My husband will probably die from pancreatic cancer within a year. He's already survived for more than 3.5 years which is quite long for this cancer. Now it's recurred and his chances aren't so good. It's true we never know, but this time feels very different. My gut tells me he won't beat it this time.
He takes his anger out on me which makes me angry at him. This may make it easier for me to let him go, but it's wrong for him to be verbally abusive and I resent it. I deserve to be treated better than this. I don't want to abandon him in these last stages of sickness because I've decided to stick to my marriage vows long before now.
I guess I'll have to walk out of the room or wherever I am more often and leave him wherever he is when he gets abusive. It's just harder when he's not well. I'll need to carry taxi money just in case as I have for years. What a story he'll tell if I have to leave him somewhere public!
Sometimes I feel like I'm falling and there's nothing below to catch me. A very frightening feeling. That's the feeling of the unknown...for me the unknown is having my spouse of 42 years die. Coping with the changes, with life after the changes. There will be some good freedoms and some bad times of missing the good things. I'll lean heavily on the Lord and others. It's a very good thing I already have an excellent counselor. I'm going to need her. I'm going to need a lot of people in so many ways. How about you?
Very good advice. I've done this before, but I tend to get snagged by wanting to finish what I'm doing or he hits a hot button issue and I respond back...and you see that I don't always do what you recommend.
Often I don't want to leave because I'm the one being punished by losing doing what I'm doing and he wins by "sending me away" out of the room. He's devious that way. So I've left the room and I was doing something there that I now have lost the privilege of doing. And he stays and gets to do what he wants without me there to defer to. If I'm in the middle of a project it's often hard to leave it and just go...I'm the one being punished. That's often the case.
I do get your point. I have become much stronger with this problem. I've had to distance myself so that his insults don't hurt as much because he's very cagey about trying to snag guilt and manipulate me. I think he could do it in his sleep because it's so ingrained. I can't let him control me. Thank you for your advice.
Yes, you are right, I just have to keep working at it.
The only definitive test for pan. cancer would be a CAT scan with radioactive dye and no Dr. would want to order this based on an unlikely chance that someone might have the cancer. No insurance company would foot the bill, either. Your nephew's test will be a welcome addition to the tools in the medical world's arsenal.
However, he can and has invented many super things, but the stumbling block is the EXORBITANT clinical trials needed before his genius ideas can be marketed.