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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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To Feckleface1 - Your parents paid the bills when you were a child because parents are supposed to take care of their children. We do not owe anything because are parents took care of us. I take care of my mom because she is an excellent mother and I love her. She does contribute to the household because the bills are more since she moved in. I have children of my own and right now they are the ones I need to financially support
Yes, it is certainly allowable. It is also OK to charge rent, and/or to be compensated for caregiving. It is a good idea to have a formal personal care agreement or other document drawn up spelling out what you are providing and what Mom is paying. This is especially important if Mom has other relatives, or if she may need Medicaid down the road.
It is good to be thinking ahead about the possibility of having Mom live with you. Be sure to plan for some respite. You will need some time away from her. How will that be handled? If you will need to pay for respite care, arrange for that to come out of Mom's income or assets. No one can do 24/7/365 care and retain their sanity. Respite is often overlooked until the need arises. Plan ahead!
From the post, it's not clear to me if "burritokid" is a caregiver to a parent. If not, I wonder how they can criticize bethie541 or anyone who is. My folk's raised me to believe that "Parents are legally & morally responsible for their children. Being a "good, loving, wonderful" parent is their job AND moral responsibility, NOT an "obligation or favor" to be repaid. Also, that children do not "owe" their parents anything, other then love & respect". Both my WONDERFUL parents have lived w/me for past 8yrs & have always helped pay for expenses. If I could, I would do it for free, but I can't. I chose to give up a well paid job to care for them, so I need them to help with expenses. It is not "cold", it is "REALITY!!!! Life costs money & most of us have to pay our own way, including our dear parents. I am very grateful to my parents for the way they raised me, with lots of discipline, morality and most of all, LOVE!! I WANT to return that to them. Maybe "burritokid" can afford to, but unfortunetly, I can not afford to have them live w/me without their financial help.
I see no reason why they should not be asked to pay a portion of the household grocery bill, water and light. FIL eats more than me and hubs combined and pays only 25% of the bill. I am retired and on a fixed income as well, why should I have to pay his food bill. He pays no rent at all, nor does he pay for constant attention, laundry , cable and driving around all expenses.
Wow, some of the responses here boiled my blood. I've given up my social life and a bunch of my sanity while caring for my mom, not to mention intangible losses related to my professional career. Oh yes, there have also been significant tangible costs aside from food, housing, etc. For example, because I am caring for my mom, I am working less hours and therefore less is going into my own retirement account and less is being matched by my employer, potentially putting my own old age at risk. Thank goodness mom wants to contribute to the household; we'd need to have a serious cost if she didn't.
PS: Family caregivers really need to look at their own future and contributions to social security and the like and make sure that they are not putting themselves in future jeopardy.
Charles1921, that's fine. I assume you could afford it. Don't judge the people who have given up jobs to care for their parents, because if the parent doesn't contribute, they may all end up on the street.
You deserve credit for your attitude. So do the caregivers who let their parents pay them for care. every situation is different.
MLH1967: I think you are absolutely right in asking for help with utilities and I see nothing wrong with that at all. We got a bit screwed up here in that we moved into Mom's house to care for her. I am her unpaid caregiver 24/7 but I am expected to PAY HER $300 a month towards utilities and I also pay for groceries. What this does in preserve HER WEALTH while I am on disability and we are living on $1300 a month (really $1000). She would have never been able to keep this house and live on her own without us, but she wants to keep her savings and CD's in tact and she needs our money and my sisters $300 to pay the bills.
8 years ago I did not mind because I had child support as well, but that is no longer the case. Both of my sisters work, however I am left at home as the unpaid caregiver. I no longer feel that this is fair or equitable. They are making incomes while I do all the work AND YET I AM EXPECTED TO PAY. When my mother dies and her money has been left in tact both sisters expect that it be split equally between us. None of that money would be there for any of us, if they had to hire a caregiver to care for Mom, but in their eyes it is okay for me to provide the care for free and save the money for them.
What if my mother becomes so ill she has to go into a nursing home? All that money will have to be spent and then she will need to go on Medicaid. I feel that this is VERY unfair. I would never be able to get Mom to agree to sign a care giver agreement and with her dementia I do not know that she could even be asked to sign one. I am also the POA but that does not mean I HAVE TO BE THE CAREGIVER.
Would you have charged "rent" to an adult child who lived home? Of course, you would -- or should have. The same goes for a parent who lives with you. They eat the food, help run up the electric bill, so it's only logical that they should pay something toward it. Sit down with them and decide together how much they should pay.
My mom rotated among four of her five children for six years. None of us asked for assistance when she stayed as a long-term guest, but she always wanted to contribute and wrote small checks sporadically. She is now a permanent resident in my home. I didn't ask for any assistance for the first six months of this year, but when my sisters came for a brief visit (and saw how much energy it takes to care for an Alzheimer's patient), they made the decision that a certain amount should come from Mom's checking account monthly and also said I should swipe mom's credit card for groceries and her toiletries monthly as well. One of my sisters handles Mom's finances, so I scan the checkbook monthly and email it to her; the credit card bill goes to my sister as well. I just handle her care. We all agree this is the best situation.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It is good to be thinking ahead about the possibility of having Mom live with you. Be sure to plan for some respite. You will need some time away from her. How will that be handled? If you will need to pay for respite care, arrange for that to come out of Mom's income or assets. No one can do 24/7/365 care and retain their sanity. Respite is often overlooked until the need arises. Plan ahead!
PS: Family caregivers really need to look at their own future and contributions to social security and the like and make sure that they are not putting themselves in future jeopardy.
You deserve credit for your attitude. So do the caregivers who let their parents pay them for care. every situation is different.
8 years ago I did not mind because I had child support as well, but that is no longer the case. Both of my sisters work, however I am left at home as the unpaid caregiver. I no longer feel that this is fair or equitable. They are making incomes while I do all the work AND YET I AM EXPECTED TO PAY. When my mother dies and her money has been left in tact both sisters expect that it be split equally between us. None of that money would be there for any of us, if they had to hire a caregiver to care for Mom, but in their eyes it is okay for me to provide the care for free and save the money for them.
What if my mother becomes so ill she has to go into a nursing home? All that money will have to be spent and then she will need to go on Medicaid. I feel that this is VERY unfair. I would never be able to get Mom to agree to sign a care giver agreement and with her dementia I do not know that she could even be asked to sign one. I am also the POA but that does not mean I HAVE TO BE THE CAREGIVER.
I hate to even think about it as it makes me mad.
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