I am at the point where I need to bring caregivers into our home to care for DH with Lewy Body Disease. I'm not worried about the hiring process, but I am distressed about the thought of having someone else underfoot. Anyone have thoughts on this? Blessings, Jamie
For my very elderly Dad, I hired caregivers from a national firm. The Rep came to the house to interview me and my Dad, and in turn I was interviewing her. She asked a lot of good questions, and asked me to show her the house. She was concerned about the stairs since my Dad was a fall risk.
The first couple of caregivers were very good but not quite a good match. The 3rd one was a winner. So I asked the firm if they could schedule her, if available. She was with my Dad for over a year. They had a lot in common in their childhood, and had the same crazy sense of humor. Dad had another caregiver for the weekend, another excellent match, so also was with him for year :)
Dad also had overnight caregivers, and these were women who did only overnight shifts, so they stayed awake during the whole night. If they heard Dad get up, they would go to his room to help him to the bathroom.
Now I didn't live with my Dad, so I let the caregivers do their work how ever they wanted. They had to prepare meals for my Dad. One was pretty much TV dinner style, which was ok with me, and Dad didn't complain. The weekend caregiver loved to cook so she would bring left overs from home which Dad really enjoyed, plus home made cookies.
Find a caregiver who is good with your husband, and someone you feel you can talk to like a friend. In fact, after you are comfortable with the person, it will be your time to do things you want to do. Don't become a helicopter spouse.
By starting off with a very well defined business relationship, you and they will function much better. Most difficulties come from mismatched expectations...yours and theirs. Take the time to think through all the things you want the caregiver to do and write it all down.
That said with her move to memory care I continue to have caregivers with her and while we have a couple of steady ones it is very difficult to get consistency for a 4 hour shift in the afternoon and folks with dementia require a caregiver with a special skill set - the agency can't send just anyone
Come back and let us know how it goes
Being patient with the process--it's a new person in the house, in your DH's life, but there to help the WHOLE family. I was lucky, I guess, my client loved me and I loved her from day one. We are the same religion (that was VERY important, in our situation) I was not a "kid", I spoke English (that seems mildly racist, but my client with Parkinson's was hard at times to understand, so I had to be able to "know" what she was saying.) I was respectful of my place in the home, and gradually, just became one of the family. Most of my time with her was cleaning her "suite", laundry, running errands, sometimes cooking, as she loved to do it and could no longer be safely around the oven. I was, in essence, her arms and legs. Her family accepted me gratefully and now that I am in the same position with my own mother, I REALIZE how much of a burden I took from them. Mom was cared for, she was happy, and not bugging them 24/7 for little things--and then they were able to have quality time with her and not feel angry and overwhelmed.
As for having a place to sit and relax myself--I don't think I EVER sat down during the day. I never had a break, I never had lunch...I ran from 9 am to 4 pm. While that may not have been "right" it's what worked for us.
Every situation is different. You must be flexible, the caregiver must be a good match. Be patient with them as they come to know your DH. Trust them. If you
'hover' over them, they will feel uncomfortable. You MUST have a certain level of trust, and that may take a little while to achieve. Hopefully, you will find a good match for your family and you will rest a little and enjoy some personal time.
When I was with my client, I rarely even saw the "family". It WAS a huge house, and all, but once I showed up for work, daughter was GONE and we had the house to ourselves.
At the beginning when I had a caregiver for my Dad, I wasn't thinking about Dad per say, and I was ready to ask the Agency to send someone else.... until I asked my Dad who was his favorite caregiver and why. That changed my mind, as Dad said he was always happy to see her when it was time to get up in the morning, he liked her personality and couldn't wait to enjoy his day.
"Do we need to have a caregiver at Thanksgiving table?"
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I'd recommend going through a home care agency because they can handle the liability issues if a situation occurs.
If you have any further questions, contact me at your earliest convenience or follow me. I'd be more than happy to help you.
With all due respect, had my clients family micromanaged and helicoptered ME, I would have quit. Yes, I expected that they would watch me and want to know what was going on...that's why we HAD to keep meticulous records of every day we worked, what we did, where we went, if she spent money, etc., I was to account for all that. A member of the family signed off on each day's work. Any disagreements were dealt with swiftly and maturely. I know that some people have had bad experiences with caregivers, but that is why you go with a reputable agency and remain in contact with the aide and keep communicating.
Maybe my experiences were not the norm. I like to think they were. You don't want a caregiver to feel like they're being watched and judged all day--you cannot do a good job if you feel you're under a microscope.
Just my opinion.
Good luck!!
Jamie
Friends told him to install cameras, which he did, and he told the caregiver about the cameras. He mainly wanted to see how his wife was doing. After a week the caregiver quit, as the cameras were very unnerving to her as they were real-time where he could watch from his computer.
Trying to find new caregivers who his wife would bond with was next to impossible. She was in her final stage and very much needed routine. He tried to get the other caregiver back, but she had moved on to a new client. He wished he never listened to his friends.
I work as a healthcare provider for 27 years, and in homes for about 10 years, I never had problems with cameras. I always thought to myself, "If this was me or my parent, I would want my family to take every precaution to make sure no one is secretly abusing me!" Sorry the caretaker left, it just makes me wonder why?