My MIL is accusing another resident of stealing. How can we help her to process this so that it is not an on-going issue in the community?
We don't know what the truth is and never will. That doesn't really matter. The "facts" as reported by my mother-in-law, who is 91, is in a small assisted living facility, and has some dementia and a lot of short-term memory problems, are as follows: She was in the sunroom, and decided she needed to leave to go get something. She says she left about $30 cash on the table where she and other (one? two?) women had been sitting. One of the women is the "new girl," younger but not with as many advantages as Mom. When Mom came back the money was gone. She is sure that the new resident took it. We have tried everything to get her to let it go. The money is inconsequential. Lesson learned, don't flash your cash, even in a small community. But she equally could have dropped it somewhere. (Or, the woman, or someone else, could have made a bad decision and taken it. In any case, if that person either needed the money or could not resist temptation, it's over.) The issue really is, it is affecting the community because we can't get her to remember not to say anything, to the other woman or to anyone else. She has lots of memory issues and normally she would just forget it, but THIS she remembers (or thinks she does) - "So-and-so stole my money." How can we help her to process this so that it is not an on-going issue in the community?
23 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Is it a good thing to have pets in a care facility?
- Any suggestions on laundry tags?
- Help with stubborn father-in-law. We would be happy to do the work to help mom move to assisted living and give him a break, but he won't let us.
- If in an Assisted Living, but need PT in a Rehab, will Medicare pay for rehab if you are not in the hospital for the required time before rehab?
Selective memory is so strange - it seems just handling cash, or seeing the woman, will recall the "incident." It's a small-ish ALF, only about 40 residents. She has started saying that she "does not like" so-and-so. She has said this to us, in our homes - but we all know the filters are off, so if she thinks it, she probably also says it out loud. We don't want her to become the schoolyard bully! Let's hope the "fiblet" works.
Try a good size lock box [ not easy to pick up & move] with key & she can wear the key around her neck so tell her no money out of it otherwise she is 'giving' the money away - make sure you have several duplicate keys so when she hides it or looses it you can 'find' it for her
My dad was happy with a small metal cabinet he had for years [since 1951] that locked & had a small safe in it - it made a good tv stand too - I made copies of the key but he always put that key in same place & never lost it - he felt he had control of part of his life as he chose what went in it - he hid a few tums type things & a flask of rum so he could have a nip when he wanted to [1 or 2 times a month] so he felt somewhat in control
oh, and redirection? wow, she's curiously sharp there, never works. in addition to personality of blaming others [written earlier], she has always been stubborn. her memory works bewilderingly well in that regard; selfish, stubborn til you get what you want.
i am so grateful that my dad passed, doesn't have to put up with her anymore.
See All Answers