My elderly mom, 78 ish, broke her hip three years ago. Since then, she refuses to exercise and get healthy. She is still in a wheelchair due to this.
She also has diabetes but refuses to lose weight or eat the right way.
She is stubborn and has lost hope with life. But she's been unhappy most of her life, I think.
She lives in an assisted living apartment. Her rent and food are paid for via social security and my dad's pension. She has been retired since she was around 55. Not worked since.
She's now telling me that I am hateful and bad because I don't send her monthly checks any longer. This is because I found out that she has nearly 100k in the bank. She says well she needs my money because she doesn't want to spend that 100k. I am struggling financially myself and will be forced to retire on 1700 a month or less. Sending her money makes no sense.
I told her to please spend her money. She only needs about 200 a month for things other than rent/food. That's say 3k a year. Times 20 years, she'll still have plenty of money.
I have always been the hated/black sheep daughter. She says mean things to me often, and I have never felt really loved by her. My sister is the golden child; my little brother the only boy. I am really tired of how she makes me feel. She and my sister used to laugh at me cruelly when I was a kid. They still stick together today. I think both of them are coldhearts.
thanks
You are not crazy. You are being bullied and I would have as little to do with any of your awful family as possible. Walk away from the whole lot.
She is manipulating you and that is just evil in my opinion. Love doesn't have strings and material things are just that, material. They are not love.
Honoring your parents has nothing to do with giving them money. In fact scripture talks about parents helping their children, not the other way around. Scripture is not meant to put us in bondage to anyone. It is to set us free.
I am cheering for you to get away from her hatefulness, you deserve to be happy and not emotionally abused.
I left home when I was 16. I would do it again in a heartbeat, because I made it, even though it was hard, I didn't have her running me into the ground with her hate everyday. It is never to late to say enough is enough and seek a stable, fulfilled life for yourself. It truly is easier without all the mind games.
They all bully me to be honest. Has been that way all my life. No matter what I do I am wrong. I tried to commit suicide when I was a teen due to my mom. Now I am old and am so tired of this.
I have told her to spend her money and if she runs out we'll talk. But that isn't going to happen with 100k in the bank and all her bills paid.
I look back at my life and wish I could go back to age 16 and run away, which was what so wanted to do.
I've accepted this for decades, this treatment, and I am done with it.
She says me sending her money proves that I love her.
Hmmm.
I paid for college myself. She paid for my brother's. My sister didn't go.
I think my problem is I know I am to honor my mother but I cannot enable her. She is a bully and does it well. The whole family is under her control basically.
She doesn't love me. She gaslights me.
I'm really tired of this. I'm not sending her money.
Why is she equating me sending her money with love? If she thinks this, she should send me money as she has more than me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have been abused by this woman for your entire life, nothing you do will cause her to love you. If she couldn't love you as a sweet cuddly baby, she sure isn't going to love you as a strong adult or a mushy, push over that can be bullied out of money. Let go of the desire to be loved by her. I promise you that you will feel liberated when you love yourself enough to get away from her hatefulness towards you.
You matter and you can take care of you, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Blood makes you relatives LOVE makes you family.
Best of luck!
Do either your brother or sister make monetary deposits at Bank of Mother?
Step back and manage your own money and expenses for yourself. Do not speak to her of how much money you have or she has. Ignore her when she brings up either her money or your’s. You do not need to pay to be bullied and abused, do you? You have told her to spend her own money for her own expenses. It ends with that. Your finances are none of her, your sister or your brother’s business. And, unless you have Power Of Attorney for her, her's and what she does with them are none of your’s. When she runs out of toothpaste or toilet paper, she will need to open the vault. It’s not your responsibility.
Remember that NO is a complete sentence, and requires no further discussion.
I wish you the best, don't allow anyone to ruin your life, your wellbeing.