We lost my 89 year old father last month. My 85 year old mother has dementia (but thinks she's fine). My sister and I live out of state but plan to visit every few weeks. We've increased the in home care from 4 hours 3 days per week to 5 days (with the goal of 7 days). The stove has been turned off. My mother uses a walker and we have cameras throughout the condo. However, the neighbors continue to let us (and the nurse) know that they aren't comfortable with this arrangement. And especially, that my mother is left alone at night. (I check frequently and she is either doing a puzzle, watching TV or reading before putting herself to bed). One couple has already sent a letter to the head of the condo association. This arrangement has only been in place 1 week and so far, I think it's going as well as could be expected. However, I am concerned that one of these neighbors will call someone on my mother which will create a much more serious problem for us. We are looking into assisted living but it takes time to make that happen. The constant "advice" and expressions of concern are only making a very difficult situation more stressful and anxiety filled. Any advice on how to deal with the neighbors?
In the meanwhile I am not surprised her neighbors are worried. Were I to have a neighbor deemed so compromised that the gas was turned off, I would be concerned myself when she was alone. That is likely my "old nurse" persona kicking in. If you are annoyed I would inform them of your plans as you informed us and tell them that you appreciate their concern and are doing both what you feel is best for Mom. They have your phone number I must assume as they are bothering you on it.
The condo may well step in and speak with you. Once INFORMED of a concern they become thereby responsible under the law in some circumstances. I frankly think it would be negligent on their part once informed not to discuss the case directly with you.
I am sorry you are all going through this.
The answer to your question on this thread about the neighbors being ignored is:
YES. They should be ignored and so should their "concerns". I'd be willing to bet that the poster and her sister didn't discuss the safety measures they've taken for their mother, or the status of her homecare aide service, or any other arrangements they've made for their mother with them or the rest of the community. It being none of their business and all. This being said most of their "concern" is speculation and based on their opinion about the situation.
If these people were truly concerned, instead of calling APS and snitching to every nurse and social worker they see, these people would talk to poster and her sister. They would ask what they can do to help if they were truly concerned for the mother's welfare and safety. None of the neighbors are doing that though.
What's more likely going on is there's a lot of elderly "Karens" living in the mother's neighborhood who have nothing better to do with their time than watch who comes and goes from their neighbor's house and to voice their "concerns" to whoever will listen.
Next time you are in town introduce yourself to the immediate neighbors and pass out your name and phone number.
If they express concern mention that you have caregivers hired and are doing remote monitoring and that you just lost your Dad and Mom just lost her husband.
Your mom should not be left alone and especially not be spending nights alone. Anything can happen. It is not the neighbor's job to keep an eye on mom, though it is good that they are and report to you.
One of them could call APS and you and sis get in some trouble for not getting mom the care she needs. Decide who she is going to live closer to and get off your back sides and get mom the care she needs before something terrible happens.
A geriatric care manager or even A Place For Mom can help you. Just do something.
If you want an independent assessment, options include contacting APS yourselves, or speaking to a care manager. If you want to improve Condo relationships, letting all the neighbors know exactly what is going on would help (including that you are being contacted by X and Y with criticisms). If you want to stand by your own judgement, do just that. It might also help to find out (eg from Condo management?) how many neighbors are involved and what their past behavior has been like. Two neighbors with reputations as busy-bodies is a different issue from many concerns from sensible people.