My mom has had Alzheimer's for about 8 years. She's 81 and has been in a nursing home- a memory care facility- for a year and a half. Recently, Alz drugs were discontinued and then she developed a bad cold which lead to pneumonia. Beginning about 2 weeks ago, she began refusing care most of the time. She also pushes her food away, isn't drinking much, and she's refusing her meds, some of which she gets to reduce agitation. This is not all the time, but at least part or most of every day. Could she be trying to check out, or would she be able to make that decision? My MIL who had Parkinson's did make the decision to die, but she had her wits about her. Mom can't communicate much anymore. She gets some words out, and seems to understand words. She's even still able to read some words (former English teacher!). She rallied for a visit with my adult sons 4 days ago. But yesterday was awful. She wouldn't even open her eyes when I was there, which is very strange. They can't get her to cooperate for a urine test. I don't know if she's trying to tell us something through her actions. Do any of you have experience with this with an Alzheimer's loved one?
I would like to mention two additional things. You state that you are the agent under a medical advance directive, and you might be reluctant to act because you do not know if your mom has the capacity to understand the choice due to her dementia. That is your job as the agent, to make the choices, when she cannot. Do not feel bad about it, she asked you to do that. Your standard is to do what your mom would do if she were able to make the choice herself. If your mom was okay, would she want to continue to live, or would she want to die? None of us readers know that choice better than you do. Please to not feel guilty about your choice, your mom is blessed to have someone available to make that choice for her.
Please also look into hospice and palliative care, both of which are covered under Medicare. You can receive hospice care and recover and that is okay. Recovery does not frequently, but it does happen now and then, and that is not a problem. But hospice will also provide some benefits for you, too.
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