Assisted living and nursing homes are so expensive, does anyone have any suggestions for alternative places?

You might look for independent living places. Too bad that you live so far from me. There are really nice independent living places in Wyoming. But maybe your mom is too "far gone" for IL. These IL places are relatively inexpensive.

That’s a bargain today $3,000

Talk with an elder care attorney and/or elder care services. I worked with an elder care attorney who helped me with my dad’s financials so that he could afford assisted living. Also, if she or her husband served in the armed forces during a wartime, there are benefits. Contact Patriot Angels for free information.

Home care is cheaper, but kind of a temporary fix - down the road when person requires more care some places might deny her access and by then her demeanor will regress. Everyone is correct posting here - its a crying shame the cost and type of care they receive.

Finding affordable assisted living is the pits. However, in countries with government health care benefits, the elderly's medical care is lessened each year. Yes, there is assisted living and nursing home care but there are also euthenasia guidelines which are mandated by some governments. Don't know about you, but I like the idea of seniors getting medical treatments. Since Affordable care went into effect many of the services are already being cut down for seniors like the colonoscopies and mammograms. In addition, look at the waiting lists for regular medical care in countries like England where government financing is being cut down or not available.
Sometimes families have to put themselves out to help elderly even when it's not convenient. After all those parents did that for many years while they were growing up. And the way they treat their parents is teaching their children how they should treat them.

Back to the original question 6 years ago - why isn't there something less expensive? I'm a healthy 76, grateful and appreciative of what I have, have saved, and planned for healthy retirement and the potential of higher care later. I've done a good deal of research on the realities of aging and how it's playing out financially - downsizing, budgeting, and eventually having to cancel Long-Term Care Insurance because it doubled in cost last year. I planned for inflation increases, but with escalating costs of care, it was clear that another increase would have insurance taking half of my fixed income. Bottom line is that we individuals; they (everybody else including many care recipients who never worked or contributed to programs designed to assist the whole); or the government - took into consideration the social change and transfer of wealth that occurred over the last decade virtually destroying the American middle class and their ability to care for themselves.  Sheer GREED has brought us to a point where Seniors who planned to age-in-place are unable to pay escalating property tax on often debt-free homes. My grocery bill has doubled in the last 5 years while my Social Security check (for which I worked and contributed most of my adult life) has increased a whopping $2 over that same 5 years. Meanwhile a teenager who has never worked but birthed a couple of innocent citizen babies feels entitled to (and receives)  housing, healthcare, and further education with the likelihood that those who start life based on irresponsible decisions for which others pick up the cost are unlikely to ever become productive citizens. The family company who owns the grocery where I shop is among the wealthiest families  in the world (billions). As corporations go, they are good guys -  supporting charities worldwide. If they, or the likes of Bill Gates, Soros, the Koch Brokers, big pharma, etc. simply sell their products for reasonable prices based on costs and not costs with obscene profits, then the money we earned, or that our children earn, could be self administered to improve health and elder care.  With grandchildren nearing or in college (where scholarships were based on need and diversity rather than grades and accomplishments), my children struggle to get by on $100K a year and have little time to enjoy life, help with my care, or plan for their own futures.  The problem increases when you consider that each middle age couple (our kids) potentially have four adults for whom they feel some responsibility. 

There simply needs to be other housing models besides aging-in-place (where costs are prohibitive); aging with family (where costs, time, and social needs are lacking); or FOR PROFIT institutional care.  LESS THAN 5% of all over age 65 live in ANY KIND OF INSTITUTIONAL SETTING (independent, assisted, memory or full care).  If you check out the biggest providers of healthcare, you'll find CEOs compensated in the range of $30 to 50 million annually; and CEOs of the biggest providers of Senior are compensated $5 to 10 million while paying actual caregivers $10-$15 per hour. I could  cite more statistics, but the only ones that count are population vs earnings. Those over age 65 are now about 20% of the total population. As boomers and their progeny retire over the next 20 years, Seniors will represent almost 40% of total population. Add children and those truly unable to contribute and there's simply not enough workers to sustain  current models of housing/healthcare or living. There IS NO MAGIC ANSWER - we either change or the system will fail. Meanwhile, our elected representatives twiddle their thumbs, increase their pay and provide higher standards of living for themselves than for those who elected them. 

But, back to reality, how do the other 95% of those over 65 cope with the situation that exists. In the aging-in-place model, there is not only the cost of maintaining a home, but loneliness which is now attributed to be equally as unhealthy as smoking alcoholism, or diabetes. We seek medical care because we are scared and lonely and Medicare/medicaid picks up the tab without our even knowing the cost. A night in the hospital which was excessive at $1000 thirty years ago is now obscene at $10,000-$30,000.

One solution is banding together under the same principles of cavemen and colonists - sharing the space, the work, and the bounties (the basis of Cooperative or CoHousing. For those healthy enough, as little as taking on a housemate could double household resources. If 4 are each struggling to live on $60K annually, if they banded together, household income would be $240K, enough to hire assistance in the form of cleaning, transport, medicine management, keeping the larder stocked and meal preparation. This is a different mind set - but it can be our reality and it has the potential to get us and our kids through the next several decades of a social/health/financial problem that is only going to grow. Among my friends and with help of Social Media (some new technology is helpful!) , we've created a group who are in the process of selling our homes with the intent to buy into a small condo project nearby. We're not planning a takeover - just to have proximity to each other and to the goods, services, healthcare and cultural opportunities that we already know. Sale of our homes will add to each of our assets to be used to supplement fixed income. And that will allow to re-allocate spending to some shared costs (housekeeping, transportation and anything else for which we can collectively bargain). 

We'll have small separate living units, but with the intent of our daily social needs being resolved by being companionable neighbors. One of our otherwise healthy friends is currently in memory care assisted living - which could be any of us within the next decade - whose family has agreed to support her decision to buy with us and ours to include and watch after her. That doesn't mean we are obligated to replace any special care any individual might need (which remains a responsibility of their estates), but we want to include up front a small percentage of those whose care needs are higher than the groups so that we will have an understanding of group dynamics for the time that any of us may need  attention that the group cannot provide. 

Every act of care doesn't have to be profitable. I've never been in favor of law restricting the amount a person could "earn." Still, there's something basically wrong with the model in which the actual caregivers in Assisted Living facilities average $13/hour, while the facility Director averages $36/hour and so on through state and regional management to the CEO averages a whopping $480/hour before management bonuses and stock options which bring his/her take to an obscene $3,000/hour. 

Still, if you don't have the time, willingness, or energy to participate in management of the care of an individual or in cooperating with others to manage the direction of an ongoing group with common interests - then you will have to pay for the privilege of others providing services you can't or won't provide. Yes, we'll still have to seek legal and perhaps social guidance to protect ourselves and family earnings/assets from government overreach and  we'll need to lobby on behalf of family and friends being compensated for care-giving. But if lower costs and higher satisfaction are goals with which you can help, there are options. 

Apologies in advance for anything sounding offensive or non caring about the rights or entitlements of others (salaries, welfare, etc), I' m just sick of seeing the assets of what was the middle-class backbone of this country drained off to attorneys, pseudo services such as A Place for Mom who basically gives you a list of housing providers who will pay them a commission if you move there; and dozens upon dozens of governmental offices and non-profits who are in the job-creation/information disseminating business. What we need is affordable housing that meets our physical, social and financial realities. We need to spend our resources on those who are actually helping improve our daily lives.

Check with the best NH in your area (Google it) then call them & ask them for a good Elder Care attorney. They are very experienced in guiding you through the medicaid process.

That's it; seniors live long enough to get dementia, etc.... I never expected nor wanted to live past 75 or 80, but suddenly am in a position to spend time with and hear about so many who are over 85 - most of them over 90 - and sick, almost blind, falling all the time, etc.... because western medicine keeps them alive, even when they don't want it to. Several have told me they pray all the time for the Lord to take them, as they have very little quality of life, and these are not even the ones with ALZ or serious Dementia! Sometimes even DNRs and DNIs are ignored, as just happened with my uncle; family was asked, said nothing extra - but doctors did it, and he died anyway. Why do you suppose they did that, as if we all don't know.

Remember that Medicare is a totally federal government run program set up by Lyndon Johnson in the 1960s. Before that time seniors didn't even get medical care except through expensive private insurance, and most couldn't afford that. So don't tell me the government can't run anything! It's these half-a$$ federal/state programs like Medicaid that are a problem! I remember during the late 1940s my great-grandmother, who had dementia, came to live with my parents, and my mother (who also had a new baby) took care of her. My grandparents paid my mom to do this as they owned and worked long hours at their flower shop. When great-grandma got sick, they didn't call a doctor; when she quit eating, they didn't do anything but try to keep her comfortable until she died. That was the way things were, and it probably wasn't as bad as it sounds. But now, there are few if any non-working children or grandchildren to take on the caregiving role, and good medical care has enabled most seniors to live long enough to get dementia, mobility and digestive/elimination issues, and all of the problems of senility. I personally have LTC and enough income and savings to provide for myself for about 12 years (I am now 80). My parents died at 63 and 80, none of my grandparents lived beyond 87. I hope I die within the next 5 years, so that something will be left for my children and grandchildren, who haven't been able to get the high-paying jobs my husband and I had.

True; still reading it and finding it interesting.....

...but even though it originated 6 years ago, a lot of people still find it relevant!

This post was originated 6 years ago.

Greetings! My name is Vickie, and I work for 3801 Grand Retirement Campus in Des Moines, IA. I work with a lot of families and individuals in very similar situations to yours, Karen. The first question I always ask these families is whether their loved one happens to be a Veteran or spouse/widow/widower of a Veteran. Many families don't know about Aid and Attendance benefits that may be available to the individual when they reach the point of needing some personal care assistance. The monthly amount varies according to several factors, but I have seen qualified individuals receive a few hundred per month and I have seen individuals receive just under $2,000 per month. If your loved one is a Veteran or spouse or widow/widower of a Veteran, it is absolutely worth looking into. You can go directly to the VA for information on qualifying and the paperwork to apply. Also, many people go through a financial planner who might assist the family with assets that may disqualify the individual. It does take some time for paperwork and so forth, but for some people it can make the difference between being able to afford the care they need and the family trying to get by.... I hope this helps a few folks!

Vickie

I'm facing the same thing. Trying to care for my husband in my own because once he goes into assisted living we only have a few years before I lose my home. I have a great fear of being in the streets in my 70s but that is the reality we elders face in this day and age. I've got a beautiful home for a little while anyway.

I am having the same issue with my parents,they are 85&90. I met with several facilities& hit that same wall that keeps me awake and stressed! Multiply the cost of care ×'s two for Us! I think some people on here have resources beyond what a lot of us face. As for everyone paying for their care I get that but on the other hand I feel very strongly that the years &sacrifices made by those in need should never leave us helpless or overwhelmed. Take away support for illegals,stop giving $$ to healthy people who choose not to work because our government will pay them to stay home& pop out babbies on our tax $$. This is all B.S.! THE CHOICES
FOR CARE SUCK,WE NEED A NEW SYSTEM PERIOD! We ALL FACE THIS AND OUR KIDS,I NEVER KNEW UNTIL THE TIME CAME THAT OUR GOVERNMENT DIDN'T HAVE A BETTER PLAN FOR ELDERLY.ok,
I'm Done,thank you.

To caregiverL I know what you mean. I had several caregivers, two of them stole from me one was very very good but she had to leave. It is very hard. I was paying $17 per hour. My mother's behavoir was unclean personal hygiene which got worse and other weird behavoir that mostly she "showed" me. Look for a group home, less money than nursing home and better for both you and her

Check to see if there are any "community care" facilities in your area. They are not as expensive as sterile hospital type nursing homes or as large. Some individuals with proper credentials open up these larger homes and have a limited amount of residents. My mother is in one of these since she too was not eligible for medicaid and I didnt want to pay 7-8 thousand per month. These are about half or less per month than that. It took me about a year to find this. Good luck.

When my mother was in nursing home 2016 -2017 It was $12,500/month or $375/day. Medicare didn’t cover after physical therapy ended. She was not cooperating or progressing...Not eligibile yet for Medicaid ...so I took her home w aides who understand the worst stages of dementia. They now don’t accept less than $15/hr & since she is getting worse I have no choice but to pay. I had Aides come from Agency & they leave immediately after seeing my mother behavior.

Did someone suggest a group home? I worked in two that had 4-7 people, with a live in owner and other helpers. They were great; more like a big family. We even had someone with ALZ that everyone looked out for - doors locked, and we cooked together, watched TV, and went places, played games; you name it. There's one of those here that has 8-10 people and 3 people on duty during the day, 1or 2 at night; same thing.... like a large family. A couple of them have Dem or Alz, but no one seems to mind, they fit in - of course, they're not violent, just forgetful and/or confused. It's a lovely Victorian home that was a B&B and everyone seems so content....

Have you tried placing an ad through care.com or post some ads around your town for private help? You could screen them and get references yourself. Definitely worth a try!!

Arleeda, check on the statistics of older women with high cholesterol--they live longer! Also, check on the side effects of statin drugs--one of them is memory loss, which i have seen in friends and family members, as well as myself until I did the research.

Arleeda, I can spot a teeny tiny flaw in your high-cholesterol plan - what if you have a non fatal heart attack or stroke? I don't know what the statistics say, but I don't think you can count on either being a coup de grâce, and then where are you? In the NH, non-verbal, on a peg-feeder, that's where.

Don't "keep taking the tablets" if they don't suit you, but do look after your health as well as you can.

Frankly, we are just living too long, much longer than most of us (including the government) thought we would, and there used to be non-working women to care for the elderly parents and in-laws. My mother spent about a year caring for her grandmother with dementia (senility they called it then) in the 1940s, along with taking care of me and my then baby sister while my dad was in the army. But Grandma was not ever taken to a doctor, and when she became unable to eat, she faded away. My father died of a heart attack at 63 and my mother of cancer at 75--both of them would have probably been cured in today's medical climate and lived to develop dementia, Parkinson's or worse. I am almost 80 and exercise and eat healthy, but I sometimes wonder if as a result of that my children will be burdened with caring for me or spending down my resources (my husband died of a stroke at age 71). I am reasonably well off and have long term care insurance bought from my employer at a time when they were offering such things. But I hope and pray for a fatal heart attack or stroke and wonder if I shouldn't stop taking drugs to lower my cholesterol.

The VA has foster homes. Private homeowners allow their homes to be used for the residents. Usually no more than 3 veterans in a home. The doctors and therapists to the homes. My MIL worked for the state of FL and she says that the state has foster homes. Do not know anything about that or if other states do this.
Still requires money. VA has Aid and Attendance (money) to help with foster home cost. Don't know much else, except to follow the Medicaid plan, where the person's money is spent down to nothing so they qualify for Medicaid to pay for the nursing home. In my Aunt's case, she was already in a nursing home, and Medicaid only paid a set amount. So we had to pay the difference (834.oo) between what the nursing home charged and what Medicaid paid. You need to find out as much as possible about Medicaid. I was advised that my Aunt could keep her home, one car, and a burial policy. And she could not give away her money to family within five years of her entrance into a nursing home. So you really need to know what's what. Don't know if all states do this, but in FL you can find a business headed by a lawyer that will help you preserve your parents estate while qualifying the parent for Medicaid. Some take a dim view of this practice, but essentially, you become the DPOA and there is a contract between you and your parent to be her caregiver. It's still a big process. Personally, if you can get her in-home care, perhaps sharing duties with a qualified caregiver, that might be the most affordable. But most people work and care-giving wears you out!!
No matter what, it's tough to be a caregiver, and it's tough finding a way to pay for home care. Karen, it ain't easy and it ain't fair. You can be proud of your Dad doing right by his family and country. Your Mom is lucky to have you to care about what happens to her. Keep reading at this site and you may see how blessed you are compared to others in this same boat.

Strength in numbers, Junebug2. Are you a member of a patients' self-help support group, or a lobbying special interest organisation? What does your social worker say?

The future is never certain for anyone. For those with less economic security or family support, it can get very frightening and I sympathise. But here's the thing. You can sit there and quail, or you can speak up. The results may not be any different (though who knows) but at least you'll have tried.

Reading all this is absolutely terrifying. In this case, I am the one who will one day have no place to go if Medicaid funding is cut or altogether eliminated. I am 61, disabled, and have no family. I live in government housing now on SSI. The thought of EVER having to go into a nursing home scares me to death. I am also afraid of being homeless. I have multiple health issues and I know that day may someday come. What should I do...what CAN I DO, to ensure this doesn't happen to me if I am all alone? I am going to have a living will, for one thing, stating that if anything happens to me, I do NOT, under ANY circumstances, want to be kept alive. I'm in tears right now as all this has depressed me to no end. Good luck to everyone who is in such an untenable position.

Lassie, I wonder if you're still monitoring this? I loved your answer - wished I could click the "thumbs up" about a hundred times in quick succession! !!

It would be nice if the US had the same health and nursing home care insurance that is seen throughout the rest of the Western world--and maybe some of the Eastern, too. In the past, families had to take care of each other, but there were enough women without paying jobs to do it, and because medical care to prolong life at all costs had not advanced to the extent it has now. No one in my family has lived past their mid-80s, and only one had dementia and was taken care of by her granddaughter, my mother, because she had just had a baby and had to be at home anyway! But she got only supportive care, she was never taken to a doctor because Medicare insurance didn't exist then. When she quit eating, she gradually went into a coma and died. I was about 9 years old at the time. Today she would probably be thrown in prison for letting her great grandma died, but that was the way it was when you could no longer care for yourself. My father died of a heart attack at 63, my mother of cancer at 80, so I never had to deal with long term decline in either of them. My husband had vascular dementia and died a few days after a massive stroke, which I look upon as a blessing as his dementia could only have gotten worse. I don't want to be a burden to my children, so I have two LTC policies and a well-prepared beneficiary book with all my wishes and bank accounts listed. Probably it won't all go perfectly, but it's the best I or anyone can do.

People live long past their sell-by dates today, is why. They are given pills and remedies for all their ailments and diseases, and so they live on and on and on, feeling lousy, incontinent, with Alzheimers, and their exhausted, struggling 60 year old offspring HAVE to get them on Medicaid and into a facility. Of course there is no inheritance, every cent they have made over their long lives has to be used to keep them alive and well, what else is there?

Answer to the rant- people in countries where they elderly are cared for also pay 40-60 percent income tax. I know this because I have a daughter that lives in Europe. But if your mom spends all her money then she can qualify for medicade. It is what it is. Inheritance is a thing of the past.