Mom just turned 89. She lives by herself, with two cats. I go over for a couple hours daily. Today I put her favorite music on and it irritated her and told me to turn it off, her nerves were tightening up. She didn’t recognize it but after I told her who it was she still couldn’t stand it. She was very upset that she can’t even enjoy it anymore.
this is a red flag for you. Your mom is declining..it may be just a nibble here, but things will change.
So, make certain you cover the bases as your mom is aging. Be prepared for having all the medical and durable POA s , will, living will, bank accounts set up for POD ( payable on death). All passwords , social security/ Medicare info… anything that if your mom woke up tomorrow and is no longer capable. Make yourself aware of all Medicaid qualifications.
my mom all of a sudden did not want the tv on…
With all the issues your mom has it's probably no longer safe for her to be living by herself, even with you going over for a few hours every day. What about the other 22 hours or so that she's by herself? That should be more of a concern to you than the fact that she no longer likes her music.
It sounds like it's time to start looking for the appropriate facility for your mom where she can receive the 24/7 care she needs and can be around people her own age.
By the time we moved my mom in the house took her to a neurologist she was diagnosed stage 6 severe cognitive decline. Now, she is Stage 7 Severe. Between those two stages it was 2 years. When we reflect on the last 10 years all the signs of the disease were there, but my mom hid it well from us.
It sounds like your mom is in the early first stage of the disease. The only thing I recommend to you is enjoy your time with your mom because she will gradually change. Be sure you get a Power of Attorney now if there is not one. Please do not put that off like I did! Every person’s journey with the disease is different but the progression is all the same.
It is wonderful all the things you are doing for your mom!
I hope this helps you.
When dementia is at play, a person can easily forget they liked certain music, and suddenly find it irritating. Your mother can regress back in time to when she was 20, and not recognize you, because you weren't born yet. She can become afraid of you b/c you're a 'stranger' and get hysterical at your presence. Then what? You have to take action now to learn all you can about Alz/dementia and make plans to get in home help for mom or get her placed in Memory Care, before a bad accident happens, that's my suggestion.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Medication isn't always the answer for 'behaviors', either; it's more about how YOU respond to HIM that makes all the difference.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
She also has published a workbook entitled, “It Isn’t Common Sense: Interacting with People Who Have Memory Loss Due to Dementia.”
https://www.amazon.com/Isnt-Common-Sense-Interacting-Dementia/dp/1481995995/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468655&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-4
The 36 Hour Day is an excellent reference type of book you can pick up on Amazon; it will answer a lot of questions that will crop up.
Teepa Snow has excellent videos about caring for a dementia patient on YouTube. You can easily Google them.
You and mom are in for a long journey ahead and this is only the beginning. I went through it with my own mother who lived with dementia for at least 6 years before she passed away in February. She lived in Assisted Living for 7 years, and Memory Care AL for the last nearly 3 years of her life, thank God. She required a team of people to care for her 24/7 in the last years of her life, as it turned out, as her dementia became advanced and wreaked havoc with her physically, mentally and emotionally.
Wishing you the best of luck navigating this journey with mom.
She has dementia, first recognized 10 years ago, she was holding her own for several years then the shade came down that is when she lost her interest in most everything.
What was is no longer and will never be again. She can change overnight.
You were also given referrals to reading materials and online resources for help in learning about dementia. If that means you are in 'the wrong place', I'm not sure what kind of advice you were looking for, in addition to the 3 reasons you were given as to why your mother no longer likes to listen to music she once liked listening to.
"Putting" a person in a Memory Care ALF becomes necessary for many of us at a certain time and is not a punishment, but a fact of life for children dealing with their parents' dementia. It's a disease of progression, whether a psychologist tells you that or not. A Neurologist is the doctor to see, and/or a geriatric psychiatrist if the behaviors become difficult/aggressive, etc.
You are speaking with people who are or have walked the walk LC. And who can advise you accordingly, from first hand experience. You'd be wise to hear the advice you're being given, even if it is not applicable today. Tomorrow things can be entirely different with dementia, unfortunately. Sad but true.
Wishing you good luck.