Mother is 84. Owns two homes. I have been hesitant to move her into my house. I have lived the last 10+ years dealing with the behaviors associated with depression , dementia, and bipolar disease. Accusations, theft, medication abuse, manipulation make it difficult for me to enjoy my time with my mother. I have so much guilt because she lives alone and is lonely but she uses her loneliness and depression every day. I am 52 and work full time. My husband is a dear to her and helps her unconditionally 24/7 all the while she bad mouths him behind his back. She wants us to sell our homes and buy one that has mother in law room or where we all can live together. I just can’t see my husband or I being happy. My sister lives on the east coast and offers no help. Has only visited 2 or 3 times in 25 years. She is a vulture and is waiting for inheritance.
Your separate living arrangments with your mom is your only buffer. She has her house, you have yours. If your mom moves in with you and your husband that buffer is gone and all of the behaviors you listed will become part of your everyday life. Don't do it.
Then you get to deal with a magnitude of phone calls because they send out your information to tons of facilities that now want to sell you a facility that your loved one can't afford.
I found them scuzzy.
If you don't want the life of a full time caretaker for you or your husband, don't move her in with you and don't let her make you feel guilty about it. It's that simple. If she moves in with you, she will continue to bad mouth your husband, make accusations, and generally make your life a living hell. As long as her needs are met and you can visit and be her daughter, rather than her caretaker, a memory care or assisted living is your best option.
That said.....please keep your sanity and your boundaries. I wish my parents would be open to the suggestion. As we are well aware, things do not get better as they age, and to keep them at home is difficult. AL is for piece of mind and for your own well being. Best of luck.
Besides, you get harassed with phone calls from all the facilities, it seems never ending. They still call me! I don’t answer anymore. There is no such thing as a free service.
Do yourself a favor don't have mom live with you and don't call "A place for mom." They are not what they appear to be!
Since mom is ready to go, go fast and don't be surprised if she changes her mind. Spend that inheritance on mom's care.
Also, time to get all of mom's documents in order if they are not already.
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