I was raised by my grandparents. They were my parents. After my grandpa passed away I moved in with my grandma who has dementia because I didn't want my aunt to put her in a nursing home, and she threatened that all the time. A while after living with grandma my aunt came over, told my grandma to get ready (my grandma looked so excited thinking she was being taken out somewhere by here daughter)and they returned about 30 minutes later. When my aunt entered the house she had a paper held up and said "I have irrevocable power of attorney". I didn't say anything because I really didn't understand at that time what was going on. I was very uneducated on POA. Well, after 3 years of caring for (I will forever thank God for that time!) my grandma my aunt put my grandma in a nursing home, immediately put a 3 day eviction notice on the door to evict me, she started moving stuff out of the house, told everyone I'm a mooch who just needs to go, and just became hateful and controlling like I had never seen before. Well, at the house I started demanding she follow the landlord tenant act in KS since she filed with the court to evict me stating she is my landlord, the police Got called when I denied her entry after court. Cops said she has to stay away until I'm gone. (We came to an agreement in court.) She was so mad when I questioned her about seeing the POA and asked if my grandma was still legally competent or not, and dealing with the police that she put password on my grandma and now my children and I (the only people who were around for years!)can't see here anymore. It's killing me. I'm angry. I'm depressed. Sad. Just a bunch of emotions that make me physically sick. She is the last person on the earth (besides my children) that is my family. In 3 years I never left her side for more than an hour or so a week. My aunt has also closed accounts my grandpa set up for me and my sister. It's not fair. But I don't have any fight in me except the fight to see my grandma. I'm typing this on my Phone so im sorry if it is poorly written. I hope someone can tell me how to see my grandma again. Thanks everyone.
Do you know which facility your grandmother is in? Was your grandmother suffering from dementia when your aunt got the POA?
It's my understanding that POA aren't irrevocable. Maybe the irrevocability was a special request
But your grandmother would as principal have to sign any POA granting anyone authority. Did she? Or did she sign and not realize what she signed?
I'm glad you didn't allow your aunt to evict you with only 3 days' notice.
I do think though that you need to see an attorney to determine if an Irrevocable POA is legal in Kansas, and to contact the aunt in writing demanding that a copy be made available to you. An elder law attorney would be femiliar with Kansas law to know what other rights you would have as a relative.
There is more to this story.
As to what you can do to see your gram again, the answer is to make some sort of peace with her daughter. It may be unfortunate in this case, but "daughter" trumps "granddaughter". And a power of attorney trumps all.
I don't like the sound of how your aunt obtained her POA. On the other hand, if you've already been to court, presumably its validity has been tested and confirmed, yes?
If your aunt were after your grandmother's assets, and had simply been hell-bent on getting you out of the way, it doesn't make sense that she left you in comparative peace for three years before making your grandmother move to an expensive NH.
I'd love to help, I'm so sorry for how you feel, but I can't say anything when I don't really understand what's going on.
Has there also been an monetary advantage to you other than what would be considered normal compensation for the care you have been providing?
Pam Stegman are you awake yet this morning? What is your take on this?
Hm. I'm afraid your aunt has bullied you. That doesn't make her a bad person, just an impatient one who can't be bothered to deal respectfully with a 'child' who's in her way. But it's not okay for her to separate your grandmother from people your grandmother wants to see, and that is worth arguing about.
Don't blame yourself for not knowing about POAs beforehand. Why would you? Nobody does, until they find out. I certainly didn't and it landed heavily on my toes.
Well, I don't know, I don't want to encourage you to go on some wild goose chase; but that POA set-up sounds well dodgy to me. And IF it was, then it's not valid. And then the cat is right among the pigeons. Or geese.
The thing is, if your aunt is also nervous that the POA won't bear close scrutiny, that would explain why she doesn't want you to see it. What's harder to explain is why she wouldn't wave under your nose a document that confirmed that she has the authority to prevent contact with your grandmother.
As for the NH: she who pays the piper calls the tune. Your aunt pays the bills. Moreover, the staff at the NH are always going to be on thin ice if they go against a POA's instructions, and what's in it for them to do so? They're not being intentionally mean to you or cruel to your grandmother, they're just taking the line of least resistance.
I should have thought you could be classified as a person with a legitimate interest in verifying the POA documents, but I have no idea what the regulations are in the US. If I were you, I'd consult an elder care attorney and take advice. Be very careful not to choose one who likes to pick fights. Maybe you could call the place where you used to work and ask if they can recommend someone cautious and responsible?
Hm. I'm still not sure I've got the story straight, though. Ok, so your aunt is mad at you for unconnected reasons: I don't need to know what they are; if they're private, that's fine. But it isn't clear to me, no matter how cross with you she is, why she would decide it is in your grandmother's best interests not to see you - why she would be prepared to take her anger with you out on her mother, in other words. I think there must be more to it. You don't have to post it if you're not comfortable, but any lawyer you speak to will need to know the whole story.