Mom has obsession with doctors. She constantly "must go see xyz doctor" for something or another. I can't tell you how many different doctors she has. She's so disappointed when doctor says to followup in 3 or 6 months. She finds reasons to go see a doctor, even of we just saw that doctor. It's been exhausting taking her to all these appointments. She's a hypochondriac too. She reads health news and reports from various newsletters. Whatever new illness there is, she thinks she has it, i.e., coronavirus or the latest dysfunctional disease. I took over scheduling everything for her because she was creating chaos in my household (Mom lives with us now). When I try to explain what the doctor told her was going on, i.e., coughing is due to a combination of less lung capacity, hietal a hernia and brain stem strokes, she refuses to accept it and wants me to take her back to the doctor or a different doctor. I've gotten where I just nod my head, but do nothing. I do monitor her vitals and work with the HH nurses to make sure she's ok.
I have her seeing a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety adjustment disorder (stroke related), but this obsession with doctors has been going on for decades. It occurred to me that she may see doctors as "parent" type primary caregivers since she contracted Polio at 18 mos old and spent about 3 years living in a hospital at such an early age. I don't sit in on the psych visits, but I can write notes to the doctor. I feel like I need to write the psych doctor about this obsession.
She doesn't have regular t.v. in her room, but she has the internet. I try to clean out her email and unsubscribe from websites, but it's a monumental task to catch these electronic infomercials. One gets through, she clicks on it and it starts up again. When I sit at her computer, she wants to know what I'm doing. So, I don't know when I'd be able review her browser history and block sites. I access her email from my own computer; so, that helps.
It doesn't help that she has kept every medical piece of paper (insurance, doctor, newsletter, pamphlet, etc.) and has files from the past 5 decades. So, even with screening the mail, she has enough to sift through and get worked up. The HH nurse told Mom that she's not allowed to work on her papers more than 2 hours a day. I hugged her as she left that day.
No money for facility either, plus I couldn't do that to her or myself right now.
She has all kinds of reasons to be REALLY anxious/depressed, and hopefully YOU will feel better if you are able to adopt a proactive stance towards at least THAT aspect of her life.
Also important, her psychiatrist needs to know how tumultuous her life has always been PLUS her current life events. Your insights about her relationship to care by non-parental figures seems pretty reasonable, and at her age she may be experiencing some degree of cognitive loss as well.
Take good care- you sound like you have a mountain of responsibility. You deserve plenty of TLC yourself, as well as what you’re able to extend to Mom.