Are other states experiencing this?

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Are other states experiencing this?

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In Arizona we have had 2 caregivers kill the person they were caring for in the last 2 weeks. Both cases were the seniors' offspring. Is this overwhelming desperation happening in other areas? Just curious because we have a very large senior population with many instances of issues with caregivers.

Elder Abuse Family Caregiver Mental Health

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I read the local news in my town located in Vermont daily reported by real people who live in my town and report everything from car accidents, road work, drug arrests, etc. and I never read about anything like this happening but then again, it could have happened.

We don't have a large population where I live and the people here are very involved with seniors and their well-being (there are caregiver meetings as well). But not every town in Vermont is the same.

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Isthisrealyreal: Thank you! So what I witnessed is a receptionist screaming at an elder who was asking about her medication and where to get it. The receptionist SCREAMED - "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO!" I thought - now miss receptionist, you already know that most of the patients at your retinologist's office are going to be an elder; treat them with some compassion. The poor elderly lady could barely walk up to the desk and I thought to myself "I'll be her advocate."

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She should have been FIRED on the spot.

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There is yet another reason why the problem of caretaker burnout may increase, and that is that the birth rate is in drastic decline. This means there will be fewer family members, and fewer people period, taking care of an increasing number of elderly. In the past, people had larger families and there were more people to share the burden of taking care of elderly relatives. In addition, people did not live as long as they do these days and they didn't live as long with so many chronic illnesses, so this will not be something that will be easy to deal with.

As the great economist Thomas Sowell says, "There are no solutions; only tradeoffs."

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Immigrants! WE need them and they need us. What on earth is this "racial purity" nonsense about??

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Unfortunately it happens here but is usually not reported unless it’s needed to create fear or outrage. Political agendas, and economic too as the tourist $ are wanted and needed. It’s often spun as a random occurrence due to mental health issues such as the person that committed the crime went to a p-doc for anxiety/depression some time in the past and was diagnosed.

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Good point.

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Arkansas woman died a week after her caretaker allegedly beat and severely bit her all over her body. This is from a headline here. The caregiver was not a family member. Scary!

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Bit her?!!

omg that is creepy

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Interesting discussion.

Public perceptions about crime often don’t align with the data. News about caregivers murdering their loved ones catches your attention because you are a caregiver. It's like spotting your car on the highway - you are more aware of that which is familiar.

That said, life has been getting harder for many Americans, which is why suicide rates are up. Murder rates are down but I'm sure a certain percentage of deaths 25 years ago were in fact "mercy killings" but the state couldn't prove it. Most violent crime is committed by an intimate and not by a stranger, but again, violent crime rates are lower than they were 25 years ago.

Ageism is a thing, but it's not a known trigger for murder. More Americans are living longer and in worse health. Caregivers are burning out but many are afraid to stop out of fear of being accused and convicted of abandonment. The result is people like Gershun's niece who commit suicide or the caregiver dying prematurely.

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In no way shape or form is killing someone the right thing to do. On this side of my brain I understand how a caregiver can lose it... When my mother becomes combative and obnoxious, especially when I am trying to dry her or get her to move to a position on the bed so she doesn't fall, she can't move but she fights. I don't get it. I've told her that if she hits her me again, I am going to defend myself. So unnecessary for that to happen in my mind. I feel bad for feeling that way and I've snapped and cursed at her. Never thought all if my life that I would address my mother that way. I usually get in my car and drive around until I resolve myself. She's safer in the house alone than with an abusive caretaker when it's her daughter.
I am praying 🙏 for me and all the rest of us who are emotionally burned out and want out. Looking for a place for Mom to be cared. She's bed ridden and I can't handle her; like to move her to bathe or for toiletting, sit her up in bed, etc. Sadly I am realizing more and more that I just don't want to do this job anymore. How dare I. After all, I am getting old too and hope that someone would look out for me too...

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Psalms23, please do not feel bad that it is now time for a village to care for your mom.

Loving someone includes making the really difficult decisions, the really unpopular choices and putting their needs above their wants.

Praise God that you have a way to defuse yourself. Knee jerk reactions can be hard to deal with later on, I'm talking about being physical with a bedridden old lady, not blowing steam at a combative belligerent patient. No excuses but if you don't leak (vent) you blow. I always think of a pressure cooker when I start feeling it's to much. So you blow a little hot steam, better than blowing your lid and taking someone's head off.

Best of luck finding the perfect fit for your mom.

Forgiving yourself is important as in accepting the forgiveness He gives. Hugs!

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I think that this problem is going to rachet up in the future. We hear of elders in Baltimore being a victim of crimes - BUT that's not just happening in the larger cities, but rural cities, too. The elder population is targeted for crimes. Very appalling. I witnessed it first hand in my late mother's retinologist's office and SPOKE UP ABOUT IT IMMEDIATELY!

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Good for you! Change happens when people speak out.

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No support for caregivers.

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This is very sad and very wrong. But here are two obvious reasons. In some cases, the caretakers are people who should NOT be caretakers. They do it for money or greed or hoping to get something from the patient. I saw this, had to help someone as a result and ended up taking care of her for 28 years. So there are evil caretakers out there and we don't always know it. But, on the other hand, caretakers are humans like us. While I can't speak for all caretakers, sometimes their patients are so horribly obnoxious in behavior for mental or physical reasons and nothing helps that sometimes caretakers can snap and retaliate. Unfortunately, this can and does happen.

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Wouldn't it be great if there was an aptitude test for caregivers.

Then the ones that feel obligated and guilted can say, sorry my test reveals that I am not caregiver material. I could potentially be the end of you, so we need a different solution.

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No not in Pa. There are millions of seniors and millions of people. 2 incidents is too many of course, but it isnt the norm.

Maybe there should be more support for caregivers. The stress can be unbearable.

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Unfortunately, this is happening in every state in America. Elder abuse, neglect, financial exploitation is rapidly becoming the silent crime of the 21st century and one of the biggest reasons is AGEISM.

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Very true. I think social media has also played a role. Strangers are able to get far to much information about vulnerable people when well meaning family members post about their trip to Vegas to see their widowed grandmother or???

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Why would you assume the motivation of the killers? There are many reasons people kill and it's usually out of some evil motive such as greed. As another person commented here, the vast majority of caregivers, in spite of the stress and problems they face, never hurt the person in their care. If someone is feeling that angry and desperate, he or she should find another way out.

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Yes, they should find another way out, i totally agree.

No assumption about motive other than the caregiver killed. Obvious one or both people desperate in these situations that ended horribly. I agree that someone has to have evil to murder, no matter the who, what, where or why. Something in us tells us to take another life is going far to far.

I was curious because I think the media doesn't report about crimes until they are well in the epidemic range.

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I wonder if there is any state that is nicer for old people in this country? Someone always seems to be after the vulnerable in our society and it frightens me. Not having family I worry about what is down the road someday, but then I see some of these incidents are family members commiting the theft, or worse.

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Here in northeast Ohio it's not uncommon to read these stories. More often it is about outside caregivers or even family stealing from and defrauding the helpless dementia/ALZ individuals

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That is truly unfortunate. I have personal experience with my dad being defrauded and it is tragic that we can't help him because he has his rights.

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Bad economy, lack of support, people losing their jobs and everything is so expensive..and the cost of care is exorbitant.

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People usually put their loved one with end-stage Alzheimer's disease on hospice, even as early as when they start forgetting how to eat. At that point hospice can withhold food and water and just give them morphine and ativan and in about 2 weeks they die legally. Hospice will even fire you if you want to put a feeding tube in them it is so discouraged. Let me assure you death panels DO exist.

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I think you are very wrong about Hospice. I have worked both as a nurse and a volunteer for different hospices! I have NEVER seen what you described done to any hospice client! True there are no tube feedings as prolonging misery is not a hospice goal, but the patients are not starved or refused care & comfort.

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I do not everyone’s problem but I think the murders might be from a caregiver’s anger reaction to agitation and physical fight of the Alzheimer’s patient. The caregiver should not have been one,

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You are right - they should not have been a caregiver, but what else can so many people do? What options are available? A young woman pushed into caregiving an elderly and very sick great aunt actually found herself on trial for abuse, neglect, etc. The great aunt was not demented, refused to go into a nursing home and the family was coping the best they could. Families need some legal protection from the demands of an elder, IMO. I suppose you could just walk away, but most people would be torn by guilt and it is not really fair to heap these burdens on decent people.

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I wonder if it has anything to do with the weather - here in Mississippi, it has been extremely hot and humid - tempers get short with bad weather.

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I don't think these were, we have been having wonderful weather, but I know what you mean, during monsoon when it's 105° and 95% humidity lots of short tempers here.

We have been unseasonably cool, which means down in the 80s but no humidity.

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We had a murder-suicide in my town about 20 years ago...elderly man with dementia was the sole caregiver for his wife with terminal cancer. He shot his wife and then himself. He left a long, rambling note that essentially said his wife asked him to do it because she didn't want to suffer anymore. I don't know if they had other family that could have stepped in but it was a heartbreaking story.

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He had enough

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My sister, brother, and I have been taking care of our mom for a couple of years now. Mostly sis and me because brother still works but he does what he can. We were checking on her morning and night and making sure she had her breakfast, meds, and supper. Recently she fell so now we are doing round the clock care. We do have a bit of help but still, after only 3 weeks, I am exhausted. I feel like she's probably not as much trouble as a lot of seniors. She does't ask for much and she just watches tv all day but still the sitting and keeping things straight, fixing a little to eat, etc. have completely worn me out already. What am I going to do in a few more weeks? Luckily, we did put mom's house in a trust so if she has to go to the NH we should be okay. I empathize with you and until I found this site I had no idea what care givers went through and then to do it myself! Truthfully, I am amazed that anyone can do this for years on end. I often thought about the people who work at NH and how hard they work. I suppose a big difference for them is that they are not emotionally attached to the ones they care for. I don't know what we'll all do but I just pray that God will give us the strength to do it.

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Amen. God's strength 🙏 is the only one that is strong enough to make it...

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It's a sobering thought, but I wonder if the second case would have received so much attention if it hadn't happened so soon after the first.

It's surprisingly difficult to categorise and then to analyse the information. But in 2017 there were 369 recorded murders* (murders specifically, not including manslaughter or other types of homicide) in Arizona. Of those eight victims were over the age of 75, five men and three women. Bearing in mind that these were murders, and therefore not the result of negligence or accident, you have to conclude that - although thank God you still wouldn't call this common - it's a tragic theme in society that persists in the background whether or not the media are paying attention.

Nineteen people (age not specified) were murdered by their son or daughter.

Seven victims were aged from one to four years. I wish I hadn't looked at that bit.

I can think of at least three murders of vulnerable elders here in the UK in the last year or two without even pausing to look it up; and I'm pretty sure that if I were to look I'd find a lot more.

Unfortunately, what rarely gets reported is a detailed history of exactly what happened and how the people involved came to such a sad outcome. Headlines tend to be more about outrage than about learning, because that's what sells. Then people stop paying attention and move on to the next story.

*http://www.azdps.gov/sites/default/files/media/FINAL_Crime_in_Arizona_2017.pdf

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What you didn't see in the 2017 was that number has increased. There was a woman that is going through trial right now for starving her 3 year old son to death.

Animals don't even do the horrendous things that humans do to one another.

Sad state for the human race.

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I am sorry to hear this as I really love Arizona and it's beautiful scenery. It is one of my "happy places". I am currently in the Midwest. That said, I have read these things unfortunately happen from time to time in other states too. It would be interesting to see some type of compilation of where these crimes occur most. This is an awful thing. There really needs to be more caregiver support! It seems like there is not enough support, one often feels like one has fallen off the back of a boat, the boat and happy conga line sail on, and we are left treading water and feeling abandoned. This should never lead to violence and indicates more support for burnt out caregivers is needed.

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I think it is as safe as any other place in the world.

Arizona does have a multitude of different climates and environments that create a diverse and beautiful state.

Keep coming, we need the sane ones so we can out number the beasts

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I hear of this occasionally, or of a spouse committing suicide while being the sole caretaker. Most recently I heard about a mother who had cancer for the 2nd time (maybe terminal then). She was the caretaker for her adult daughter who was handicapped. She killed her daughter because she couldn’t take care of her & didn’t want her put in a home.
I’d have a hard time convicting these people if I were on the jury.

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I agree, desperation is hard to convict.

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I've never heard of it in New Jersey--doesn't mean it hasn't happened, just that I've not heard of it. Does anyone know the motive? I mean was it money, or were they burned out or a combination of the two?

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No motives released yet, but the lady turned herself in, I'm thinking she was just burned out, the guy ran and kidnapped a woman on the way out, who knows with that.

I just know that the grandma that killed her grandsons was definitely burned out, her friends said she was in over her head and worn to a frazzle. Gut wrenching to feel like that is the only solution.

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I only know of one case in my state, but that was about a year ago. Now, you've got me wondering.

Something to think about.

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Last month we had a grandma (52 I believe) shoot and kill her twin 8 year old grandsons.

Their mom had died and she became their guardian, non-verbal autistic children and her friends said that she was overwhelmed with caring for these young boys. I can't even imagine, twins are little gangsters anyway, then to have the challenges these poor boys had.

Does anyone know what happens if you tell your case worker that you are all used up and can't do it anymore?

Before anyone gets mad, I in no way endorse harming anyone who you have been intrusted to care for, actually I think violence is a really poor solution to anything. So for those of you that have said I don't care about others, keep it to yourself please. I am hoping that as caregivers we can be the change we would like to see. That takes hard conversations and bad guys from my experience, because someone needs to stand up and say enough mr. and ms. politician, your bs rhetoric is not helpful and you need to see the reality, not polling numbers.

Maybe my kids or grandkids will have options we don't.

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Yes, I told my Hospice social worker that I was used up, three times. Her response was always with a patronizing voice: "I didn't know that, I am so very sorry." And then she stops phoning me with Dad's updates each time for weeks (I never ask her to stop phoning, and explicity tell her I need 1x/week updates and referrals). So I then request via text she please resume giving me 5-10 minutes/week. She then claims she never stopped phoning (a lie). So I'm royally gaslit.

I share with her via text that I feel gaslit. She texts back they haven't forgotten about me, and "Don't worry about your father, you have your hands full." I ask the social worker what their stated objective of "family support" actually means. She answers she's there for me. She has never been! This caseworker is no help whatsoever. I get my update feeds from a way-overworked and saintly daytime caregiver. The hospice revolving doors RN's are no different. Hospice RN and SW caseloads are actually magically like my caregiving "caseload" (see below, includes volunteers, contractors, neighbors, personnel smoothing) -- 14 people. They can't walk away because their livlihood depends on a certain "look."

The following paragraphs are just a riff-rant, no need to read because you all know it. The above paragraph is just my answer to the caseworker question.

Dad is bedridden and alone overnight. As I tune into Dad's remote cams at night (doesn't qualify for skilled nursing/Medicaid I've taken loan to cover home care) -- he looks like a corpse, skeletal, worse every day/week. His evening VA caregivers are surly and minimalistic. Hospice Social Worker claims he looks wonderful, great, amazing, he's 50 again (he's 98, wasting), and that hospice has no responsibility to train or quality check the early evening caregivers or visit during 10 p.m.-9:30 a.m. unless there is oxygen-type distress. I am a silently angry dead robot because I don't want to alienate hospice or do violence and I don't want to deal with getting another hospice and deal with yet another cycle of staffing changes and coordination. I count 14 regular caregiving contacts for my Dad, all to keep this house of cards rolling. I have lymphoma, CFS, IBS, eye and facial twitches, cry/body shakes from micro triggers all day long, hyperventalate, maniacal yoga in 1-2-minute takes, and I do the dead man walk -- zombie walk away, against my better angel. I am beginning to ignore calls. I legally cover my seemingly uncaring tracks. I keep Dad in his home, per hospice/medical/legal advice, because so far the home equity loans can be paid off whereas not so in a facility. Then I screw up my own domain and relationship issues. I have no time for support groups, but fit 1x/week therapy in, for which I am very grateful. Managed anger and sorrow. God help the Susan Smiths.

Occasionally I try to communicate with my local Congressional/lobbyist representatives. I get back form letters. THERE IS NO-ONE minding this store. Sometimes I think that Boomers get a bad rap because we don't have time to advocate for ourselves. What caregiver can write an Oscar-winning movie script or go viral with their daily lives?

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This country needs to make it easier to get help. Medicaid needs up their cap. People are falling thru the cracks because they make too much for Medicaid but not enough for AL.

Families need to be able to get affordable help.

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That is so true! Plus, the caregivers need more help as well.

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We had a case here in Cleveland, Ohio a few years ago involving an adult son who was developmentally disabled who was caring for his elderly mother with dementia. There was extended family who apparently was content to let the man care for their mother with what it sounded like from the news reports, minimal involvement from them. The man “lost it” one day and stabbed his mother to death. In a tearful and impassioned plea at his sentencing, one of the sisters said they had no idea the man was under such pressure from taking care of their mother. To be honest, she was so clueless about what he went through, it was infuriating. It was a lesson learned by the family that came at a terrible cost.

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As we see all to frequently here, if it doesn't interfere with their lives it isn't even on their radar.

What happened to the young man, do you know?

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Faeriefiles, no it was brutal over the end type murders, one the man beat his mother and then tried to burn the evidence and the other the woman used a pillow to suffocate her mother.

The media interviewed neighbors and the consensus was that the moms were lovely, kind little old women and the kids were wacked mental cases.

I couldn't help thinking that my mom would be portrayed as a good neighbor because she doesn't treat her neighbors like she does her "loved ones".

Last year a mom killed her senior son because he wanted to put her in AL.

Will it take a high profile individual to be driven to the edge before the media starts reporting the truth about caring for individuals who have been kept alive by medication and drastic surgeries, among other issues?

I live in the most dangerous city in AZ so I don't pay particular attention to the gang killings and such, but these really got my attention.

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