Who rarely visited or kept in touch for 8 yrs known. Mature professional caregiver, close friend of family over 20 yrs, cared for this 96 yr old for 8 yrs in her home, until her demise. The grandkids resent she refers to this lady as an aunt, even knowing this was preferred by this client. This caregiver was appreciated by the client's niece and daughter. It is a sudden dislike by 2 granddaughters for her to address her by aunt. Who is right, who is wrong?
Oh, I am so confused.
Different families have different traditions and attitudes towards titles. The first time I met my grandson's girlfriend she called me "Gramma." (They were not engaged and the relationship was fairly new at that time.) His sisters thought that was presumptuous. I took it in stride.
I guess my confusion about the situation extends to the question itself. Why does this matter? And if the grandkids weren't around their grandmother much, surely they are not around this family-friend/adopted family member much. How do they even know how she refers to her late friend?
What I don't understand is that if the woman in question is now dead, why are you still in contact with the family? It doesn't sound as if there are good relations here.
And like Jeanne, I'm not entirely clear on the relationship or as written, why these people are still in your life and upset is occurring. I'd say "sayonara" and move on. There's nothing you can change, and whether something is right or wrong is a matter of opinion.
In the long run, in a world of war, bombings, a nutcase running for president - there are far more important things to occupy your attention.
Take comfort in the fact that your friend provided much needed care, but that chapter of hers and your life is closed and you CAN move on.