time she was fine. She demanded I take her to ER and surgeries for decades because I’m the “only girl.” It hurt my relationships and I had to take a lot of time off of work. Worst part is we co-own a house, so neither one of us will leave. She is 80, has kids and grandkids she can visit and stay with, but she refuses. I have nobody and nowhere to go. I wanted to have a life and family here in this house, I love this house, I found it, decorated it, spent all of my time in it, put all my money into it. My mother attacked every friend, boyfriend, fiance I’ve ever had, calling them names, cussing them out, scaring them off, for no reason other than to isolate me. She’s a spendaholic and goes on binges of spa treatments, massages, Botox, expensive clothing, etc, then realizes she spent too much and directs her anger at me. She’s never helped me with anything. She insults and mocks me daily. She and her alcoholic sister text all day long making fun of me and plan ways to make my life hell (yes, I’ve seen the texts and I even forwarded them to family and friends). When I try to talk to her about daily goings on in the house (chores, appointments, repairs, etc) she rolls her eyes. Many times she has come at me with her flashlight/billy club and hit me hard and left bruises. She also pushes me to the ground (she’s very strong). I’ve never touched her. She has a violent history. I’ve tried talking to the police and showed pictures of my bruises. Lately she and her alcoholic sister have been brainstorming ways to get me out of my house (both our names are on the deed, that’s a very long and sad story). I’ve endured daily name calling, harassment, threats, abuse of all kinds, my property being destroyed, my mail and packages opened by her, she listens to my phone calls and yells at me, she makes an ugly scene when I have company, she tells the neighbors god-knows-what. One showed up at midnight angry at me until he realized his mistake after talking to me. She said she wants me out, she wants to live alone, and she GAVE ME A DEADLINE OF END OF APRIL to leave, “OR ELSE!” She threatens to call the police over anything and everything—music too loud, friends visiting, cuss words, if I don’t answer her calls, if she’s not feeling well, if I’m upset over something, if house isn’t spotless she calls me a “hoarder” (gaslighting). It’s RUINING me. A month ago I had to run some errands and I reminded her NOT TO FEED MY DOGS. She fed them anyway and my sweet little boy choked on his food, he has a small throat and teeth missing, but I’m always there to watch him and help him, but this time she fed him huge chunks, he choked, passed away, and was still warm when I got home. She was staring at him doing nothing. I did CPR on him, rushed him to ER vet, but he passed. I cried so hard I was screaming in AGONY!!! She called the police again! She said she’s “building a case” to evict me and remove my name from the deed AND her will. WHY? She knew he was my baby, my sunshine, the love of my life, best thing that ever happened to me, his love kept me going, he was all I had. Now I’m lost.
You need to decide if you want a life or the house. If you want a life, a lawyer can help you force the sale of the house and the division of the proceeds between you and your mother.
Yes, you probably won’t keep the house. But telling yourself “we co-own a house, so neither one of us will leave”, is chaining yourself to your mother and a toxic situation as well as to the house. You and mother may both end up leaving, or either one of you may be able to raise the finances to buy the other out. But you need a lawyer to make it happen.
You may also want to consult a Certified Elder Care Attorney to see about what other rights you have here and if you can film her; what route to take with all of that.
I just want to wish you good luck and Godspeed in getting out of this house ASAP.
Do you have a job? Do you make enough to find another place? Because damn if I would allow this psycho to ruin my life anymore. You need to get as far away as possible. Your Mom needed help when she was a teen and did not get it. She is mentally ill.
Get to a lawyer. They maybe able to force the sale of the house or make Mom pay you your half. Do not stay there waiting for her to die so you have a life. If she needs care, her sister can provide it. Mom can pay for it.
You will never have a life of your own until you get away from ur relatives.
You need to video tape her outbursts and abuse. You need to call the police every time she hits you. Put deadbolt locks on your personal room(s), install cameras with audio to ensure that you can prove if she breaks in. They are actually really cheap now and provide great audio visual recordings that can be stored on the internet.
I would go to the law and file an injunction of haressment against her, with the video proof and police reports. Odds are she will have to leave the house, a forced sale will be ordered and the proceeds will be split.
I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of saying a word to her. Let her stew in her own hate and don't engage, no matter what.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I think you have been shown who and what she is, believe her. I wouldn't eat or drink anything she has access to. She is obviously evil and you could be in danger.
Get to the courts on Monday to get that injunction of harassment filed. Don't let her take your home without a fight.
LIFE! Every aspect (my relationships, my jobs, my friendships, my reputation, my finances, my health is affected, my sleep, my self-worth, and my little baby who didn’t deserve this!)
I’m a lawyer in Australia, not the USA, so I don’t know the details of how the legal profession is set up. My best guess is that any firm with several partners would have someone who could take this on. An individual lawyer with a general practice in a smaller town probably could, unless they say that they specialise in something different. A well respected local lawyer would probably refer you on if they have not come across this issue before. My suggestion would be to go to see a respectable real estate sales agent, tell them your story, and ask them to suggest a lawyer who deals with real estate. They will be happy to talk to you if they think they may get the job of selling when the lawyer has sorted things out.
You clearly don’t understand all the details of your rights. It is really important that you get legal advice to check the title deeds and explain what you need to do, preferably before you leave the house and CERTAINLY before you sign anything.
And unfortunately going to the source of the problem legally is difficult because the law seems to protect the abuser more than the victim so the only solution is for the woman to leave to save her own life. It's just how this corrupt thing called justice works.
I feel you are in grave danger. Even more so now that you posted more information on what she has done to you and your dogs.
There has got to be a way to get her out of your house and into a psychiatric facility of some sort.
The hidden cameras may be your only way to get proof and build a case. If you are not willing to leave.
I get you put all your eggs into this basket of this house and being free when she dies but damn she is only 93 I say that because she could live to 100 and maybe even past that.
If she has to go into the hospital for anything that may be the only way you can keep her from coming back home and having her put into a facility. Here is hoping that is sooner rather than later.
And yes you are in an abusive relationship. No different than a woman living with an abusive spouse or boyfriend.
None of what you do is for her. It is to find you again.
Stop accepting that you are being victimized and start seeing yourself as a survivor. Every single time you feel victimized by her change that to how can I survive this and believe it?
Look at realistic ways to create separation from her, her words and her space. Implement them.
If this means buying a small fridge and an induction cooker to not share with her, do it. She can have the drunken sister cook for her.
Make sure that there is good insurance on the house and contents. If she is intentionally doing things to destroy the house you want to make sure and have rebuild costs and good personal property coverage. Have a go plan and escape route in the event she succeeds in doing something.
I won't ever sleep around my mom, ever, because she has proven that I can't trust her. So, I wonder how you can stay.
I know you are angry that people are telling you to leave. That's good. Because anger is far better then apathy and that's where you were. Get pissed, it will change your perspective and it will change your actions. I have NEVER seen a pissed person be victimized. Stop being her scratching post.
Right now you don't know your legitimate options. Go have a consult with an attorney and get that sorted out. You will feel so empowered knowing exactly where you stand, no matter where that is.
You can do this! It will be hard and it will be scary, as you know from volunteering in a woman's shelter but, it is the rest of your life you are talking about. So! Do it!
I’ve been angry at her for decades. I can’t stand her and she knows it. She throws it in my face daily. But I can’t express myself (or my grief, agony, pain over my baby) around her because she has the police on speed dial every time I so much as sneeze. I’m being harassed by her and them for doing absolutely nothing wrong, and yes I’m sick of it, it’s affecting my sleep and health, I have to bite my tongue and STUFF MY FEELINGS. I’m terrified of saying anything against her cause I can’t handle any more harassment and drama from stormtroopers. This woman has terrorized and abused me since I was a child. I’m angry at myself for not leaving sooner, because I’d still have my sweet boy with me, and that tears me up every time I think about it. I loved him more than anything, and I failed to protect him. And I blame myself. I’m going through immense grief and crying all of the time so I’m trying to stay away from people until I can function.
Just to clarify — she is 79, not 93 (that was someone else’s mom who posted here). And her alcoholic sister lives far away, as do my brothers, nobody ever helped the hundreds of times she was either in the ER or getting surgeries or rushing to urgent care, and no one ever visits, and she doesn’t visit her kids, grandkids, or sister. Yes, she was dumped on me by my (non) family. They make excuses all the time why they can’t see her.
Only thing I asked her is to to LEAVE ME ALONE so I can grieve, and think. But she won’t. I can’t even look at her or hear the sound of her voice without becoming nauseous. She’s constantly yelling across the house, knocking on my door, asking me questions, whining and complaining, manipulating, leaving her notorious “poison pen post-it notes. She’s extremely negative, abusive, and toxic. I need a very long break from all the NOISE and CHAOS. If I had somewhere to go, I’d be there already! Sorry, I’m venting. I really have no one to talk to. Even the counselors didn’t want to touch this…