I've been accused of stealing from my dad, but I'm not. What can I do?

What kind of an agency institutes their own guardian and overrides a POA?! I work in private duty healthcare, for an agency, and I have never heard of this before. Did you sign a contract with this agency? Did the contract stipulate that if you missed a payment they would take this kind if action?

I understand why you pay your dad's bills the way you do, I'm sure it's much simpler that way. Can you show this agency your dad's bills, show then how much they are a month, and then show them your statements and how you pay his bills with your money and then reimburse yourself from your dad's account? It should be fairly easy to provide this information as figures don't lie.

Get a copy of your dad's monthly bank statement and a copy of your own and then just follow the money transactions.

What do you have to do to get this agency's hooks out of you? Do it and then find another agency. This is not standard practice for a nursing agency.

I do this too as my mother's pension of $1,000 is nowhere near the $2,500 a month it costs for her NH care. I use her bank card for gas, groceries etc, put the remaining cash in my account and pay all her bills from there. I have POA and juggle investments so there's always money available for her. It's the simplest way to do it.

Welcome to the police-y state. I am seeing attorneys and judges do this a lot this year. They have a deficit and we are an asset. You won't understand my comment so research guaranty insurance and the state. Good luck.

Before we received guardianship, I was accused of stealing from my mother. The stock certificates were sitting on the kitchen countertop. It was all in her mind.
When I made my first accounting to the judge, I was accused of stealing from my mother because I did what you do - I wrote checks from my account and used mother's account to cover what I had written. It was totally legit and I had a full accounting with receipts. I learned to write checks from mother's account only and I made that check for each individual receipt. In the beginning, there were quite a few check as repairs were being made on her house, but it sure was simpler than explaining - line by line - to the attorneys and the judge.
I staple every receipt and invoice on a paper in a book and write the check number on the bottom of the page. this way my pages coincide with the bank statements.
I was never given instructions as to how to do my accounting and had to learn the hard way. Hang in there.

No good deed goes unpunished! 4 years ago I was working part time and staying at my parents house 3 days a week helping my mom care for my dying father. I did this 3 months. It was hard work mentally and physically. The day before my father's funeral I was accused of stealing thousands of dollars from their house. I was devastated and didn't see my family for three months. I was finally exonerated when my sister who was my best friend was caught on camera 7 times going into my mom's safe deposit box. I still have nightmares about this.
I had promised my dying father I would take care of my mother. I moved her next to me 3 years ago and am P.O.A. I never touch her accounts, but do all of her shopping. I log everything, date everything and log every check she writes for me. I don't ever want to go through being falsely accused again. It's one of the most horrible feelings in the world. We help out of love and set our own lives aside for a time and have to live with being blamed for something we would never do! Good luck to you. Remember you are doing a good thing and you will have a special place in heaven waiting for you, see you there :)

Great advice, everyone.

I'm beginning to wonder if there's anyone on the site that HASN'T been accused of theft at some point...

These people at that agency, more than likely want to get guardianship of your loved one, and this is how a predatory guardianship begins; with false accusations, a willing corrupt "elder care attorney" and a corrupt judge, all three working together to take over the assets of you loved ones, specially if the assets are large. And once they have an interest, they will file for "emergency" guardianship and the judge will agree with them and from there they will declare the wealthy elder person "incapacitated" and throw you out of your loved one's life, legally with false testimony witnesses, and they will become "guardian" (thieves abusers) of your loved one's financial accounts. PLEASE GO TO THE NASGA WEBSITE URGENTLY FOR INFO. GOOD LUCK.

It's wrong for people to accuse caregivers before getting the facts. So many honest hard working people are made to look like they are doing something wrong. Guilty until proven innocent, that's not the way it should be.

I paid bills from my father's account, but I had to write a check to myself for groceries, clothing and gas. I would pick things up for him along with my own purchases and many times I didn't pay myself back. I always kept the receipts with the items highlighted. I kept all of the bills and receipts in a bankers box, just in case there were any questions. My sister in law accused me of taking money for myself. There are always going to be people who will judge you, so it's best to keep the money and records for your parent separate from your own.

I hope things get straightened out soon!

There are other steps in this story -- how a temporary guardianship was obtained for example (judge?). These are legal actions that have to be addressed legally. Get your paperwork into exquisite order, try only once with that to make the place back off, then work with the legalities of the situation (preferably with a lawyer, unless you are good at research and are willing to teach yourself about the legal system) .

Time to speak to an elder-law attorney. What a shame.

I have never heard of a company placing a guardian over someone without a court order with you in attendance. Fire this company immediately, and have documents for all disbursements from your account paying his bills. Your POA is still in effect since your father did not rescind it, so use it to fire this company. They are over stepping their rights. Pay them what you owe them and get someone else to care for your father. If you have to, hire an attorney to take them to court and ask for damages. This is bizarre.

I'm shocked and much appreciate everyone's experience here. I also pay out of my own bank account, then get reimbursed from my father. It is time to get a separate account and separate credit card to handle my parents affairs. You all here by sharing are helping so many people. THANK YOU.

Sorry about this..having worked in the medical field there are agencies that are vultures..they "hoover" until one mistake than zoom in for the "kill'.AARP has had numerous articles on this situation in their magazine. A Rod Burley could help you just go on the aarp website and type his name in the search box..there is a 1-800 number to call plus a form to fill out so he can help you. Of course you aren't stealing but as I said some agencies are vultures. You have to get a lawyer and one who deals in elder law, get your paperwork together and get help. This is the only way to deal with this as doing it yourself is useless they will "eat you alive". Good luck and keep us posted.

There is a lot of information missing from your question. First what kind of agency is helping your dad? Has the agency help for your dad been ordered by a case worker? Is your dad an Adult Protective Services case? Who accused you of stealing and why exactly did they do it?

Yobuzz - Something is just being left out in this. Guardianship or Conservatorship (what it is called depends on your state) is a legal process that requires a hearing before a judge to obtain & then afterwards has required hearings &/or filings with the court as to how the person's funds are being used/spent. This is all public record too. You don't just send someone a letter saying "OK I'm now their guardian". So just what is the backstory on all this?

If the person is in imminent danger to themselves or others, then they can become an "ward of the state" with someone given temporary G/C. Usually this is done together with a police action or APS report that shows immediate risk or need. There will be follow-up hearings on all this in court to do a permanent G/C or not if one is not needed. Could it be that the health care service has been named as temporary G/C till the court hearings determine who is to be named?

You mention not being there so you live in another city or another state??, so if certified or registered letters were sent on whatever for your dad would you even be aware? Like if Dad hasn't been paying his bills, or taxes or other items that could put him to have judgements to tax liens would you know about these things? Or Dad unable to take his medications? Most of the time a G/C will need to be a legal resident of the county in which the elder lives. I've been executrix twice and spend more hours in probate court that I could ever imagine and probate is where G/C hearing are held….just so often family who could be a good G/C were not ever even considered because they lived out of state or in another city. The judge is pretty well God and he fully expects someone to be able to be there, present whatever at his terms and right now. I bet there has been something that you weren't there for and so the health provider was named or more likely a vetted by the state G/C who now has turned all daily care and expenses over to the agency that Dad already has a relationship with.

You need an attorney and be prepared to pay out of your clearly shown to be your money for this. I'd say 10-20K to do G/C at this point. It has to be someone with experience in probate & G/C. There will likely be a short small list of attorneys who are good at this. Probate is open-court so all records are public, you can likely go on-line to the county courthouse and scroll through the filings to find the last couple of years of probate filings. Look for the G/C ones and who the attorney's were - it will be indicated on the description of the document (which you pay a fee for to get the whole document and this is usually a very cheap immediate download). the same attorney names will come up - these are the guys you want to hire. they know the system and more importantly know the judges.

You will have a whole set of problems with how you have been using Dad's funds.
You have been "commingling funds" which is very much frowned upon at best or looks like financial shenanigan's at worst. You will be at a disadvantage in court because of this as the DPOA is expected to do a "due diligence fiduciary duty". Missing the payment showed you failed in your duty. To establish that you have not been stealing you will need to do essentially a checkbook register with receipts or other documentation for every check that you have paid yourselves from Dad's money. Both your attorney & the court will need to see this and have it filed to support your ability to be in dad's life in the future and be named G/C or rather have your attorney named as the G/C but you work with them on dad's behalf. I'd get on this asap as I would imagine your ability to get to dad's banking will be shut off pretty soon if not already done.

Oh also if you & your spouse have any issues you need to let your attorney know from the get-go. The judge can do a full background including credit reports on the persons requesting to be G/C. So if there is something there you are kinda toast on being appointed. Like your kid has a juvee record or you have had a foreclosure or other debt issues, you will not be named. The judge will name a vetted by the court & on the judges' list attorney or professional trained G/C to oversee for Dad.

When my mom was doing her updated legal well over a decade ago, her estate attorney (before elder law even became the speciality it is now) had mom do a "Guardianship in Case of Incapacity" statement in which she named me to be this. The attorney said it needed to be done for a couple of reasons….it gave me a trump card to use for the day (and he said it would happen) that mom in a fit of pique would say the "I'm removing you as DPOA" stuff and then also that I am to be her G/C even though I did not live in her city or even in her state. It clearly establishes intent. So for others reading this look into having this document done if allowed in your state and added to their DPOA, MPOA, will & other legal.

I am POA for my mother, she is in an assisted living place near by. I pay her monthly rent for her and all of her various bills such as prescription co-pays etc. with her own checking account. The bank and her have authorized me on her account. also I record on an excel worksheet each month what is spent. Yes it would be hard to take being accused but it does happen. The paperwork or excel file seems to be the best thing to record every transaction.

My mother, in a NH, was always obsessing about HER money. I put $300 into the NH admin office for safe keeping so she could buy whatever she wants, which she can't because she's pretty much bed ridden and there's nowhere to go, but she knows it's there and it seems to have shut her up for the time being.

Also I was reminded of what happened to a relative who took care of her mom for the last 5 years of her life, there were just her and her one brother in her mothers will. She found out how loving her brother was when they went through probate because he said she had taken all kinds of items from the safe, which was not true, her mom had given many things to the kids over the years and made the mistake to not record it so another lesson learned is if the person who is ill and wants to give things away, have her sign some sort of paper as to what they have, this made the settlement of a small estate take over 18 months.

My sistert took over $30,000.00 from my dad over 3 years but told everyone I was lying about it.Unfortunetly I didn't find out till after he died and I was his executrix. She will answer to a higher power and will have to live with what she did though I doubt if she even has a conscious.

I have no answers. This is so wrong. Is there any way legally that you may get back the power of attorney??

I am so sorry for this happening to you. Can you get an elder lawyer?? "alwayslearning" gave you some good information-I need not repeat it.
Blessings Are.....

This is a tough one. Because Elder Financial Abuse is on the rise, or at least the awareness of it is on the rise, caregivers are often suspected of stealing whether or not they actually are. I have a sister who has stolen thousands of dollars from our mother. She does a lot for our mother, even though our mom lives in a very nice retirement home. Somewhere along the line, my sister started spending our mom's money on herself for all sorts of things. The biggest mistake we siblings made after our father died (there are three of us girls who were on the POA), was not having a specific plan for managing Mom's money. There were no receipts kept, no monthly accountings, only trust.… Big mistake. I trusted my sister, along with the other sister, to take good care of our mother's finances. Definitely a big mistake on my part. I believe that many caregiver children convince themselves they are not taking advantage of their elderly parents, while at the same time are spending some of the money on themselves. They feel entitled. Both of my sisters and my mother, because she doesn't really understand, have cut me off. I have no contact with them anymore. Am I going to pursue this in the courts? You bet I am. My mother could live many more years, and her money will be gone before she is if this continues.

If people don't want their elderly parent's money to be stolen by their sibling and if caretakers don't want to be falsely accused, make sure everything is done legally and all the bases are covered in the first place. It's sad, but trusting family is not enough.

As far as a temporary guardianship goes, a judge can order it while an investigation into the Financial Elder Abuse of a person is going on.

Im sorry you all have been accused I have too...but what Im not understanding a few things....in this day & age cheques dont have to be used....i have set up all my dads bills to automatically come out of his account when they are due. When I do his grocery shopping i use his bank debit card and dont ever mix his groceries with mine. My sister & I both have POA and she can see all im doing & paying by logging into his bank account online. Whos getting paid and what comes in. She knows Im not stealing a dime.

You will need to set up a separate checking account in your fathers name and your name as a signer. You must never co-mingle your money with his. All his bills, etc should be paid solely through his account, never through your own. Often your required to have solid documentation to justify reimbursement for any services.

Yup thats the only way...paying his/her bills from ur own accounts and then taking money their banks to pay for things for u makes it so much harder on you and harder to follow the paper trail. People please make it easier for you and anyone who questions ur intentions....use their money for their bills & your money for your bills. Keep them seperate at all costs.

I am a signer on moms bank accounts. I also set up electronic access so I can move Monet from her trust account to checking to pay bills. There is also a credit card in her name a diabetic have a card on her account. I have all routine bills such as utility a d insurance auto charged to checking. I use her credit card when I purchase meds, groceries, order clothes for her, and other items. Even her 24/7 home care is charged. I write fewer checks and there is a better tracking system.

Nevertheless I am going to start a notebook to place all of the financial records in case there are future questions such as mom running g out of funds and needing to apply to the state for help.

My Mom accuses my sister and I of stealing things like pictures(I do family tree and copied pictures but never took them-and this was in front of her with my scanner) and needle/thread(my sister sews) and after awhile I had to back off completely and not see my Mom for awhile especially since she was going to call the police on my sister for supposely taking some needles and thread!
I truly don't know if there is an answer to this and like others say, it tends to happen to everyone but it doesn't make it any easier to hear that you are a theft. Hugs

Way to go Lass!!

Again, "No good deed goes unpunished." We, too, have been accused of stealing from my MIL. Now that she is deceased and we will have to do an accurate accounting of all expenditures, I know that accusation will fly around again since my husband and I were never the best record keepers. We documented what we spent out of her account, but not what we spent out of ours on her behalf. My advice: Document every penny you spend of your own on your father's behalf. However, never expect any personal sacrifice that you made to make any difference to those whose only concern is about your father's money, not his well being

I would run this story before an elder care attorney and ask for his/her best advice. Pay for the lawyer out of your funds. I think an elder law attorney can tell you how to get rid of the caregiving company and hire another one. You need a durable POA to make sure you are calling the shots for your parent and protecting their assests the best you can.

Good luck.

It is best to keep receipts, records of every cent. It sounds like you are going to have an up hill battle. For one, unless something changed I do not know about, your power of attorney cannot be blocked without a court order. An attorney would know best.