My mother passed on March 15th late at night. I had visited her the day before, but did not visit the day she passed. I thought she had some time left, so I wasn't there when she passed. It was a closed casket gravesite burial, so I never saw the body. The funeral home did not take a picture of her prior to burial. So I have these crazy thoughts like, did she really die? Maybe she is in the nursing home alive and well! Has anybody encountered these thoughts before? I guess I am having a hard time accepting she has passed and hope that maybe she is still alive. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks!
For about two years after my father died I would stop at a display of jigsaw puzzles and wonder which one Dad would like. Last week some seasonal window clings caught my eye, for my mother's NH window. She died several months ago. I quickly realize my mistake and smile to myself. The habit of thinking of loved ones lasts a long time. I don't think it means we are in denial about their death.
Mom passed a year ago at 101. I had been to visit her in the NH around 3pm and left about 5. She wasn't conscious and I knew she was dying (had been for a few weeks) but not certain how long it would be. I received a call at 3am that next morning telling me she had passed. (My sister and I still feel guilty because we were not there with her at the end, even though she was not conscious. I have night vision issues and lived too far to drive in the dark but Sis would have gone, had they called us sooner to let us know.)
No one in my family wants a viewing or open casket funeral even though its purpose is to give "closure" and a final good-bye. The memory of that last week still haunts me and neither Sis nor I (or family) wanted to remember her in a coffin (She was very vain about her appearance and we knew she would not have wanted anyone to see her. She chose a closed casket for my father 40 years ago) We had a cremation and memorial.
Maybe your thoughts of your Mom still being alive are from regret that you were not there at her passing and you are still in a period of mourning. Its human nature to not want to accept a loved one is really gone. I sometimes wake in the morning and think for a moment that Mom is still with us. Just know she is in heaven and she loved you and she knew you loved her and still do.
I did view my father's body before it was cremated, many years ago. I don't think viewing or not viewing made any difference in my mourning. But that may not be true for everyone!
I had a dream about a friend and colleague who died two years ago, last week. The dream was so real that I almost called her widow to tell him, but, I wasn't sure if that was proper and didn't. I do think that on some level the spirit of a loved one is always there and will greet us one day. JMO.
I have had dreams about people that I know are dead, but, in the dreams they are so much alive and real. Who's to say what we encounter in our dreams. Maybe, it's another dimension. I just try to take solace that things are good when this happens and that they are looking down on me or sending me good thoughts.
I think it is very normal It is just that you cannot get your heart and mind around the fact that she is gone from this world. (((((((hugs))))))
I think you mentioned that a mix-up happened before and I could see how that would happen with paperwork, or a phone call, but with something like this, the staff would hopefully take extra time and care to make sure. There is more than just the nursing home involved. The person who comes to transfer the person has a protocol they have to follow too, so hopefully they would check and double check.
Honestly, though, I totally understand how those thoughts would be overwhelming. Were you at the facility after to talk to staff or to clean up her things? If so, you can trust your impression at the time. Or is there a shift where you were more familiar with one of the staff? Could you just "stop in" for a visit and mention to them you are having a hard time. I'm sure they would be ok with you walking past the room. People have all different ways of handling grief and I think they would understand that.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Moms are the best and my heart aches for you. Your mom sounds like a really special person, and it sounds like you two were good to each other, and like she knew you loved her a lot.
It has only been a short time, and you are dealing with a lot. Try to go easy on yourself.