Am I being too particular about my husband's care in the facility?
Now that my husband has been placed in a facility, new issues arise. Is it to be expected that he would lose his glasses, have on other peoples clothing, shoes, glasses and personal items? He has been there almost two months now and it is a beautiful memory care facility. The staff are very nice, there are many activities, outings and a nice courtyard for walks outside anytime. I feel so fortunate to have gotten him in this facility. However, the issues with missing items is frustrating. For example, this week he had on shoes that were at least two sizes too big, shirts, belts, socks and most items he was wearing were not his. I saw one of his shirts on another person. I mentioned it to another wife and she said don't worry yourself with those things. There are 60 people there and it's hard to keep people from laying things around. She said at least he's fed, clothed and sheltered. Yesterday I collected some of the things and took them to the desk and said these are not his. I made him redress in his own clothes and shoes. But many of his things are not there. He squints and never has glasses even though I had another pair made. So,he has two pair of glasses floating around the place. Sorry to be so long-winded but I'm thinking I might need to chill and just forget it. I'm still trying to recover from the years of caregiving at home. Has anyone else dealt with these issues? Carol
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Yes, in that it is true that material things matter less than the spirit in which your husband is cared for. This is true. It is *more* important that he is well treated, well fed, washed and dressed in clean clothes - whether his or somebody else's.
But oh for God's sake! I like MsMadge's comment that residents in memory care 'add to the mayhem' - don't they just! - but all the same. It is NOT all right that the housekeeping and laundry services can't figure out a reasonably reliable system. This is NOT beyond the wit of man. For example, it is hard to stop people mislaying odd items of clothing - a cardigan left on a chair, a shoe slipping off someone in a wheelchair - but it is not hard to check for a name and return the item to its correct room. And staff, no matter how low their wages, stealing from residents is not merely unacceptable but still criminal. Also disgusting. What kind of person steals from the helpless? Should that person be employed in their home?
A genuinely excellent continuing care facility depends on good leadership. I have seen it done in real life, and in my dream world I would have that Manager cloned and deployed worldwide. If residents' belongings go missing, if residents are dressed in a hodgepodge of other people's clothes, if glasses and purses and - it happens - dentures are lost, then the facility's senior managers need to get their finger out.
So. Yes: focus on what really matters. But no: politely and smilingly and above all laying responsibility where it belongs, persist. Do not willingly accept poor practice.
Be happy you found a facility where your husband is doing okay
His glasses if he's nearsighted should be kept in the nurses med cart for safekeeping
My moms facility has 62 residents which imho is way too many - her things disappear all the time and some have never come back - she lays her purse somewhere almost daily but it gives her great comfort to have it - mostly strapped around her neck
I have her name on everything and it doesn't matter - residents come into her room and take off their clothes - her neighbor has the same first name and so more confusion -
Residents with dementia have few inhibitions - men walk around in their briefs and pee where they're standing - one man loves hats - men's or women's
Last night he was wearing another woman's fedora and she told him so - I tried to soothe her and said oh well it looks quite fetching on him and she replied it looked quite fetching on her - lol - mind you she wears her shirt inside out and since no one helps her at bedtime she sleeps in her clothes
I won't even go into teeth brushing and how often I find my mom bare bottom with no diaper - she's had 4 UTIs in as many months
When a deceased woman's pants showed up in her closet I gave them to the nurse and the next night they were back in her closet so I threw them away - they were 2sizes too small
Of course at the rehab facility every single thing I had in my moms nightstand was stolen - comb, jar of mentholatum, makeup bag, prayer book, toothpaste etc
Low wage staff stealing from the elderly is a huge problem but in memory care residents add to the mayhem
Another problem was eye glasses. The loved one may take them off and leave them anywhere in the facility. They have no idea that they even wear glasses, so keeping up with them is quite is futile. Sometimes they show up, sometimes they are broken. Sometimes her doll disappears, only to return weeks or months later. She likely takes it to other residents to comfort them or just lays it on their bed, forgets and leaves.
Since her care is good, I try not to focus on those things, but if it was really bad, I would.
I take photos of all shoes and clothes that I take into the facility and keep the receipt. Just in case.
As far as glasses are concerned you can get pretty cheap prescription glasses on the internet so why not get a prescription and order a few pairs of the cheapest ones you can find and at least he would have something.
Stealing by staff is always a problem in any healthcare facility and of course is never right. If you leave it unattended it is fair game.
The idea of keeping receipts and photographing the item is an excellent one id the facility is willing to reimburse.
All very annoying but as others have said if your loved one is happy and well cared for bite the bullet and provide the minimum of cheap clothing needed.
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