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I posted recently about my mom and I won't rehash my situation other than to say I'm the sad daughter in her 60s who is still pathetically seeking love and approval from an emotionally cold and manipulative mom. I am however getting a little better with my gray rock technique. Every simple thing with my mom is a game of cat and mouse and I fall into the trap of asking twenty questions to see what she wants or needs. She has a way of making me feel like I fall short. I feel like a pawn on a chess board. It's exhausting. She will try to set me up; thinks she is being subtle. Could teach a college course on gaslighting. This has been going on for years and is probably ingrained. But she's still sharp as a tack. Hubby says her treatment of me is targeted and has been coaching me. He says I have to not show a reaction. Not give her the response she is looking for no matter how much she needles me. My new responses: Okay. No. How about those Blackhawks? Guess what my cat did yesterday. Oh look at the time. And when she fails to get a response and does the big disgusted sigh, I just say oh I hear it's supposed to get really cold this weekend. So I guess I don't really have a question. But I would love to hear how others do "gray rock" and if they have any pointers.

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If someone develops a cancerous tumor, you don’t put down the person, you just cut out the tumor.

Mom is a cancerous tumor. Cut her out of your life.
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Respectfully, why do you even talk to her at all? The conversation you quoted sounds pointless anyway, so why bother? She's not going to change. If you block her 100% then she has 0% ability to affect you, and you have 0% chance of allowing yourself to have your time wasted in a pointless relationship. Just you talking to her about *anything* or getting your attention gives her enough of a "win". We can't choose our relatives, but we can choose if we have interactions with them and allow them to cross our boundaries.
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I was literally just going to type the same question but you phrased it so much better. I'm in the same boat. And I've been practicing the same techniques. I'm also very concerned about the upcoming weather so I'm trying to decide if I should go today when it's "warm." I've already told my mom I'm not coming for Christmas because she couldn't make a simple decision. My only additional info is that my dad still lives with her and he is 84 with Parkinsons. They have a caregiver at least until January 1. I like the advice so far. About cutting them out like tumors but that's really hard to do for OP and I. We're not there yet. That's a big step. So like what do we do this week - between the cold and the holidays, it's hard to not go see your parent(s) even if OP and I realize our moms are the problem, not us, and we're both taking active steps to heal.
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