She has vascular dementia, almost totally deaf, very limited mobility and stubborn as the biggest mule on planet Earth! She changed her DPOA in 2012 when my husband and I moved out of state to include a statement that prevents my brother and I placing her into a NH. She now has 24/7 CNA care with weekly hospice nurse visitation. It costs $20-22K per month to keep her there and my biggest fear is that she will live on for 4-5 more years like this with only so much money. Both my brother and I agree she should be in a NH but definitely want this to happen if she gets to a point with hospice where pain management becomes necessary. At that point, will involve me (great distance out of state) and my brother (in-state but poor health) to manage her meds. I want to honor her wish to go at home but this DPOA change feels like she has no regard for how this will affect both our jobs, life, etc to provide 24/7 care. Not sure how to deal with what may be coming soon - any suggestions??
She has the right and the might to do as she pleases if this is the case. Money is great at smoothing out the wrinkles of caregiving.
In my state, if ALL siblings are on the same page as far as a parent's mental status, they can invoke the POA and basically 'force' the parent to take the care situation offered. (Our attorney says he's NEVER seen this actually happen, so it's not easy to do)
Check with your attorney and see if a similar law exists where you are. Look forward and make plans with brother, but if mom is happy, content and can manage to live alone, then let her. Decide what you'll do if that 'day' comes, and don't worry about her from day to day.
At 96--she probably doesn't HAVE 4-5 more years. You're probably worrying about something that won't need to be dealt with. But do plan ahead, and then put your mind at rest.
If she is in hospice, she will HAVE to have 24/7 care and that is most likely in a NH unless she can afford to pay for round the clock care. A person can't really do hospice without outside support.