Anosgnosia (lack of insight) confirmed. Now what?
Anosognosia, also called 'lack of insight' is a symptom experienced by some that impairs a person’s ability to understand and perceive his or her illness.
Doctor just confirmed Anosognosia for sibling last week. I knew there was this big lack of awareness thing going on but now it makes sense. No wonder the explanations, examples & common sense have not worked! Her brain really can't see the lack of hygiene, the lack of nutrition, the falls etc add up to not being able to care for herself.
It's on file, so in the long term, once she really can't cope she will enter the health system & capacity will be tested.
In the short term...?
Plans to arrive for Xmas: poor mobility, falls risk, incontinent - not bring Aide as *doesn't need one*.
If a situation arrises, I can suggest she leaves. Or I can leave (& plan to).
Any other ideas or suggestions?
Last year I still had the mindset of trying to please them all. Nice photos of smiling families in the park etc but I was a stressed out wreck. I've been on quite an education since then. Last year was last year - a never to be repeated event.
This year I booked a local bistro. Turn up & self pay. I was so zen about this year. Starting to over-think things - getting un-zen.
But as you say, a public place. Plan is to flee with daughter. Graceful & Swift. Beautiful. Thank you! No messy goodbyes - just two geese spreading their wings & flying away...
After years of crazy family antics (my ex's) I learned two important lessons about dysfunctional family partying:
1. Invite outsiders
or
2. Hold party in a public venue.
The chances of bad behavior a greatly reduced and in the second case, escape is possible. In the first case, you have witnesses who can confirm YOUR sanity and the craziness of the behavior of others.
I hope this works out.
I would suggest a restaurant or similar public place where your exit can be graceful and swift if needs be.
Does someone have POA for your sister?
For someone who doesnt have insight into their own deficits, getting them the proper level of care can be hard. The best technique is often "now it's time to..." as opposed to " would you like to..?"
I'm glad you've gotten off the bus.
I am certain my mother is suffering from it and in many ways it is almost as challenging as the dementia itself. However, most professionals don’t even know the term, never mind what it involves. They confuse it with denial.
The stress of this I am finding harder than the other symptoms. So I sought councelling this year. He also confirmed (from my info, not own observations) that my Dad *won't* & my sister *can't*. Said Dad had 'denial' & sister had 'lack of insight' due to broken brain.
I'm sorry this probably won't help you. I have little idea what to actually do about it except deal with each difficulty as it arrises.
Might be worth a shot? - though, do you happen to know whether the aide would prefer the time off or the extra pay???
Next level would be: "you bring your aide or you're not coming."
If she turns up unaccompanied, you go. Tell your Dad this is the deal beforehand, so that maybe he'll chime in with the message now.
Dad supports her making her own decisions.
Both minimise the incontinence issue. "It doesn't happen ALL the time". So they don't see it as a huge risk.
Well it's not life threatening. No one will die. She will be messy. Dad will be helpless. I will be g-o-n-e.
For example, they bought a car, but it was too big for the garage, and they didn't feel comfortable driving it. Mom had a sit-down tub installed but failed to notice most of the plumbing in the house was failing. After two baths the plumbing was broken permanently. They paid 50K for a cruise, but didn't buy the insurance. Both parents were very ill on the trip and I was lucky to get the ship to keep them aboard. I had an ambulance pick them up from the port upon arrival.
They both had a pact with each other to never go into a home. Sad to say this a very romantic notion of dying, but completely un-do-able without a lot of forethought.
Slowly I was able to get them into an assisted living home. Lately due to my Moms declining health, I've been able to find caretakers for about 60 hours per week. I let the staff at the home take care of her at night, when she is in "low maintenance" mode. This arrangement costs about 10K per month, and the best part is that I don't have to fret about every little thing.
A good source of finding help has been the church. Right now she has three people taking care of her from 9am till 8pm. If someone doesn't make it, I know the home will pick up the slack. I have done the best I can for Mom.
But so glad you have a good arrangement now. I have found the church a big support too as my parents have been more accepting of a little more non-family help if it is still from their church family.
Didn't bring aide (not surprised).
I ate my lunch & provided chit chat only - no assistance.
She managed short walk to bathroom unaided but struggling with hygiene evident on return.
I exited swiftly. Left her to call taxi home or obtain ride from others.
I will warn (again) of the possible future embarrassment & suggest (again) to bring an Aide. Will add explaination that I will personally point out if she is offensive & ask her to leave.
I would want to know if it was me... How to make her leave... need to think on that now.
Re the incontinence and messiness not being life-threatening: It is. My mom got a UTI, an e. coli infection, and ended up with a temperature of 105, it's a miracle that she survived this.