My mom has lived alone over 50 years, made all her own decisions without anyone to argue with her, and ate alone. Now 91, she is in IL/AL where all meals are in a dining room where everyone eats at round tables seating 6-8 people. The facility has a varied calendar of activities and entertainment, and a large gathering area to sit and watch people. Living here was her decision/choice and has been fine for just over one year until she fell on her face two months ago due to a UTI. Now she is in AL, has help throughout the day, and doesn't have to do anything herself. She has ALWAYS been obstinate, argumentative, and life-long chronically depressed. She now has early dementia ("people are stealing from me" when she forgets where she put things-usually in her pocket) and uses a walker. The AL just contacted me to say mom is now "refusing" to go to the dining room for any meals and sleeps all day. They independently contacted her Dr. who set up an appointment for her and for a psychiatrist, and called me to take her to this appointment which is scheduled for two days from now. I live over 1,000 miles away. In the last two years I have spent more time with my mom than I have in my own home with my own husband. I have only been home for 2 weeks from the last 3-week stay after her fall, and now I might have to go back. We are retired and are spending from our 401K accounts to travel back and forth. I have no solutions. My questions are, 1) why does a 91-year-old need a psychiatrist - how would that help her?; and 2) if she simply decides to eat in her room is that what they are calling "refusing" as in "she is refusing to do everything"? She is not refusing her meds and she has always lived alone so why would she suddenly want to join an active social schedule? I'm wondering if I should move her to a smaller facility like a Board and Care home, but she likes where she is at and she chose to live there vs other places we looked at. Maybe I don't even know what questions to ask the AL...
I have no idea why a Psychiatrist. Ask the doctor. I took Mom to a neurologist. Talk to the RN at the facility. Ask her why she felt the need to see a doctor. She and staff may have seen something you didn't.
It sounds like they’re just doing CYA. My mother was in skilled nursing and she seldom joined in their activities unless she was forced. She had 9 out of 10 meals in her room and no one ever said a word. She just enjoyed her own company more than anyone else’s.
Before you run out there again and spend any more of your retirement fund, call a meeting and firmly but calmly explain to them that you are not “around the corner” and cannot keep dropping everything and putting your life on hold.
I hear you on the psychiatrist but to tell the truth it's encouraging to hear they are that on top of things to be trying to get that going, for many residents these would be signs they might need some interventions and by the sounds of it many facilities don't think of much less arrange for this kind of assistance. That said it doesn't sound like that's necessarily what your mom needs, again she is behaving normally for her. You mention life long depression, is she on any meds for that? The doctor they made the appointment with, is it one she has known for a long time? If so I would hope that doctor knows this is normal for her, if not I guess they need the same conversation, sorry. I'm just curious, if you are her primary family and support what keeps her so far away? I mean if you don't have other family in her home town and you are considering a move anyway maybe moving her to a place closer to you would be helpful so you aren't making these trips because I'm not sure they are going to stop. It may settle down for a while but in my experience so far just when things are going along smoothly something happens needing a support trip. Just fair warning. Now again, if you can meet with the right people and get her care team all on board you are probably better off leaving things status quo if she's happy there, I was just thinking if you decide you want to move her.
Good luck!
The geriatric psychiatrist will look at her behaviors and meds to see if there is a different medication that may help with what may very well be depression.
She is in assisted living which does not include room service. In AL meals in the room, if permitted at all, would be an additional charge.
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