My dad keeps arguing with the staff at the nursing home about my mother's care. It's always something physical therapy or getting her on the toilet. The physical therapist told him if you didn't like it maybe he should look into going somewhere else. I know the director of nursing is fed up with him for constantly insisting she be on the toilet. She can't stand she can't communicate she's a handful to try to get on the toilet or into bed or to do anything. Can the nursing home tell us to take her somewhere else?
Look, Dad is afraid of losing your mom, and grieving. Is he recieving help from a social worker or counselor? Is HE experiencing cognitive decline?
I'm just trying to look at this from his viewpoint.
Even overlooking the childish petulance of that response to your father's concerns, whether or not the PT was being reasonable depends on what your father objected to.
My late aunt was very much of the 'oh don't complain you'll only make things worse' type. It used to drive me nuts. If there is a problem, say so. Say so politely, say so to the right person, and before you speak up have a clear idea of what you expect to be done about the problem. And if the NH can't cope with that kind of constructive approach and still gives you backchat, then maybe you should be looking for somewhere else.
What people do not realize is that their loved one is not giving up and waiting to die ( although this may be the case) they are simply experiencing a progression of their condition and are content to simply be left alone. They have probably accepted their new really and are not able to change the inevitable so accepting this for the loved one is a great love and kindness if there is no hope of improving their physical or mental condition.
Your dad needs to control himself. His behavior could be impacting mom's care, no that would not be right, and behaviors. He is not helping mom by being so vocal. If he wants better care for mom he needs to back off. I am sure the staff at NH tries to avoid him at all costs.
What if the therapist or whoever is in charge of her therapy or care were to go over her abilities and explain what she is no longer able to do. He may have in his mind that she might catch on if they spent more time with her or explained things better. And we know that dementia patients aren't really able to learn new things, so, if she is declining, he may have to be told specifically so he can adjust his expectations.
Anyway, my Dad didn't quite understand what was going on and my Mom would tell Dad that she walked for 20 minutes that day.... of course my Dad believed Mom had walked, and he kept wanting me to get Mom to get out of bed so that they would walk. Same with whenever Mom wanted to use the bathroom... [sigh].
Thank goodness my Dad was a quiet reserved man, didn't give anyone any problems. But it took over a month before Dad realized that Mom won't be walking :( He still had hopes she would come home and everything would be like it was before that last fall. Once that hope was gone, Dad cut his visits down to a half hour each day. He really didn't want to remember his wife in that condition.
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