My MIL passed away in October. We decided to delay a service due to COVID. She was cremated. We are planning a Celebration of Life ceremony in June - two states away in her hometown where most of our family and her old friends are.
We have decided to have it outside at a local park with a beautiful setting overlooking the river and her hometown.
I've never attended a Celebration Of Life, only traditional funeral services. So I'm not sure what all is expected...
We plan on having a short traditional service, a butterfly release, photos of her life for guests to view, a buffet catered for guests to eat and enjoy themselves.
Any other ideas or recommendations you've seen at a celebration of life ceremony that you liked?
The only other thing that I have seen, is everyone having a helium balloon that they've written a special message on to the departed one, and then everyone lets go of them at the same time, but since you're already doing a butterfly release, that might be overkill.
The best services I've been to are ones with assigned speakers. The worst are the "If anyone has something they'd like to say, come on up," because either
1) no one comes up (no one is comfortable with public speaking, or worse, didn't know the person well enough to feel like it's their place to speak)
2) People come up and can't stop talking (too many inside anecdotes no one can relate to -- "And then there was that time...ha ha, ho ho." No no.)
3) Too many people come up and there's seemingly no end in sight. ("Ed's story about when Eunice danced on the table reminded me of a time when we all got drunk one night, and...")
I have been to all three of these services. They're disorganized and excruciating to sit through. Awkward silences as no one speaks are as painful as when too many speak.
Select two, maybe three speakers at the most, and give each one 2-3 minutes to speak. No one will follow that, but it gives them an idea of how long they have. That amount of time works out to about two double-spaced typed pages.
Have one speak about the person's family life (they get more time if they want), one speaks about their career, if applicable, and one speaks about their community involvement, hobbies, or friendships. Since it'll be in Mom's hometown, perhaps one of her friends from the early days could speak about their growing up days, but ONLY if they're prepared, not speaking off the cuff.
Don't pressure someone to speak if they can't do public speaking comfortably. (Hand raised here.) I am terrible at public speaking, get teary, quavery, and become an unholy mess. It's pure nerves, not grief -- I just can't do it.
I had to give a eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, and I'm sure it was excruciating to watch as I stammered, and stuttered my way through it. I told my dad when he was dying that I knew he knew I loved him, but I wouldn't speak at his service. I wrote the eulogy, and my brother delivered it. Dad had seen the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, so he was good with that.
Just be sure folks feel comfortable, have plenty of seating, and have a reason to stay and reminisce together, and you'll have a nice event.
The only addition I can think of is music that is a reflection of her.
I don’t know if you are familiar of New Orleans and our culture. Music is a huge part of who we are.
This won’t apply in your situation and the majority of people here don’t have jazz funerals here.
Most have traditional services and burials. Still, we do have plenty of jazz funerals. (Not now with Covid)
I absolutely adore the spirit of our jazz funerals. There is usually a church service, then there is literally marching in the streets starting off with very somber music to signify grief.
Towards the end of the route, the music picks up and there is upbeat dancing and singing!
It’s really beautiful. It’s acceptance that the deceased person is happy and at peace with no more pain and suffering.
So many people come out for the jazz funerals. They are held for the everyday Joe, to the well known musician, to our famous chefs.
It truly ends up being a big party or ‘celebration of life’ in our streets.
If anyone wants to see it, look at a YouTube of Allen Toussaint funeral procession. He was a well loved local musician.
He owned the New Orleans Saints football team. His Mass was at St. Louis Cathedral. Then a second line throughout the streets.
Opening or gathering music or hymn. (soloist?) Some use a bagpiper.
Call to come together
Understanding that nothing lasts forever
Prayer of Joy/Sorrow
Eulogy (recap of person's life and impact on friends and family)
Remembrances of friends and family
Music or hymn
Psalm 23 (If appropriate)
Closing prayer and butterfly release
Closing music (postlude)and departure
Hope this helps.
You might want to have a "starting" point where cars can gather and do a "drive by" of some places that meant something to her. Her home then her school before getting to the park.
At the one for my great aunt, which was held on the Island where she lived most her adult life, I spoke up when the question was asked did anyone have anything to say. I told a short antidote about every year from about age 6-16 going to her house to bake a cake for my grandmother.
Afterwards her daughters came up to be and thanked me for telling the story. None of them knew of this tradition we had.
We are fortunate that the cemetery where the service is going to be held is on the old family farm so we are able to have a tent set up there for the luncheon afterward. My mom loved opera and my dad loved jazz. I'm trying to line up one or two people who could sing one song of each type and maybe one together. I don't know - opera and jazz?? Anyone have a suggestion for a song that would work together?
African Violets were one of my mom's favorite plants and my plan is to have many pots of those so anyone who'd like to take one as a remembrance, will be able to. We did a virtual service for the immediate family in January and had a slide show with lots of old pictures - I'm trying to figure out a way we can show that but that's a maybe at this point. I'll leave that to the electrical engineer to figure out how to get power up there!
Good luck to you, I hope your service turns out well.
Sorry for your loss, you will miss her. Remember the good times.
God bless. All you have plZnned sounds delightful.
You might ask them, a bit before the service so they have time to think, "What was she like as a young person, a neighbor, a sister, a co-worker ... whatever you know might generate some good memories on the part of those who knew her. Don't give them so much time ahead that they think they must "prepare" some remarks or give a "speech". You want them to be brief and as spontaneous as possible. When they have shared their memories, ask others who are present if they remember anything they would like to share.
Often this part of the service is quite healing. There may be some tears. Usually there is laughter. This brings people together in their shared experiences, memories and expressions of love for the departed.
- A montage
- Hymns
- Musical accompaniment
- Soloist(s)
- Eulogies
- Option for attendees to share memories
I have given my family instructions for my "celebration" and I hope and pray they follow them. I am to be cremated and my ashes held until the bluebonnets bloom south of us and I wish my ashes scattered in a field of my favorite flowers. While doing that, I want some nice, loud, 60's or 70's rock blasting. Something from ZZ Top, Queen or Abba.
They are to then reserve an area at a favorite restaurant and all of them have dinner and enjoy remembering all the great times we had. No tears, just laughter and happiness that I am no longer in pain 24/7.
You are doing a beautiful thing to honor your MIL.