I quit my job to be a live in caregiver. I moved into a bedroom in my mom's house. My siblings feel they have the right to go into my room, through my closet and shelves. I have told them they arent welcome in my room, asked for them to respect my privacy. I was told I have no rights because it's not my house (I have been here 2 yrs). I have even been told that anything I brought in was a gift to mom and "fair game". Mom is terminal, they only started coming around in the last few months. She doesn't want them here. They show up unnanounced, in groups of up to 16, right after chemo. They have no regard for her or her immune system. What rights do I have, how do I make them understand them? When she asks me to send them a message, it causes issues, she backs down and I become the bad guy.
Your family is pretty inconsiderate.
Meanwhile, I have been threatened, punched in the back of the head and had my face shoved into a wall for not agreeing with them. I made a promise to mom. I intend to keep it. Even if I have to lose everything I have in the process.
Now is the time to ensure that your mom has a will, DPOA for medical and everything else, these siblings will eat you alive when she passes.
Swe an elder law attorney and make sure you and moms wishes are protected.
I would also have new locks ready to put on the house the moment she passes or the vultures will take everything.
God bless you for caring for your mom.
As for the time I was attacked, I did not call the police, as I didnt want to stress mom out seeing one of her kids leave in handcuffs. That will not be the case if it happens again.
Who has been at your mom’s house so often, the police or your family? If it’s the police, then why haven’t you gotten a restraining order to keep them away? Your mom doesn’t want them there. They are, in effect, trespassing. I still don’t understand how they got into your room if the door was locked. That can be viewed as assault. Keep calling the police. If one of them ever threatens your mother, call Adult Protective Services and report a senior adult at risk.
You need to involve the law before you or Mom become seriously injured.
Call the Cops if necessary, and get Restraining Orders if people aren't respecting her and your personal belongings and your space, as you do live there, you are a resident, and this is now your home too, so you do have rights! 16 people is Way too Many!
Last night I sent a group text to 3 siblings, it read:
Mom asked me to let everyone know she has company coming Monday the 4th, then Sept 13-16 and will be at the clinic all day Sept 12.
S1 replied: So we arent welcome on those dates! What, we need an appointment now?
S2 replied: I guess we all need to know in advance when we are going to come.
S3 replied: Is it fair to ask if those dates are when you are going to have your son show up with a trailor?
I dont even know where that came from, or why they feel the need to bring my kid into this (my son, btw, is former military and works in law enforcement). My siblings all live between 5 and 9 hrs away, so you would think advanced planning would be reasonable.
Its just a control thing. I failed to mention that as soon as S2 sent reply, she called mom and started badgering her because of the first text.
She had mom in tears. But mom finally caved and said they could do what they wanted, it didnt matter. I hate seeing her like that. Somehow, it wound up being my fault, for trying to let them know mom was busy.
(I'd also take pictures of all your belongings in case some go missing and look into adding deadbolts to all the entrance doors or at least changing the locks so they are not freely coming and going when they know you are out)
I pray for your wisdom and strength. Bless you precious one.
Obtain health dept. flyers posting a warning.
Actually, investigate (maybe a hospital) the protocol for a patient with suppressed immune system, post instructions on the front door. Require only one at a time to suit up in a mask and gown to enter to visit Mom.
Call police if anyone brings 16 people fo visit-those are not "visitors", but sounds like a home invasion gang.
So glad you have gotten the police involved. I would also tell Mom that she doesn't have to talk to her abusive children. If they disrespect her, then she tells them she is not listening to it and hangs up.
Isn't there someplace you two can go for a few days. Even if its just a motel for some peace and quite. Sit around the pool, soak up a little sun.
Just curious because this comes up a lot, did you ask your lawyer if your POA gives you the right to keep these people away from Mom?
When Mom is in the hospital or any facility, she has a right to not have certain people visit. If they try to and make a stink, security can't take them out of the building.
Please, come back and tell us how things are going.
They live 5-9 hrs away. They have jobs, I dont know how they manage so much time off. I can now have them trespassed from the property, and get a protection order wich would keep them from causing trouble at hospitl. My problem is balance, I dont want to keep them from seeing her in the last of the time she has, I just have to figure out the bslance between kindness and chaos. Mom deserves their love and kindness, I have to take a stand to prevent her being exposed to the chaos. I believe she needs them, to give her strength to fight, until the fight becomes with them.
I hope that doesnt seem wrong of me, but I have been trying to show compassion while practicing tolerance. I have no strength left for either towards them. Forgive me
Kesp on doing what you are doing, keep coming back here for strength and guidance, you are an Angel for caring so much for your Mom! Take Care!