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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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ZoomToo: I know how much of a challenge you are facing. I would be happy to shorten anyone's learning curve when it comes to Alzheimer's. It would be so much easier if there was a CHAT FUNCTION on this website, so those of us that have the experience could share it REAL TIME. Your post is three days old, and I am just now seeing it.
BUT.... hopefully the suggestions I make below will get you started.
Now about keeping her busy. What did she like to do in her 'past? Find something SAFE that she can keep busy with, even counting and wrapping Coins helped here. Mom was VERY frugal, and would save pennies for a rainy day. Also... laundry...folding towels, helping with dinner, recipe searches in books, watching the cooking channel for ideas for dinner. Writing letters to ANYONE .... reading old magazine, and searching for recipes in them. Shopping lists, cleaning out a closet, folding old clothes for charity.
I have hundreds of ideas, and there are books devoted to this very subject too.
The first thing to do is to talk to her doctor. If she doesn't have one, get a geriatric one that is familiar with Alzheimer's. Have her tested for a UTI (urinary tract infection). One of the most common reasons for 'odd behavior' is a UTI. If she has a UTI have a culture done. There are ways to keep UTI's at bay without the use of antibiotics, D-Mannose for one, Proper hygiene will help and proper 'emptying of the bladder too,
Althought MEDS are used all the time for beligerent behavior, or 'the 'wanting to go home' it is better to try to help her naturally first.
After all, if we were removed from our homes, sent to live with someone else (perhaps someone that we don't really recognize anymore) we would be confused, lost and "want to go home too"! Alzheimer's makes it really a lot worse.
I don't know the circumstances that prompted your Mom to come and live with you, but I remember all too well that when my mother, with whom I always had a close relationship came to live with me, the relationship was MUCH different. I was the big bad wolf, and she was the lost little lamb. It was VERY difficult for me to accept until I learned more about Alzheimer's and stop taking ANYTHING personally.
There are several books that I can recommend that really helped me, and of course the resources on this site and the www.alz.org website have volumes of articles that are helpful.
Book: Learning to Speak Alzheimer's: A Groundbreaking Approach for Everyone Dealing with the Disease by Joanne Koenig Coste and Robert Butler
Book: The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss in Later Life, 4th Edition by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins (
BOOK: A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier by Patricia R. Callone
BOOK: The complete Guide to Alzheimer's proofing your Home. Mark L. Warner
With regards to her wanting to go home.. AGREE with her... tell her a therapeutic lie that may appease her for a while. Let her know that we can 'go back home' after they fix the street, or remove the tree from the road, or when the weather clears, or TOMORROW... or that when we get the 'letter from her ......" or "when..... well you get the message.
I FIND IT HELPFULT TO SEND MOM TO ADULT DAYCARE. IF YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR AREA. MOST OF THE TIME THE LOCAL BUS WILL PICK HER UP. IT WILL GIVE YOU TIME FOR YOURSELF. AND MOM WILL ENJOY ALSO.
Would she be willing and capable of preparing simple materials for kindergarten teachers? It would probably involve coloring, cutting out, or sorting. Schools often have packets of tasks like this and volunteers are given praise and recognition.
Many years ago I had to come up with all kinds of activities to keep my sanity intact and my kindergarten students from acting up. Their attention span was about 5 minutes, so I had activities such as story time, collages, coloring, Legos, and some 50-piece puzzles that helped them "build community" by developing their social skills.
Since your Mom "wants to go home," how about 500- or 1,000-piece puzzles with cottages/houses on them? She just might become a willing prisoner and stay in her room for hours at a time.
... And yes my dear, you are restricting her movements to keep her safe. But she doesn't see it that way. If she can't escape, she'll throw tantrums and make your life a living hell. You might attribute her behavior to dementia, but I don't think it's that deep. ... For now.
Get an ID bracelet with her name, your phone number, and "memory impaired" engraved on it. You can also purchase these through MedicAlert.
Give your mom a card with your phone number on it, so she can call you if she is lost. Alert the local police and give them a photo of her, or contact any local store she would likely go to if she found a way out of your home. Install alarms that will set off if she's leaving the house, or use childproof devices to prevent her from opening an outside door. While you are with her, constantly reassure her where she is and that everything is fine. Find ways to get her to exercise or take her for walks. There are even exercises she can do while sitting in a chair. Give your mom simple tasks to do during the day. If she loves folding clothes, bring out the towels every day to give her something to do. Reduce water intake several hours before bedtime, so she won't need to get up to urinate in the middle of the night risking a fall or inducing wandering. Get her involved in adult day care to keep her active during the day and more likely to sleep at night and reduce the need to wander. Don't lock Mom in a room or tie her in bed thinking that you're trying to keep her from hurting herself--she will, anyway. Besides, restraining her in this fashion is psychologically abusive. Observe what she does before she begins to wander, and see if you can identify a pattern. Look for the cause and make the changes accordingly. Good luck with this process-and hope these suggestions are of help. Hap
I will add these notes to ALL the amazing ideas we come up with. To get my mother interested in something fun to do, I just started to do the activity myself. If it was something that I knew that Mom used to be proficient at, I would ask for her HELP! "Mom, I'm stumped, can you help me here?" She would be MORE willing to get involved if she thought she was being helpful. And when she was being honery (yes, my dear sweet mother) I would just leave the 'project' on the table. This always seemed to spark interest on her part, if for no other reason than to put it away.
OH... another thought. Please don't correct them, or critic the end results, unless it is positive reinforcement. Early into Mom's diagnosis I would try to 'help' her do it right, when in fact the only interest should be in having them DO the project. I was always careful to only have SAFE tools for Mom to use, and even crocheting had to be watched carefully, so the hook wouldn't be used as an 'ear cleaner'! (Yikes)
And don't offer too many things at once, I used baskets and bins to keep 'tasks' in, and I would cycle through projects to see what was her interest of the day. Even a simple puzzle can do double duty, if you flip it over and NUMBER the pieces. Mom was a math genius, and she was able to put the 'numbers' together easier than pictures sometimes.
I also used these same ideas for projects at the nursing home when Mom was there. I would bring my bins with me, just start something, and some cookies and a pot of tea later, the other butterflies (ladies) would gravitate over to our table to see what we were doing. I never felt more useful! And Mom got used to the other ladies there, and they to her!
Also... a comfy apron for Mom (or Dad) to wear will keep them from hiding things from a craft project. Mom would squirrel away parts of puzzles, and wood beads, etc in her room, but once we used the apron, she would put all the 'pieces' in her apron, which we monogramed with HER name, and left near the craft area.
Never try to force them to do anything. ASK for their help, tell them you need help getting this done, or offer some 'monetary incentive' to get this done. "The school will pay us $X.XX to get these wood pieces painted." Or the "Church is having a bake sale, and needs........ "
Use positive reinforcement, and if they lose interest, or are not interested at all... don't let it get to you. I can remember telling my mother when I was young, that "I don't have a THING to do..... there's NOTHING to do around here.... I'm bored" So I was understanding of her lack of interest. UNTIL I found something she really wanted to do, then she would stay busy for hours, sorting through buttons, or looking at pattern books, or sorting 'sewing notions'.
Seeing my mother involved in anything made my day much easier, and I hope these suggestions will help someone else too!
Yes give her something that wont remind her of the past, stay away from anything that she might be whining about today, and concentrate on keeping her mind as stable and busy as possible, u know what mom is capable of! think about her old hobbies, what did she enjoy helping with!!! I was thinking maybe old magazines too, exept maybe u do the cutting out, lots of cute pics!!!! then some elmers glue, to stick them on a blank piece of copy paper, she can make all kinds of stuff, even if its that stick glue in the tube!!! anything that wont be too difficult, fun and interesting for her! maybe she likes nature? old national geographics!!! animals, water falls, etc.......................everyone likes or enjoys stuff like this, even me!!! use that lil activity to keep her mind on one track, while certainly giving her options to pick and choose what is! dont let the grump take over her and your tudes, if u have to, make her start her day over! say goodmorning mom, we are starting our day over now!!! lets find something special and fun to do!! even a few little white lies are ok, to keep her happy, sane, safe and comfortable!!!! Please let me know how this stuff goes!!! She will feel productive after a while and wont have to sit around miserable watching her tv, and feeling like shes not needed!!! little sewing jobs will , I have to take my own advice as well! which i am finally able to do this....so now I can practice what I preech, as they say................still have lots to learn thou!!!, and this is truly amazing! the support here is awesome and always gets me to see stuff in a different lite!
yes I know, but I kinda wanted to know what type of stuff she enjoy doing like embroidery, painting, music, writing, reading etc..................hobbies or something she likes to do, maybe knitting or patchwork, even reading to her???? anything she enjoys doing!
My mom enjoyed reading, I know a lot of Alzheimer's patients don't. But she enjoyed reading a large print version of the Bible, anything religious, Guidepost, Reader's Digest, anything. Also, in the beginning, she was able to work on Find-a-Word puzzles, or Grade 1-4 math workbooks found in Teacher's Stores or Meijer's, etc (until she started trying to multiply the addition problems). She also enjoyed dressing Colorform dolls, like the old paper dolls, but now available in Colorforms or magnet. When she became worse, she had "toys", such as wooden bead toys, even a puzzle of her name (she couldn't handle a large puzzle), a necklace she could bend or the Energizer Bunny with bendable arms and legs. I had her write down her Christmas list and to write about me (it's now in my scrapbook). I saw one patient use coloring books. Of course, she had her doll and Teddy bears. My brother hated it when she would tell her doll to pay attention to what he was saying. But her doll helped her to communicate. She would not tell anyone if she was in pain, so, I would ask her to show me where her baby was "unhappy". When she had sinus, she would point to the doll's nose, or when they had to install a feeding tube, she pointed to the doll's stomach. It was hard to watch her play with toys and her doll, but that's the nature of the disease. Two months before she died, although she barely spoke, I had a cold and need to leave early, she told me to take her doll and put her in my bed with me. I'll never forget that sweet statement.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would be happy to shorten anyone's learning curve when it comes to Alzheimer's. It would be so much easier if there was a CHAT FUNCTION on this website, so those of us that have the experience could share it REAL TIME. Your post is three days old, and I am just now seeing it.
BUT.... hopefully the suggestions I make below will get you started.
Now about keeping her busy. What did she like to do in her 'past? Find something SAFE that she can keep busy with, even counting and wrapping Coins helped here. Mom was VERY frugal, and would save pennies for a rainy day. Also... laundry...folding towels, helping with dinner, recipe searches in books, watching the cooking channel for ideas for dinner. Writing letters to ANYONE .... reading old magazine, and searching for recipes in them. Shopping lists, cleaning out a closet, folding old clothes for charity.
I have hundreds of ideas, and there are books devoted to this very subject too.
The first thing to do is to talk to her doctor. If she doesn't have one, get a geriatric one that is familiar with Alzheimer's. Have her tested for a UTI (urinary tract infection). One of the most common reasons for 'odd behavior' is a UTI. If she has a UTI have a culture done. There are ways to keep UTI's at bay without the use of antibiotics, D-Mannose for one, Proper hygiene will help and proper 'emptying of the bladder too,
Althought MEDS are used all the time for beligerent behavior, or 'the 'wanting to go home' it is better to try to help her naturally first.
After all, if we were removed from our homes, sent to live with someone else (perhaps someone that we don't really recognize anymore) we would be confused, lost and "want to go home too"! Alzheimer's makes it really a lot worse.
I don't know the circumstances that prompted your Mom to come and live with you, but I remember all too well that when my mother, with whom I always had a close relationship came to live with me, the relationship was MUCH different. I was the big bad wolf, and she was the lost little lamb. It was VERY difficult for me to accept until I learned more about Alzheimer's and stop taking ANYTHING personally.
There are several books that I can recommend that really helped me, and of course the resources on this site and the www.alz.org website have volumes of articles that are helpful.
Book: Learning to Speak Alzheimer's: A Groundbreaking Approach for Everyone Dealing with the Disease by Joanne Koenig Coste and Robert Butler
Book: The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss in Later Life, 4th Edition by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins (
BOOK: A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier by Patricia R. Callone
BOOK: The complete Guide to Alzheimer's proofing your Home. Mark L. Warner
With regards to her wanting to go home.. AGREE with her... tell her a therapeutic lie that may appease her for a while. Let her know that we can 'go back home' after they fix the street, or remove the tree from the road, or when the weather clears, or TOMORROW... or that when we get the 'letter from her ......" or "when..... well you get the message.
Many years ago I had to come up with all kinds of activities to keep my sanity intact and my kindergarten students from acting up. Their attention span was about 5 minutes, so I had activities such as story time, collages, coloring, Legos, and some 50-piece puzzles that helped them "build community" by developing their social skills.
Since your Mom "wants to go home," how about 500- or 1,000-piece puzzles with cottages/houses on them? She just might become a willing prisoner and stay in her room for hours at a time.
... And yes my dear, you are restricting her movements to keep her safe. But she doesn't see it that way. If she can't escape, she'll throw tantrums and make your life a living hell. You might attribute her behavior to dementia, but I don't think it's that deep. ... For now.
Hasta luego, y buena suerte.
-- ED
-- ED
Give your mom a card with your phone number on it, so she can call you if she is lost.
Alert the local police and give them a photo of her, or contact any local store she would likely go to if she found a way out of your home.
Install alarms that will set off if she's leaving the house, or use childproof devices to prevent her from opening an outside door.
While you are with her, constantly reassure her where she is and that everything is fine.
Find ways to get her to exercise or take her for walks. There are even exercises she can do while sitting in a chair.
Give your mom simple tasks to do during the day. If she loves folding clothes, bring out the towels every day to give her something to do.
Reduce water intake several hours before bedtime, so she won't need to get up to urinate in the middle of the night risking a fall or inducing wandering.
Get her involved in adult day care to keep her active during the day and more likely to sleep at night and reduce the need to wander.
Don't lock Mom in a room or tie her in bed thinking that you're trying to keep her from hurting herself--she will, anyway. Besides, restraining her in this fashion is psychologically abusive.
Observe what she does before she begins to wander, and see if you can identify a pattern. Look for the cause and make the changes accordingly.
Good luck with this process-and hope these suggestions are of help.
Hap
OH... another thought. Please don't correct them, or critic the end results, unless it is positive reinforcement. Early into Mom's diagnosis I would try to 'help' her do it right, when in fact the only interest should be in having them DO the project. I was always careful to only have SAFE tools for Mom to use, and even crocheting had to be watched carefully, so the hook wouldn't be used as an 'ear cleaner'! (Yikes)
And don't offer too many things at once, I used baskets and bins to keep 'tasks' in, and I would cycle through projects to see what was her interest of the day. Even a simple puzzle can do double duty, if you flip it over and NUMBER the pieces. Mom was a math genius, and she was able to put the 'numbers' together easier than pictures sometimes.
I also used these same ideas for projects at the nursing home when Mom was there. I would bring my bins with me, just start something, and some cookies and a pot of tea later, the other butterflies (ladies) would gravitate over to our table to see what we were doing. I never felt more useful! And Mom got used to the other ladies there, and they to her!
Also... a comfy apron for Mom (or Dad) to wear will keep them from hiding things from a craft project. Mom would squirrel away parts of puzzles, and wood beads, etc in her room, but once we used the apron, she would put all the 'pieces' in her apron, which we monogramed with HER name, and left near the craft area.
Never try to force them to do anything. ASK for their help, tell them you need help getting this done, or offer some 'monetary incentive' to get this done. "The school will pay us $X.XX to get these wood pieces painted." Or the "Church is having a bake sale, and needs........ "
Use positive reinforcement, and if they lose interest, or are not interested at all... don't let it get to you. I can remember telling my mother when I was young, that "I don't have a THING to do..... there's NOTHING to do around here.... I'm bored" So I was understanding of her lack of interest. UNTIL I found something she really wanted to do, then she would stay busy for hours, sorting through buttons, or looking at pattern books, or sorting 'sewing notions'.
Seeing my mother involved in anything made my day much easier, and I hope these suggestions will help someone else too!
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