Hi all, I am 18 and soon I will be moving in with my grandma to care for her in the evenings and at night. I’ll be attending college and I know I have to sleep, but my grandma is a wanderer and has dementia. She won’t go out of her condo or anything but she’ll walk up and down the halls, make herself coffee in the kitchen, forget about it, go back to sleep and repeat the whole cycle multiple times a night. My family has suggested we put child locks on the doors but she has also fallen before and I don’t want to risk an incident like that. Sometimes I sleep a little on the heavy side and I worry she will fall or burn herself or turn the gas stove on while I’m asleep. Basically, can I curb this habit somehow? What are ways that I can deal with this?
It's very risky for them to be handling hot food or beverage without supervision or operating stove or microwave. She would need direct supervision at all times. I'd explore hiring someone, since it can be a job that would have you up all night. I might explore an alarm that awakes you when she gets up. That might mean you are up all night. There are laws about locks as well, so, I'd be careful with those.
For a college student to be the caregiver for a person with dementia.......that's really not very feasible, imo. Do you parents have any idea what it involves? I'd suggest they consult with some experts and do some reading about the care that is required. This type of thing requires around the clock, 3 shifts of caregivers.
Now, you could experiment with placing a black throw rug in front of the area where Grandmother tends to make coffee. To a person who has dementia, that black rug looks like a hole in the floor. This may or may not work.
If you find the black throw rug works, then purchase others to place in front of the front doort. That may help when your Grandmother get to a point where she wants to go outside and wander.
I hope this caregiving doesn't disrupt your college to a point where you will need to quit. Grandmother will eventually need to have someone with her 24 hour a day, so you may not get much sleep.
Oh, as for falling, it's a given, that is what elders do. You could have a room filled with caregivers, nurses and doctors and that elder will fall within a split second. I just hope your family realizes that and doesn't blame you for not watching more carefully your Grandmother.
and
freqflyer: “I hope this caregiving doesn't disrupt your college to a point where you will need to quit.”
joeym123, the above statements by posters are important. Have you ever spent the night with your grandmother to see exactly what you are agreeing to?
Did you volunteer to do this, or is this your family's idea? I am appalled when young people as yourself are used and abused by their family members, who expect young people like yourself to be the elder's caregiver. Where are your parents in all this? THEY should be the ones arranging for care for your grandmother.
Rather than get enmeshed in this situation and then find it difficult to extricate yourself, far better to never start the caregiving in the first place.
You are going to college, you need time to form new friendships, enjoy your classes and new found freedom of living away from home. You do not need the responsibility of caring for grandma.
Also you will not manage your classes and homework if you are not getting the sleep you need.
I went back to university a couple years ago and have one year to go. I am in my 50's and there is no way I could have done this while looking after a senior or not getting a good night's sleep.
Lastly, we had a student commit suicide this February on campus. It was later revealed that this incredible young man was a full time caregiver to his disabled mother. He saw no way out other than jumping off the library roof. It devastated the entire student body. Do not underestimate the toll care giving takes.
Now to Grandma, she should not be left alone and if you are sleeping she is left alone. It is a safety issue not only in her condo, but for the entire building if she is using gas appliances unsupervised. Yes, you can remove the knobs from the stove, unplug and cover the plugs for other appliances, but that is not a long term solution.
Who looks after her during the day?
Sounds like your family needs a 'scapegoat" no pun and you're it.
If Grandma owns the condo it can be sold to pay for her care in a facility. If Grandma has any money, she can pay for home care.
Once you are living there, you may find the family is quite happy to let the situation continue. Where is the money going to come from in a year that is not there now, to pay for home care?
Grandma's lack of trust does not mean you give up your freedom to care for her. She does not have to like strangers caring for her, the family has to find another alternative than you providing over night care.
Does your family realize that in time she may refuse to bathe, become incontinent, perhaps because physically or verbally aggressive?
The only other way would be medication to induce sleep. NEVER a good idea, since if she wakes she will still feel the effects making her more liable for accidents and or falls. It could also make her dementia worse.
Tell your family that you have reconsidered whether it would be fair to you and your grandma to move in and act as her carer at this moment in time. You need time to be a young lady enjoying college, learning, handing in completed assignments on time and fun (with friends both old and the new ones you’ll make at college.) Not spending every evening and night checking on your grandmas safety. What if it’s a bad night with multiple trips for a coffee followed by college the next day and an assignment that’s due in? Let alone, the more likely, bad nights in a row.....
She needs professional assistance preferably, or at least someone who isn’t potentially putting their career options and own physical and mental health at risk. (I’m not joking re your mental health - see other advice you’ve been given). It’s going to get much harder to get a decent job / opportunities. Make the most of your college course.
i admire your devotion to your grandma, however you would both be better off by you giving her some quality time when you can.
Shall be thinking of you and hoping you make a decision that, ultimately, enables you to follow your chosen career path successfully, whilst giving your grandma loving support on occasion.
Regards,
I could go on and on about the possibilities for disaster in this situation. Please decline this invitation and go rent yourself a small space somewhere.....ANY rent you pay is cheap by comparison of the ultimate price you WILL pay for this job.